Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Romantic

16+ Language Mature Content

Ill Fated Love- Chapter 3

by BlockedWriter21

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.

I know Xylia is not a favourable character. She is not supposed to be. In the prologue Pierce talks about how she is bad or him. She's not the sweet, quiet, kind heroine every one loves. She's sarcastic, a little rude, and cocky. But Pierce loves her. That's the point of the story. He is telling how they came to meet and fall in love and why he does even though she is bad for him. If you don't remember that, go reread the prologue. So for those of you who don't like Xylia, I'm sorry, but you aren't supposed to. I only say this because after this chapter you're really going to hate her. Anyway, to the story.

"Alistair? What are you doing answering Xylia's phone?" I yell angrily to my brother.

"Pierce? Why the hell do you have my girl's number? How the hell did you even get this number man? You better have a real damn good excuse for this one." My older brother yells right back.

"Okay, bro. Calm down. I didn't know that Xylia was your girl. I met, err....I saw her at a coffee shop the other day and she gave me her number. She didn't say she had a boyfriend. She didn't say anything at all, actually. I had no idea about you two. Why didn't you tell me you had a girlfriend? I talked to you less than a week ago."

"She's not my girlfriend, just a side girl. That's why I didn't tell you. Sorry I lost my shit. But seriously, she gave you her number? And she didn't mention me?"

"To be fair, you didn't mention her to me either."

"Fair enough."

"Al?" I hear a feminine voice call out in the background, "Are you going to come back to bed or am I going to have to drag you in her myself?"

"Look dude, I'll call you back when I untangle myself, pun intended."

I hear him call out "Coming sexy." into the background and with that, he hangs up the phone.

I sit in my car stunned. My brother. She was screwing my freaking brother. I couldn't help but let my jaw hang slightly. Did she know he was my brother? Surely not, or she wouldn't have given me her number, right? Or maybe that's why she did. But the way she gave it to me, the sultry look she gave me, was not an innocent "Let's be friends" kind of way. It was a "I want to find out what you're like in the dark" kind of way. But she was screwing someone! And my brother nonetheless! 

I run my fingers through my hair and hit my hands on the steering wheel. This girl was going to be the death of me, if I even got so far as actually talking to her. But there was something about her, so forbidding, so wrong, that I couldn't give up on trying to get this girl. I knew it would be one hell of a chase, too.

Finally, after pulling myself together, I decided to drive home and maybe cook some dinner. But even as I was driving down the very busy 405, I could not get my mind off of what had happened. If that had panned out like I had though about all day, Xylia would have answered the phone and after exchanging names and pleasantries I would smoothly transition into asking her about literature which would turn into a conversation where she would tell me about her favourite books. After talking for a little bit I would tell her how much I enjoyed talking to her and I would then ask her out on a date to a museum or something. Because in my head, she's the kind of girl that likes things like that. 

I walked in the door of my dorm to find an obviously drunk Rhys and some new blonde haired, orange skinned, beach bimbo about to get intimate on his bed.

"Damn Pierce! Did you not see the sock?" He yelled blatantly frustrated.

"Sock? There was no sock outside." I said back. In truth, I had no idea if there was a sock or not. I was too busy daydreaming to pay attention.

"There was a bright green sock out there. I will swear to it. Now get the fuck out man. I've got things to attend to." He said with a smirk and started right where he left off with the nameless bimbo.

I turned around and walked out the door, only to step on the bright green sock that was indeed outside. I threw the sock in a nearby bush and walked off to go to my car. I obviously was not going to be cooking tonight and decided to just make a run to the 24 hour diner that was about a mile off campus. It was a good night to get a hamburger so greasy I would have it running own my chin and arms.

"What will it be hun?" Gretta, the only waitress in this diner, asked me with a pleasant smile.

"How about the greasiest hamburger Ralph can whip up, some curly fries, and a big ol' glass of Dr. Pepper? I need enough food to make my head stop thinking for a little bit"

She calls the order to the cook, Ralph, and smiles at me tenderly with a pat on my shoulder. "Girl troubles huh? I remember when my boy just wanted to eat himself into oblivion over this one girl he had fallen for. But you know what? It must've been worth it. 'Cause they just celebrated their eighth year marriage anniversary. It'll get better hun. I promise. Your food will be out soon"

And with that she walks away to tend to someone who just walked in. With no intention of going anywhere until I was good and full, I pulled out a pen that I had in my pocket and grabbed a napkin. I almost always wrote a little poem or short story for Gretta when I came in to eat. She was too kind for her own good, and she just loved when I gave her a little something to read.

Halfway through the silly story I was writing about two birds, I heard someone walking over. I figured t was just Gretta with my food and didn't look up. But instead of being greeted with an aroma of fried, greasy food, I was hit with an almost assaulting smell of cherries. I looked up and saw a very blonde, grey eyed, heavy eye liner wearing girl I had only seen once before. Only this time, her lipstick looked like she had been kissed. Or had been kissing my brother, more like it.

"Pierce." She said with a seductive smile. "Let's get out of here."

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
463 Reviews

Points: 12208
Reviews: 463

Mon Jun 30, 2014 1:52 am
megsug wrote a review...

Hey Blocked~
Belated welcome to YWS. I hope you're finding YWS easy to navigate. If not, shoot me a question anytime.
I've read all of your chapters, so I'm pretty caught up. I think you've got a pretty decent storyline going on here. I'm going to jump into the negatives and end with the positives.

My main issue with this chapter is the fact that Pierce's (love that name by the way) brother is jealous even though Xylia is just a side deal. If they're not a real couple, why does he care? She's probably sleeping with people other than him already. That seems to be the agreement they have. Then, even though Pierce is aware that the relationship between Xylia and Alistair is casual, he's still really upset about it and can't imagine her ever making such a move when it's been said that she's... loose.

Other than that, I don't have much to say. I really want to see more characterization of Pierce without him thinking about Xylia or somehow wondering about Xylia. I don't know him without her, so I don't really know him, you know?

Other than that, I'm really intrigued to see where this relationship will go. I want to be updated if you don't mind when you post the next chapter.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, feel free to hit up my wall, catch me on chat, or PM me.
See ya,

This review courtesy of

I really appreciate the review from someone caught up with everything. And I can see where you find it odd that Pierce is jealous of his brother's relationship. When I think about it, I usually think about how he's so intrigued with her. And while she won't say a word to him, she's in bed with his brother. But everyone has a different take on things. As for keeping you posted, I will shoot you a PM when I post the next chapter. Thanks for being interested and taking your time to review this.

User avatar
639 Reviews

Points: 13700
Reviews: 639

Mon Jun 30, 2014 1:43 am
SpiritedWolfe wrote a review...

Hello again, Blocked, Wolf here for a review.

Wow, that ending again, my goodness! To be honest, I hate the both of them. I hate Pierce for being so stupid and going after this girl who is obviously not a good person and Xylia, since now she knows his name and that was probably from the brother, for trying to use him. Usually the saying goes opposites attract, but here it looks like they're both idiots.

That's my ramble for the night. Seriously, I really love your character development, so don't get me wrong when I insult the characters. Your writing is really good, and you do a really nice job of using first person to really get in the character's head (Pierce in this case) and let us, the readers, see their motives.

Here and there, there are a few grammar errors that can be spotted with an easy look over, but otherwise the grammar is really good (trust me, a lot of people struggle with grammar, so I promise I'm genuinely complementing you.) I couldn't help but laugh at how drunk Rhys was. A green sock? Really? I'm guessing that's their code, but that's still hilarious.

Overall, this was nicely written and I'm intruded to know more and see more chapters. Keep up the good work! Keep Writing,

User avatar
317 Reviews

Points: 20
Reviews: 317

Mon Jun 30, 2014 1:42 am
lostthought wrote a review...

This review courtesy of

Here to review! I don't like things in the Green Room, it scares me. :D

Spoiler! :
thinking for a little bit"

You forgot to add an ending punctuation here.

Pierce is a good name. It reminds me of the name Pierre! Like that person who fell in love with a goat. You have to feel bad for him. One second he was calling the new girl he just met, the next he finds out his brother was screwing her at that moment. I wonder which is was worse for: the brother or him.

Gretta seems like a kind, old lady who needs money for a living, so she is working her butt off at a restaurant as a waitress.

Xylia is a bit of a player there. Taking on two brothers? Come on, brothers can't look that different! She's the side for one, so she tried to become a main for the other. How awkward could that be?

Keep writing,


User avatar
212 Reviews

Points: 3486
Reviews: 212

Mon Jun 30, 2014 1:42 am
TheCrimsonLady wrote a review...

Hey, love!
Aurora here for a quick review.

Let's start off with technicalities first, yes?

"Damn Pierce! Did you not see the sock?" He yelled blatantly frustrated.
"Damn, Pierce! Did you not see the sock?" He yelled, blatantly frustrated.
Just a little grammatical error you have there. Easy fix. Comma usage can be confusing sometimes. Or, you know, typos.

She calls the order to the cook, Ralph, and smiles at me tenderly with a pat on my shoulder. "Girl troubles huh? I remember when my boy just wanted to eat himself into oblivion over this one girl he had fallen for. But you know what? It must've been worth it. 'Cause they just celebrated their eighth year marriage anniversary. It'll get better hun. I promise. Your food will be out soon"

She yells the order to the cook, Ralph, and smiles at me tenderly with a pat on my shoulder. "Girl troubles, huh? I remember when my boy just wanted to eat himself into oblivion over this one girl he had fallen for. But you know what? It must've been worth it. 'Cause they just celebrated their eighth year marriage anniversary. It'll get better hun. I promise. Your food will be out soon."
This isn't grammatically wrong, but the line about the food is way out of place. Maybe put some narration before it.
Your description and style is good, and the way you capture situations is near perfect.

Keep persisting, love.

Thank you so much for the help. I struggle with my comma usage sometimes. I will fix these right away.

User avatar
372 Reviews

Points: 14982
Reviews: 372

Mon Jun 30, 2014 1:19 am
tgirly wrote a review...

First off, it's a bit strange when his older brother says that Xylia didn't say anything at all because if she didn't say anything, how'd they end up going out together?
"And my brother nonetheless!" I'm not sure this is the correct use of nonetheless. I think you mean no less.
" 'Cause they just celebrated their eighth year marriage anniversary." You don't need to put it's a marriage anniversary; people will assume it is.
Finally, at the end of this piece, I don't hate Xylia like you guess at the beginning; all she did was be promiscuous (which isn't a good thing at all but doesn't, in my opinion, warrant hate) which she probably would've been with Pierce anyways. So, it's her brother, maybe she didn't know it, and it's not like they've promised fidelity to each other or something (at least I don't think so; it seems they don't know each other too well.) If I hate anyone, it would probably be Pierce honestly since he seems a bit demeaning to women; referring to Xylia as a 'side girl' and calling the blonde girl a 'nameless bimbo'. He seems only interested in Xylia for his looks, which makes me dislike him, not Xylia.
My favorite part in this piece is definitely the part with the waitress; that's such a unique and interesting detail that he writes poems and stories on napkins for her; that's really cool.
Hope this review helped!

This review courtesy of

Thank you for taking the time, but honestly, if you had read the first two chapters, it would have helped a little better. Because in the first chapter it explains how the got together. It also explains why some people haven't been fond of Xylia. And also, Pierce's brother refers to her as a side girl. Not Pierce himself. And right now he is interested in her looks, because they have not yet spoken. He doesn't know anything about her. But once again, it's explained in the previous chapters. Thank you for the word choice critiques, though. They helped.

Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.
— Matthew 12:25