Young Writers Society

I think this speaks really deeply about people who've been hurt to the point where they can only feel safe not coming out of their shell and by erecting barriers between themselves and others in the form of a personality that people will be able to readily accept as real as a means of escaping reality. The part that I find especially true was the bit about how vulnerable a person is underneath this self-erected barricade. I'm somewhat of a trekkie, and an analogy I find intriguing is what i am coining the enterprise metaphor: you could have 100% shield efficiency, but have hull breaches on all your decks. If you don't watch star trek, that could essentially mean you could take all sorts of attacks from other ships and come out from it, making you look very strong, but in reality your ship could be about to explode.

This is beautiful! I love it! The emotion that pours through is that of one who has been there, asked those questions. I cannot fathom how much this poem means to you, so I am happy to say that I have no nitpicks. I have been eyeing this poem for some time now, I think that there is no time like the present to read. So I did. And I love this poem.

~Kelpies

I really enjoyed this. It is calm, collective, yet in a way distraught as you struggle to express the lack of understanding the world has for you. I think we are all in that place. Lemme be cheesy and suggest, since we all feel this way, to all take a closer look at one another.

The only point of criticism I came upon while reading this was that you ask a series of rhetorical questions at the beginning, but don't answer them, and especially continue to use rhetorical questioning throughout. I feel it would have been essentially more elegant to mirror on either side of the middle divide: asking questions first, then giving answers. I don't know. I like symmetry.

Beautiful poem! Make more!

I greatly appreciate this poem.
It has impressive truth to it, therefore I admire its depth. The fact thet you can recognize that every one is seen, but not really SEEN is incredible. I feel as though not too many people can understand that.
I believe that this is a wonderful statement about how no one in this world of distraction sees or really appreciates our individuality. The only way to catch some one's eye is too scream out loud, or make a fool of your self.
Thank you for this marvelous poem.

This poem speaks to me and I know others (evident of their own comments and reviews). Not sure really where to begin because I could not find fault in this at all.

The second part:

If I stood in a crowded room,
Screaming at the top of my lungs…
Would you glance up from your glass
And take notice?

Oh man do I know what that's like! Especially where you wrote "Terrified of never connecting, Never moving forward, Of always standing still?" However after a while it becomes more frustration, then loneliness, then frustration 'til you can't take it any more, then you explode, preferably on paper. I specifically liked the part where you wrote "Can you see me? Hear me? Can you see her?...Do you see no one at all?" It's like you're asking "Do you even notice I exist?!" In fact this whole poem it was like you were begging someone, anyone, to notice. Though you slowly grew frustrated, then hopeless at the last line. Though I have to say it seems like you were heard! Anyways awesome poem! =^_^=

This poem, like your last, I feel like it speaks to me. Nobody likes to feel invisible or insignificant, or a punching bag so to speak.

Those who have never truly experienced such a thing couldn't possibly understand or even appreciate just how powerful this is.

You just keep on doing what you're doing. You seem to have a knack for making your poems speak out.

Hello.

This is a very "visual" work. LOL.
I like what you have done with the formatting and I wouldn't have picked on it anyway. I think it's quite creative.

If I stood in a crowded room,
Screaming at the top of my lungs…
Would you glance up from your glass
And take notice?

You don’t see me,
Not really.

Have you ever?

Hello~

I think the first thing I'd like to say is that this is a topic I've pondered over before. It's highly relate-able to a lot of people I think, not knowing which is reality to others. There are a lot of good things in here which help make this poem what it is, such as the consistent flow, including the rhythm and repetition, and the word choice.

There are a few things I'd like to suggest that might help improve the poem, but this is basically the part where I go on a rant about what I'd do if this was my poem to edit, which it's not. The main thing I'd do is try to trim it down. We've got a lot of words at the beginning which hold the same repetitive pattern that makes this good, but it's repeating before we really get to the meat of the matter. If you trim it down, then you might find the scarcity of the repetition makes it richer, like not constantly having sweets can make them all the sweeter.

Also you've got a word spelled wrong. "Faze" is "phase" at least how I've learned it, but I can be pretty sucky at spelling =].

I feel like there is a lot of specifics in here which really make this poem shine, but also might be getting a little to specific without enough detail, like some of the details you put in here are just filler instead of completely utilizing the area to create a better scene of what is going on.

If I stood in a crowded room,
Screaming at the top of my lungs…
Would you glance up from your glass
And take notice?

Hello, Asteria.
Kanome here with a review for you.

I love the way you used the formatting and punctuation.
It made the poem more intense and interesting like that.
SO I am glad you used that intentionally c:

My favorite lines were:
"Do the words I say
Or the things I do
Register with you?

Does what I do faze you?"

I don't know why, I just like rhyming in poems. They make them more fun to read c:
Anyways, I don't see anything wrong with your piece so my only suggestion to you is...
Keep up the awesome poetry work, okay? c: