*I wrote a quick essay, then I wrote a short story from the point of view of a lemon shark.
Did you know that the lemon shark is on the "near threatened" list? Or that the lemon shark's name resembles it's appearance, it is a pale yellow hence the name? Well now you do! The following essay is for your convenience so you aren't confused when you read the short!
This creature’s natural habitat is around the Southeastern coast of the USA. It prefers warmer water, and it’s migration path includes the coast of West Africa. The Lemon shark mainly eats small fish, but if the need arises it will eat crustaceans. With a maximum length of 149.6 inches, and a minimum length of 54 inches, this shark has been known to be many sizes. But don’t be fooled, when in pursuit of prey the reason they aim toward smaller fish is because they can’t make a good fight against, lets say a tuna. But with a maximum weight of 200 pounds (90 kilograms) these predators have been known to cannibalise others of their own species.
With only 22 known attacks on humans, they are much less deadly to us than we are to them. We humans hunt the lemon shark for it's meat, fins, and skin. Because of our carelessness, this species is rated as "Near Threatened". Some parasites cause skin conditions in these sharks, these include the Dermophithirius nigrelli.
The mating habits of the lemon shark include the fact that they return to the place where they were born to give birth. And even though there are very few of these amazing creatures, there are no inbreeding problems. This is because even though the females return to the place where they were born, the males keep moving around. This strategy has not yet been seen in other types of sharks.
So if you ever have shark fin soup, or wear leather, think of the Lemon shark that might have given it's life for that product.
***
Mating season was close at hand, and not one male seemed interested in me. A daring fish crossed my line of vision, I turned my head and snatched it up in one quick movement, it should have known not to challenge a mighty predator with it's presence. Blood poured over my teeth, the blood combined with the saltwater and I lapped it up. I saw a fishing boat in the distance, "no need for concern" I thought "those humans are almost definitely after some small fish." I saw another shark off in the distance, he swam toward me. I kept swimming, he rubbed against me. He would have to do better than that to get my attention, then again, I was desperate.
He swam alongside me, he knew I was on my way to Florida. Even in this short time, I was starting to have feelings for him. Only natural for my species, I could tell that he wasn't my brother. The fishing boat neared, it cast its nets into the sea. I slapped the other shark with my tail to get his attention then started swimming as fast as I could. He followed, but neither of us were fast enough. We were caught in the nets, and pulled up. While I held my breath, I saw his fins being cut from his body. Then he was skinned, gutted, and his guts were thrown back into the sea. I saw a host of other lemon sharks eating them. To avoid seeing any more, I let my breath go, and in the moment that followed before my death, my fins were severed from my body and the world went black.
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139,276 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
The essay was really thought out, and it shows you really put in your research. You also put in a good story at the end, because it was creative, true to life, and quite frankly awesome. However, I will never be able to get that image out of my head. That ending... will scar me... for life. In fact, I have a feeling I am going to have nightmares.
did you know you can put lemon sharks in a state of unconsciousness by flipping them on their back. They continue to breath because of some sort of reflex in their system, but for a great white, with no water passing through its gills it will die if you hold it on its back. *Scurries off*
Cool! It's weird... I could find a cause for a skin condition in a Lemon shark, and yet I couldn't find that fact.
it's little known. just saw it on a nature program the other day.
Cool! Thing is I don't have a TV.
me neither. it was on youtube. it's a video about killer whales killing great whites.
Sounds like it was awesome, and bloody!
heheh yeh
I just found out that this is in the LITERARY SPOTLIGHT!
YAYYYYYYYYY! CONGRATS!!!!!
Hey Kelpies! Cricket here for a review!!
OUCH, you really did worked hard on this, didn't you? Well, I'll do my best then! I'll separate the two, essay and short story into different parts.
Essay
OK, so first off I can really tell that you are one of those people who love the animals, which is cool, even though I'm not like that.
Now essay's when you write them, are usually like this.
Catchy welcoming paragraph
So with this you need to devise a paragraph that entices the reader and wants to make them read more. You find the juiciest bit of information possible and insert it into the opening paragraph, and ta-da!! You got yourself the awesome beginning of a essay!
Body Paragraphs
With body paragraphs, you need to get all the information that you possibly can and smash them into three main body paragraphs. That's the number. THREE. You usually have three main body paragraphs. Now of course there are exceptions, but with an essay this length it should be fine.
Concluding
Now with your conclusion of the essay, you try and wrap it up with something super cool. You did a pretty cool job on it of course, but I couldn't exactly not say anything! So always make sure to wrap up with something awesome.
Short story
Description
Now I'm not going to go and delve deeply on this but I'm going to give you a link to something that REALLY helped me, with description.
Here ya go!
Description
Make sure you read the part on the Five Senses! That part is sooo interesting!!
Nitpicks!!
Run-on sentence. More description could be used when you say this "Blood poured over my teeth". Along those lines. And separate the thought sequences more.
Gahh, I will admit this..you have definetly got better at grammar! But you keep forgetting the periods here. Try to remember them. Periods at the end of sentences.
The End
When you end up something, try to make it seem as descriptive and horrible as possible. OK? This was pretty awesome, but I felt you needed something more into it. Alright, and that concludes my review!! Keep up the good work Kelpies!
~Cricket
Thanks! Just so you know, I removed the whole talking sharks part because it wasn't the impression I wanted to give.
Yeah, I had started this review yesterday, and didn't bother to refresh the page..and then I submitted it, and I see what you did! So yeah, saw it! Its an improvement I think.
Hi Kelpies! Thank you for taking the time to write such a wonderful story for our contest!
There were little mistakes here and there, but they aren't that big of a deal. In this instance, "it's" also means "it is." Saying "it cast it is nets," therefore, doesn't make much sense. Just "its" will do.
If you would like me to pick out the rest of the little nitpicks for you, just let me know! It might help you win the contest if all those errors are fixed.
I loved this story. I certainly wasn't expecting an essay, and that's just bonus points for you! I was so happy that you researched the Lemon Shark so well. Through your writing, I could clearly tell that you have grown attached to the animal. Your message about the human interaction was very powerful and well displayed. My heart broke when the boat came and trapped the two sharks. Just when the narrator found a suitable mate, he was literally torn up and tossed into the sea. Anyone who reads this story will, I'm sure, remember it. They'll remember the terrible struggles that this species of shark endures every day.
The only thing you could add is some descriptions. The girl shark could describe the other's yellowish skin and explain more of what it was like to be above water.
Awesome job! You're a very good writer!
Thanks! I will get right on the errors.
Your an amazing writer!! I love sharks and I have never read anything like it (good thing)! Its very unique!! I really loved everything about it. Very original.
Thanks!
And you probably wouldn't have thought so before I edited it. Seriously, there were talking sharks, I even hated writing it. But thanks all the same!
Honestly, I find talking animals incredibly cute...
True....
I took out the whole talking shark thing, it looks and feels more natural now. I needed to correct that. Though talking animals are sometimes fun, after a research paper is not the time or place.
Eferhilda here for a review.
In regards to the essay it was informative and helpful. Only criticism there would be to work on your transition sentences, so that one paragraph flows into another better.
As for the little perspective piece, I was a bit skeptical of what this would be about. I was not instantly pleased with the sort of cutesy and almost immature tone that the sharks had, considering these were deadly predators. However, the ending was a rather unexpected twist. It went from this happy go lucky, Shark Tale, to this dark and twisted almost waking nightmare.
Well done.
Thanks, this is not my usual guild, so I tried my best. And I guess I do need to add in some more hunting. Thanks for the review though!
You're right though, corrected that.
Much better!
Thanks.
I love that you did this. I am personally a shark lover, so to see someone write about one and show how they are and what happens is so cool. So huge props to you. I also love how creative you got with the point of view of the shark and her story. Albeit it had a sad ending it was perfect for the message you were trying to send. My favorite line/ point you made was when you said "So if you ever have shark fin soup, or wear leather, think of the Lemon Shark that might have given up it's life for that production." I love this because it gets people thinking and it is one of those statements that make people re-think things. Over all great story and information.
Keep up the amazing and creative writing!
-Roxie Rain
Thanks! I just did this for a contest, and it may not be my best quality piece, but I did my best with what I had without messing up the way I write too much. Thanks for the compliments! They are very incouraging!