Hello.
You still haven't fixed dialogue punctuation.
Past that.
I am not sure where to begin. This is so devoid of emotional connection, with mental illness that seems more appropriate for a cartoon (in fact, I've seen many cartoons exactly like this) than prose. If you're going for phycosis or any other mental illness that deals with hallucinations then you'd better do an absolute bucketload of research in order to accurately portray it. If you're going for straight up depression and suicidal tendencies, know that this is pretty far off the mark. There's a reason I directed you to specific mental illnesses that are not depression, because for the vast majority of depression cases the whole idea of "a shadow that follows you" is nothing more than a metaphor. The feelings are much different, more much internal, and don't take the form of spectres unless some form of hallucination is present.
I'm not saying she shouldn't have mental illness, or psychosis, or hallucinations. I'm saying that these topics require in depth research in order to get them right. If you're trying to introduce the future supernatural concept by having this ghost follow her around, then I'd assume the ghost would be smart enough to make her doubt reality. If not and you insist on keeping this setup, then make it obviously not a hallucination. Right now, it could go either way, seeing as people do legitimately have nights like this and experience hallucinations very similar if not identical.
Even then, this is so far removed from suicidal thoughts and feelings that I can't get into it. Suicide might begin as external voices like this, but eventually it has to go internal. You have to start believing it, you have to feel something. Depression isn't about feeling sad all the time, and there are as many nuances to depression as there are people. While there are underlaying principles (feeling empty, lack of energy, no self esteem), everybody deals with them differently and you're lacking both the emotional notes and the nuances of depression itself.
Grief also isn't about feeling sad all the time; it has a lot of nuance and, again, I'm not seeing any of that nuance in your character. It's just "oh!" and sobbing and manifestations of depression that don't go with depression and hallucinations that are too adjective filled to truly be any resemblance of realistic or creepy.
Grief also does not spill itself out in massive paragraphs that simply state emotion instead of describing the primal, deep seeded, physical reactions that escape all words. You haven't established why I should care about this death, and it seems like a sympathy ploy to get us to care but instead I'm going "infodump, backstory, boring, goodbye."
You're lacking forward movement in the plot, going straight to a flashback after 3 paragraphs. Beginnings need a certain amount of forward momentum to be interesting and gripping. You're simply stating emotions instead of going in depth to the physical, internal, mental roots of it. The mental illness is loosely connected to a bunch of them without truly representing any of them (and you can have multiple; see: comorbidity). Your prose is adjective filled and while there are snatches of interesting description in here, most of them are incapacitated by improper comma use and a sheer volume of adjectives that let me picture the scene but don't actually provide strong description. Why say "left a filthy knobby claw on her shoulder" when you can say "smeared filth as it placed a clawed hand on her shoulder, knobs on knuckles and palms pressing into her skin"? Don't just list; be vivid.
Research. Develop character. Make this internal, instead of external. Give this character some substance and some nuance and some depth that comes from her own physical reactions to her emotions. Fix your dialogue punctuation. Once you actually have a strong character, you'll be well on your way to something amazing.
Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any questions or comments.
~Rosey
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