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Smiling in the Darkness

by Eferhilda

Here I sit in the Darkness smiling

Nodding and being cheerful

Though the Darkness consumes me

Making me feel cold, alone and afraid

Still I smile

I smile to make them happy

To keep them from worry

I smile for them

Smiling in the Darkness

Cold, Alone and Afraid

I smile to seem normal

I smile to seem whole

I smile for other's joy

Darkness all around me

There I sit

Smiling in the Darkness

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65 Reviews

Points: 607
Reviews: 65

Sun Jun 29, 2014 2:59 am
wtppowers wrote a review...

Hey Eferhilda! It's Mr. Powers here with another fun and exciting review. I'm going to be looking at this poem, titled "Smiling In The Darkness". I usually like to go stanza-by-stanza in my review, but... there are no stanzas. I don't know if this is intentional or not, but it's confusing and eye-straining in any case. If I were you, I'd go back and fix that.

I read the poem, and here's what I gathered from it: you stress the importance of perseverance, and you still smile in the face of certain tragedy. That's some pretty deep stuff right there.

There's also a problem with grammar, or punctuation, or something. I'd add a few commas here and there, and CREATE STANZAS. Once you do that, I feel the errors are going to jump out at you.

Anyway, I'm finished. I give this poem a favorable review. Enjoy yourself, and your profile picture is rather confusing.

------Powers Out-------

Eferhilda says...

Thanks for the review. The lack of stanzas and punctuation was intentional. Also not sure what my profile picture has to do with the review.

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48 Reviews

Points: 408
Reviews: 48

Sun Jun 29, 2014 2:49 am
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lyssiekins wrote a review...

I found it really interesting right away that you chose to capitalize "darkness". It gives it great personification and sets the tone of the poem perfectly.

This is especially interesting to me as well because its an odd mirror for a book I'm currently reading called "Smile at Strangers." In it the woman talks about conquering the darkness, the fear, and not giving into it. I really appreciate the smiles you are giving and the inner battle you are fighting here.

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240 Reviews

Points: 279
Reviews: 240

Sun Jun 29, 2014 12:35 am
AdmiralKat wrote a review...

Hello! KatyaElefant here to review! Let us see what we have here! Also happy review day!

Some things that I can that you can improve on is organization. Now, I am not saying you have to, but you can organize your poem into several stanzas. Like at the part

Making me feel cold, alone and afraid
Still I smile

I feel that you could separate the two phrases and make two new stanzas. That was just calling me to me XD

For the good things. I have to say I adore your theme here. You could take this in two ways. Creepy or beautiful. It all has to do with imagination. You could think that the person is there smiling with a creepy smile or she could be smiling there for what ever reason. Also you could take this as an analogy. The cold darkness of society and then still smiling, happily. You could take this many ways. I love the effect that you made here.
Cold, Alone and Afraid
The capital letters are very effective with this. I also like the way you capitalized Darkness. It makes the effect that it is a person. I loved this piece. If you write more, tell me! Great job! :D


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18 Reviews

Points: 399
Reviews: 18

Fri Jun 27, 2014 10:32 pm
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Nikachu wrote a review...

Hey there! So I can totally relate to this poem in every possible way and I think that you touch a lot of peoples' hearts with this piece. Every word you use is important and adds to the meaning of the work unlike many writers who feel the need to add useless words. I like the repetition of "I smile to" because it draws the reader's attention to the meaningful parts.


I smile for others joy

Little grammar thing, it should be other's with an apostrophe because the joy belongs to others.

That's actually all I have. Really really good job.

Keep it up!

Eferhilda says...

Thanks for that catch! Corrected it! I am glad that you enjoyed my piece.

Carpe Diem
— Catullus