z

Young Writers Society


12+ Language Violence

Ignis ch1

by KathrynLane


The setting sun cast an orange glow over the suburban street. It was a perfectly normal scene, houses with their windows thrown open wide, trees casting dappled shade on the road, the smell of barbecuing hanging in the air. Two young girls sat on the curb, one with caramel brown hair and one with white gold locks. The girl with the brown hair was lying, flat on her back, on the nature strip. She had a ring of bruise around one eye, and her T-shirt was ripped and dirty. She was staring up at the sky, watching pink stained clouds drift by. The blonde haired girl was drawing with pastel crayons. Her brow was furrowed, and she seemed to be concentrating hard.

"Hey Melissa," said the brown haired girl suddenly.

"Yeah?" Asked her friend, not looking up from her drawing.

"You're my best friend. You know that, right?"

Melissa beamed. "I know. You're my best friend too."

The girl smiled, her whole body relaxing. "That's good."

They sat in silence for a while, Melissa still drawing, her friend pulling up bits of grass and throwing them in Melissa's golden hair. Suddenly, a flock of birds rose, twittering, from a distant tree. Someone let out a huge, spine-chilling roar.

"IGNIS! WHERE ARE YOU?"

Melissa's friend sighed and stood up. "Sorry Melissa, I gotta go."

Her friend whimpered, "Why?"

"Just because." She attempted to get up, but Melissa grabbed her by the back of her shirt and pulled her back down.

"Hang on," she insisted. "I have to give you this."

She thrust the piece of paper she had been drawing on at her friend. Startled, she took it and looked at it. It was a sketch of two girls, one with brown hair and one with blonde hair. The were standing on a grassy hill, with a rainbow arching over them. The words; To Lumi, love from Melissa, were scrawled at the bottom in waxy black crayon.

"Do you like it?" Asked Melissa anxiously. Her friend didn't answer, she was staring at the paper with a strange expression on her face.

Suddenly, the brown haired girl turned and ran back up the street, her hair flying behind her. Her friend stared in dismay at her retreating back. She had just turned the corner, when a man came barrelling around the opposite corner, heading straight towards Melissa. He grabbed her by the front of her pink dress and snarled at her.

"Where?" He growled, "where's Ignis?"

Melissa started to cry. "I don't know what an Ignis is," she sobbed. The man cursed and raised his hand, about to slap her.

"Hey Jerk!" Shouted a voice. The man whirled around and saw the brown haired girl standing there. She grinned and sprinted back off in the other direction. The man let out a roar of rage and took off after her.

"I liked the drawing," yelled the girl over her shoulder. "Thanks!"

Melissa started. She could feel warm breath on her cheek. Suddenly, a hand clammy hand clasped her shoulder.

"ARGGHHHHHHHH!" She screamed, over balancing and toppling off her chair.

"Miss Jones," asked Mr Yarrow sternly. "May I ask what you were doing?"

Melissa scrambled to her feet and straightened her dress.

"Uh-I- sorry Mr Yarrow," she said weakly. "I was just... resting my eyes."

Mr Yarrow looked at her suspiciously.

"I see. Well, I'll let you off this once, but next time..."

He left the sentence hanging, and with one last threatening glance, returned to his seat at the front of the classroom.

"Class, back to your work!" He ordered. The class, most of whom at been staring at Melissa, hastily returned to their books.

"Phew, close shave." Muttered Melissa to herself, starting on her own maths. "Lucky he's so thick." She sighed, and had a stab at the next problem on the page.

'What is the volume of a cylinder that has a height of 20cm and a radius of 4cms.'

She started working the problem out, marvelling how the numbers fitted together seamlessly, the answer slowly surfacing. She would never admit it, but she actually enjoyed maths. Something about the complexity of it all just grabbed her. Melissa raised her pen, about to write the final answer, when a folded piece of paper dropped onto her desk. She jerked in surprise and scribbled a messy line over her meat working out. Throwing her pen asked angrily, Melissa picked up the note and read;

HEy lOseR

WhY R u TalKiNG to YOuRseLF? Is IT Coz U haVE no FreInDS?

Melissa gritted her teeth and crushed the note into a tiny ball. She could hear people sniggering behind her. Tears prickled at the back of her eyes. She tried to prevent them, but they spilled, rolling down her cheeks and dripping off her chin. A few people turned to look at her and smirked. Some looked a little sympathetic, but of course, no one said anything in her defence. It had been going on for years now. If anyone was going to stand up for her, they would have a long time ago.

The truth was, Melissa did have a friend, she just didn't go to school. Her name was Lumina. She was trustworthy, and loyal, and funny, and everything Melissa thought a friend should be. She and Melissa hung out every Thursday afternoon, and the moments she shared with Lumina were the best times in her life. The one thing that annoyed her about Lumina is that she was so secretive. She knew everything about Melissa, but Melissa didn't know anything about her. Whenever conversation turned to Lumina's home life, she would have a sudden urge to go to the bathroom, and wouldn't come back for half an hour. Melissa had never even been to her house, even though Lumina came over to her house every week. Melissa, being naturally curious, had spent hours questioning her, but she just wouldn't budge. She was as tough as heavy duty, reinforced steel nails. Sometimes Melissa felt like she was talking to a brick wall.

There was another bout of sniggering from behind Melissa.

Come on, she thought to herself angrily. Lumina wouldn't let them get to her. What would she do?

She thought for a second, violently wiped the tears from her face, turned to the girls sitting behind her and whispered;

"You spelt friends wrong, you idiots."

The girls all looked stunned. Weak little Melissa had never fought back before. Melissa turned back to face the front, feeling rather proud of herself.

After a few more minutes of Mr Yarrow's droning, the bell rang and the class was dismissed. Melissa walked hurriedly down the linoleum floored corridor. People pointed and whispered as she walked past. Obviously the news about her standing up to her tormentors had traveled fast. Melissa smiled to herself and continued walking. She had grabbed her lunch out of her locker and was halfway down the corridor when she found her way blocked by four figures. She looked up to find Nancy Bloomer, Phillipa Gregly, Colette Sanders and Amy Griffiths towering above her. They were all wearing identical evil smirks and a look that told Melissa they wanted her to die a very painful death.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
767 Reviews


Points: 26330
Reviews: 767

Donate
Sun Jun 29, 2014 12:21 am
SpiritedWolfe wrote a review...



Hello Utopia, Wolf here for a review.

I really found this interesting and I liked the concept quite a bit. Even though in the beginning it started off a little slow, I kind of liked how it picked up with Melissa in the class and how she stands up for herself (a little bit). We learn quite a bit about her and for the most part it isn't just all dumped on us.

I do have a few nitpicks:

"IGNIS! WHERE ARE YOU?"

This is a little thing that I have, and it's not necessarily wrong to have this, but try to avoid using all caps. Exclamation points serve the purpose of showing interjections and dialogue tags help too, but if you need italics can be used to show emphasis. Also, using all caps like that looks unprofessional.

"ARGGHHHHHHHH!"

Here is another all caps thing (if you don't want to, you don't have to change it, but it's just my suggestion), but not only that, but I was slightly confused when I first read this. I was thinking, Why is she screaming like a pirate?. I thought it was some kind of weird time skip and she was pretending with her friend. You might want to change that to just "Ahhh!" or something like that.

Final nitpick: There should be a period after 'Mr' in Mr. Yarrow. It's just a grammar thing.

I was slightly confused about the transition from the first part to the classroom. Was the first part a day dream? Was she actually asleep? Or was she recounting a memory? Was this the actual memory or a portion of a memory she just added onto like what she wants to happen? Maybe try making this more clear.

Overall, this was a really nice piece, and I am always interested in these kinds of things, with mystery and adventure (maybe even magic? Who knows!). Keep me posted on this. Have a Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare
Image




User avatar
6 Reviews


Points: 739
Reviews: 6

Donate
Sat Jun 28, 2014 10:48 am
Warlord wrote a review...



hey Warlord here for review .
good story i must say ,i believe that next chapters of this story will also turn out to be as good and even better. now as for the mistakes there are a few. like the last para.

"People pointed and whispered as she walked past. Obviously the news about her standing up to her tormentors had {[traveled]} fast".

it should be travelled.
and
" {[The]} were standing on a grassy hill, with a rainbow arching over them"
it should be they.

overall it was awesome
:)





If it wasn't for poetry, I couldn't express myself.
— Rosendorn