Hey shine~
Oh dear. This is a very sad topic. :/
I think that a few of these lines actually speak a lot. The fact that the speaker in this piece is saying it's their fault they're being beat is very accurate and incredibly sad.
I really only have one issue.
You're still that same guy
that let me use your pencil
when I lost mine.
I mean, yes letting someone borrow a pencil is nice, but it's not really the reason people fall in love. It also makes it really hard to relate to the speaker because that's not enough to stay with someone. Yes. This speaker loves whoever they're talking to, but we need to know why if we're going to relate. What trait about this person makes the speaker love them? Even people who have terrible, terrible traits like the tendency to beat people, also have some sliver of good in them, even if only their significant other can see it.
I think that the goal you should set for yourself if you choose to rewrite this is making it to where even the reader likes the person who beats the speaker despites themselves.
I think that this is a good starting place for what could be a piece that really makes an impact on readers.
See ya,
Megs~
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