Young Writers Society

Hello!

Congratulations on a year of YWS btw.
Now....

What Went Well:

1. The organisational structure of the piece eg. even stanzas
2. Punctuation and grammatical choices eg. rhetorical questions, full stops, omission of certain words eg "These books are empty aren't they?"
3. The length of the poem. You said what you wanted to say concisely and I respect the need for brevity.

Even Better If:

1. You made this personal as opposed to general eg, introduced a character.
2. Defined your point more clearly, eg. yes, we know that you're saying the community is careless. but what do you want the reader to do about it? Give the piece a purpose.
3. It sounds very hopeless. XD Not necessarily bad just observed that waiting to die is a bit of miserable way to end a poem. Although, this isn't a happy work I don't expect a "and they all lived happily ever after" but the world can be bleak without painting such a grey picture of it.

Anyways, nitpicks done.
Hope you found some of the comments useful.

~R

Hi,

Good job! I thought that this was a very good poem! I kind of felt that it was talking about The Giver because you put things like "We never learned how to love," and in The Giver they had nearly no emotions. Also you said "These books are empty aren’t they?
You’ve been lying to me.", in The Giver everyone had false information. Anyways I don't know if this poem does imply The Giver but that was just the connection I made. I thought that the poem had a very good rhythm to it and I don't think I saw any errors because to me the grammar and spelling was on point but definitely keep writing!

_
~~karina