Young Writers Society

Hey, Chips here with a review.

You have a very lovely poem here. Despite it not being necessarily spiritual according to you, it has many aspects that a spiritual person would probably relate with a lot. I liked the prayer format and the genuine mood and atmosphere of confusion, curiosity and thought.

"Dear Lord,

Why am I forced

To inhabit the Earth

With rapists and thieves

And firm believers of no worth?"

I liked how this opening stanza was a bold beginning, which was direct and was effective in the sense that the question was quite a heavy one with multiple answers which could follow. The last line could be a bit rephrased to flow more smoothly, otherwise it's fine.

"Dear Lord,

Why are those around me

So full of judgement and hate

That not a single one of them

Can see their own fate?"

The last sentence here was powerful as it's almost as you see the end already of what results in the "judgement and hate". It also highlights human nature and the recklessly autonomous attributes some pay possess.

"Dear Lord,

Why am I, for being in love,

Labeled bad, uncanny, a whore?

If not to find love,

What is life for?"

Here, I thought you had too many commas, they were slightly misplaced also. There isn't one needed after, "Why am I". I think word "bad", was a bit of a basic description compared to your other ones, so I would change that to a more effective word or remove it completely as the other two words already hold much meaning to them.

Overall, really well done on this piece as you referenced questions and the range of motions many people, not just spiritual people may go though. I look forward to reading more of your works. Keep writing! And I hope this review helped you.


--Chippy

Hi there, Racket to review your wonderful work. I really enjoyed reading this poem; it points out many things I wonder myself and things I've wished there were answers for. This is very well done and I really love it. The last line was probably the best ending I have ever seen a poem use; I wish I could end my poetry at least half that smoothly. I love how all the stanzas end in questions. Overall, this truly is a wonderful piece of literature.
I have a suggestion for you. I see you use periods for your stanzas to stand out. If you color the periods white (I believe there is a color icon in publishing), they would look more natural. If this is too much a hassle, all of YWS understands your pain and approves of the way you aviod it.
In the fourth stanza, it ends in a question like the others, but with a period at the end rather than a question mark like the others. That is pretty much all I see that is grammatically incorrect. Your editing is fantastic, which made reading this far more than a review reading, but an enjoyable reading as well.
I especially loved the fifth paragraph:
"Dear Lord,
Why am I, for being in love,
Labeled bad, uncanny, a whore?
If not to find life,
What is life for?"

I thought that was pure genius, and actual very brave of you for admitting so. The world can be so judgmental, yes? I believe that was a major theme of this poem, and it was wonderfully well represented.
Overall, I really loved this poem, as well as the fact that it only had one flaw. I thank you for this piece of fantastic literature and cannot wait to read and review more of your works. Good luck with the situation of the shooter near your home.
~Racket

First off, I really enjoyed the topic. It's very different from a lot of poetry as well with spiritual poetry. I enjoyed reading it and was intrigued from start to finish. Now to get to the review...

For me, there wasn't a lot. But one thing was how sometimes you used commas at the end of the lines in a stanza, and sometimes you would not. It's not really a huge deal, but the inconsistency of this can be slightly distracting. Just consider either being consistent with either the commas, or leave them out.

Also, the line

"When I look and good is what I find?"

Doesn't flow right to me. It was a little confusing to understand what you meant by it. So maybe jut try changing the wording a little maybe. I'm not really sure how to help with this, and I'm sorry about that.

One last critique. One the lines

"Searching for life, yet

Finding no worth?"

I just feel like the yet needs to be moved down in front of finding. It will go with the flow of the poem as well as work with the way you end your line with commas in other areas.

Overall,
I really did enjoy reading this. It was a refreshing break to many of the love, hate, or heartbreak poems that I usually end up reading. Keep up the good work.

Good luck and happy writing.
BlockedWriter21

Hi! there joallover

This was so good. A lot of questions had been asked, much on the negativities on our society but I really admire the fact that you've said within this lines:

Dear Lord,
It’s worth it to me.

Hi, J.C. here for a review!

Well, I am a very spiritual person, so I was a bit worried when I started to read that this would be all about how stupid you think God is. But that's not what it is, which makes me surprised, and grateful.

You raise all of the questions that have been plaguing the earth since history began. Most of them have answers, but then, if they truly did they'd be and stay answered.

Dear Lord,

Why am I forced

To inhabit the Earth

With rapists and thieves

And firm believers of no worth?

Why are those around me

So full of judgement and hate

That not a single one of them

Can see their own fate?

Why do I get judged

When I look and good is what I find?

It is in all people,

In their hearts and their minds.

Dear Lord,

It’s worth it to me.

Hey, yo, Joalloves! Strange here on this fantastic review day and I have a review for you!
Well, this was interesting. Why I say that? Well, because, this is a poem that you probably realized once it flashed in your eyes. Like, "If the shooter came over to me right now, and kill me, I haven't lived life". That message was very powerful. Just that, overall. It hit with the shocking realization that it could happen right now. To me, even. That is really powerful. The poem actually captures that feeling, and it captures the reader. This is a well done poem. Though the whole "Dear Lord" thing is kind of repetitive, it hardly dampens the poem. The narrator realizes that some have their heads in the dirt. That is not the most original idea, I have to admit. But, when the narrator can (or wants to) get their head out of the dirt, they can. With the heads in the dirt (Don't mind me trying to break this down) looking for life, they get frustrated. Frustration also leads to taking it out, which causes hate. Hate is never good. You never want to be full of frustration, so that's why they want to get up from the ground. It's worth it (as that part is also slightly repetitive, but it helps out a lot, actually) as the narrator said. You captured emotion enough to pull the reader in, and making a good read for hopefully everyone. This is a fantastic poem and I need to read more from you!
Overall, great job.
Strange gives you..
9.1/10
Great job,
Keep writing,
Stay groovy, my friend.


#TheFaultInOurReviews

This is amazing!! Keep up the good work. I'll be looking for more of your writings in the future!

This is truly beautiful!

Unfortunate points: Rhyming inconsistent. Flow inconsistent. Topic cliche. Your use of commas was inconsistent (really harping you on the inconsistency today, aren't I? I apologize, but I can't help myself) and confusing.

Good points: I liked your take on the topic, despite its clicheness. (*Scowls at spell check. Clicheness is a word. Do not doubt it.*)
I like your ending, although it is abrupt and rather irrelevant to what was previously discussed in your topic.
Good start-way to capture attention.
Very nice about how you were inspired to write this. Not a happy inspiration, but definitely an interesting, creative one.
Overall rating: 6.5/10. Almost a 7/10, keep writing, I suspect great things are soon to come from you! Work on this (if you please); going to check out your other poetry!
+1