Seasons

You're such a loser. You pulled this before I could read it.

I mean, I should've read it sooner, but punctuality is for the well-adjusted.

SAAAAACHEH!

So like everyone else I'm finding it hard to not just scream at you about how much I love this story. I've already gushed to you like a crazy person about how much I love it. How much I attached myself to a frigging statue! (LIKE WHAT?) and how much I love the boy in this story.

And also I just love love love the ambiguity of the ending. How it's up for the reader to decide whether the boy died or not, whether he came back or not, whether the end is just the cycle repeating itself or a life long connection between an inanimate object and a human. I love it. These sorts of stories make you think and stop you from ever just putting a full stop.

Nooooow, I guess I would sort of take Lauren's point on board? You've approached this from the perspective of the statue and so naturally you're focusing most of your attention on how the statue feels towards the boy. And I love the simplicity of him just returning to the statue because you can feel that curiosity in him? But maybe there is something more to be explored with him. What is it that actually pulls him to the statue?

I remember when you were first thinking about writing this story, which was like two days before you finished writing this story (CRAZY LADY) you were talking about how you were interested in the concept of a statue hearing the secrets of people. And I don't think that ever made it into the final story? It's rather heavily weighted towards the statue than to the boy. Until you get to the point where he tells the statue he is sick. But like Lauren says, maybe there is space to have the boy reveal something earlier, or show...I dunno...something else? Even if there is just a moment where he's chatting away and you feel more his connection to this statue. Like...what pulls him back when he is sick? Is there a way maybe you could build that extra level in...

I DUNNO. I feel like I am being very unhelpful. But hopefully that will give you some thinks xD I'm so sorry.

You know where to find me if you wanna discuss x

I love this so much. I love how the statue acts more like a frozen person than a statue and I love your amazing description and GAH.

But I have a question about the ending. Is it the boy from the rest of the story, and he's fine and well, and he came back for the statue? Is it a ghost? Is it a different boy all along? I'm confused about that.

BUT OTHERWISE, I LOVED IT.

Hi lovely.

So I'm not really sure what I can say, critique-wise, about this. It was really good, as all the other reviewers have pointed out. I think that the entire story was written with a smooth and steady flow, with raw emotions and consistent themes.

You neglected to give this boy a name, which makes sense, because what's he gonna do, introduce himself to the statue (which I assume is a gargoyle and will call it that because it seems like an accurate assumption)? Like "hello gargoyle, I'm Sam." Haha, that would be funny but wouldn't have made sense and possibly ruined some of the story's overall success, so it's a good thing you didn't do that.

Anyways, what I mean is: you didn't give the boy a name and yet, the reader fell in love with him. You brought him to life by using metaphors to describe his appearance and how he made (or, really, how he would've made) the gargoyle feel if it could feel anything at all.

The fact that this boy, with his apples and tuna sandwiches and coins and cigarettes and drawings, comes into the statue's life and is the only one who bothers to stay and keep the statue company is touching for the gargoyle. Eventually, or perhaps, right away, the gargoyle falls in love with this boy, enough to give its own life to let the boy live when he gets sick.

The relationship between these two is strong. Clearly we have a human and a statue, which makes the reader think "now how in the world can these two have any relationship at all?" but... you prove us wrong. All you need is a compassionate and lonely human who has no problem talking to a statue, whom he believes cannot hear or understand him, when it can and it loves him for treating it like a person of sorts.

The reoccurring symbols you use (i.e the absence of {insert emotion here}, the apples, the coin, the boy and his hair and eyes, etc.) helped give this story a poetic feel, weaving poetry elements into this and making it twice as beautiful. Then you add in the imagery, the way you describe the "ugly" gargoyle and its flaws and faults, and... this was amazing. Such vivid imagery and raw emotions.

Overall, I found this to be very beautiful, too beautiful to put into words. I think you did a great job with exercising those so-claimed weak short story muscles but seriously, this blew me away. I was captivated the entire time. You managed to engage the reader and make them feel emotions when they otherwise wouldn't, especially when the boy got sick and the gargoyle was alone for months on end. And then that ending... if this was a movie, I think I would've cried.

Amazing. Simply. Amazing. I loved it, Sachiboo.

~Iggy

Here's some of my editing advice:

"...my hunched legs, and when the boy walks past, he nearly does not see me. I expect him to pass me by as others have for as long as I have been there. I expect him to pass me by to visit the koi pond or the small bridge over the creek..." I got rid of some of the unnecessary commas, but the main thing about this I'm concerned about is its flow. I think you can change does not to doesn't and I have to I've because that makes the sentences shorter and less choppy in my opinion.

"...bridge," he says, spewing bits of apple everywhere, "but it looks too crowded today."

This boy has some language, doesn't he? XD Still, I'm glad he got more involved in the story than anyone would originally think.

I love how you used the seasons to your advantage. This story is longer than all the others I've seen, but I'm glad that I'm reading more and more as it goes on.

When his cigarette is low to burning embers, the boy speaks.

"Dunno what is is yet, but--" He presses a hand to his mouth, holding back..."

"It is winter, and the boy is ill."

"In my voice of gravel, I do not tell..."

I'm sad that the boy is sick. He was such a good character :___(

"Once, it was not a bad life. Once, it was only lonely. Once, I did not know of beautiful boys with bird hands, hair, and eyes of many things at once."

Towards the end, I had tears coming out. You know, I never managed to find out what POV the story was in. I'm assuming it's a garden gnome, but I can't tell for sure really.

Anyway, I love it very much, and I can't wait to read more of your works.

Okay, I am going to try to keep my utter flailing with feels and love and AUGH out of this and try to be helpful? Cause I have already flailed at you anyways xD

ALRIGHT. So just two minor nit-pick things first:

There is an absence of surprise when I see him again.

I feel the absence of desire.

This....

I have absolutely no words. The story is mind blowing and it draws you in. The description, the metaphors, the characters' feelings...

Oh god I can't even write because I'm full from mixed feelings. You captured the feeling of numbness, the feeling of depression, sadness, desire, want, dismay so beautifully. So truthfully. I feel as if you are sharing a part of yourself, a part that almost no one knows about. The feeling this story gave me is absolute shock and dumbfound. I don't know if you've read The Fault In Our Stars from John Green, but right now I feel exactly how Hazel felt about the book An Imperial Affliction. You read a book or a story that is so good you want to share it with the world. And you think everyone should read it. But then there is this other book, it represents a part of yourself and you feel as if it's reserved only for you and for no one else and you don't want to show it to anyone. It's like you found a gem that is so unnaturally winsome and its beauty is one of a kind, and you don't want to show it to anyone because you think that way it will lose its perfection and uniqueness. I have the exact same feeling for this story.

For this story, I give it a hundred out of ten. That isn't even nearly enough for this story.

Best Regards,
Pejch