have you ever
had a
dream
that just
doesn't make
sense
and
even though
you
keep trying to
wake up
you can't
and
you wonder
Is
it
really
a
dream?
but what
happens there is
grand
and
you
really want it to be
real
and
you
begin to think it is
real
but
then
you
F
A
L
L
and
you wake up
to
boring
old
reality.
Welcome to the real world.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
*POKEMON THEME SONG STARTS*
I wanna be the very best,
Spoiler
Like no one ever was.
To catch them all is my real test,
To train them is my cause.
I will travel across the land,
Searching far and wide.
Teach Pokemon to understand
The power that's inside...
(So I'm not typing it all, that would take forever and is completely irrelevant.)
*TEAM AQUA STRUTS ONTO SCREEN*
Hello! It's review day, so here I am, come to review for the amazingly awesome Team Aqua.
First of all, let me express my never ending love for the format of your fantastic poem. I definitely understand that it's all mixed up and strange like a dream. And it's so cool and suggestive of snapping back to reality where you've made the last line a simple sentence.
Love it!
I think the poem is excellent and I haven't found any nitpicks at all. Dreams are one of my favourite subjects and you've captured the uncertainty yet paradise of being in one.
Great job and PLEASE write more dream poems!
Hey it's Neverland here to review your piece.
First off, I absolutely <i> love <i/> the layout. It really goes with what you're saying. Secondly I <i> love <i/> what you're saying. A lot of people don't like poems or really any creative writing that involves dreams, but I must say I'm the complete opposite.
I like reading and writing things about and/or with dreams because it's like taking a risk. So many people think it's 'cliché' but if you think about it, it really isn't. No one really likes taking the risk and writing about it so I must commend you on taking it.
Not only that but also being able to write a beautiful piece? It's outstanding!! Anyway I wouldn't change a thing, leave it exactly as it is...
I don't think there is anymore I can really say...
Good luck writing and I look forward to reading more of your work in the Greenroom.
~Neverland.
Thank you! I might make a few changes, but we'll see....
Knight Dragon, here to review!
Okay, so I understand this is a structured poem, and the point is to emulate dream-reality.
However, structure says a lot, and when it's the whole...structure behind the poem, it's integral that everything be planned to the extreme.
Example:
Why are "had a" all by themselves? What purpose does that serve? And why isolate "sense"? Why are all of these words formatted the way they are? Following your reading flow makes it head-jerky for some of these lines, and yet somewhat whimsical for others. I can get putting off "dream" and "sense" all by themselves, especially since mashing them like that blends them together nonsensically, or paints neon signs that say "this is a DREAM!!!" But all of your poem should work together to present a unified front. "had a" could perhaps be a little closer to the top line, to give it a sense of slipping into the dream, instead of being yanked. You want to ease into the poem, just like people ease into dreams.
You tend to isolate key ideas that need to be linked. As with the "have you ever" and "had a" you could have linked this one closer too:
Overall an interesting concept. Obviously, structure is going to be style, but then we do have architects for a reason.
Hope this helps!
Hello Moalex here to review your poem.
I admit this is very creative. Very curious the way you structured your free verse. It goes well with what your poem claims. Then at the last sentence you write it as a regular sentence. However you should probably incorporate more punctuations. I have no idea where I'm suppose to pause while reading and I just keep reading them as if they are all one whole sentence.
For example: have you ever had a dream that just doesn't make sense and even though you keep trying to wake up you can't and you wonder Is it really a dream?
Have you ever had a dream that doesn't make sense? Even though you keep trying to wake up; you can't. Then you wonder, is it really a dream?
but what happens there is grand and you really want it to be real and you begin to think it is real but then you FALL and you wake up to boring old reality.
But what happens there is grand, and you really want it to be real. You begin to think it is, but then you FALL, and you wake up to boring old reality.
I understand the whole point of the structuring and writing is to confuse the reader like how the poem confuses the dreamer, but try to put in more punctuations so that they don't all look like run-on sentences? That's just my opinion.
Other than that keep up the writing.
Thank you! I will think about that. It is a valid opinion.