Once

Hello, Cesare!

Yes, agreed with previous reviewers: this poem is obviously personal and it touched me deep down. You know, that feeling? :3 I can't really explain it, but it touched my heart. So yeah, great job with that.

The first two stanzas were rather similar, but I liked how it progressed in time. First it was them calling you Raphael and they didn't know it, and then they were doing it on purpose, so I kinda like the difference there, even though they are very much the same.

Most of my criticism is going to be on the format, not the actual writing. Lol.

Okay!

So, first off, I think you should take away the "Once"'s before each stanza. It makes it seem like it's a title, and I would suggest not to have it there, because usually stanzas don't have titles. (That was a sugestion. Please don't take it harshly).

Next, it might just be because I'm on my iPod, but there are too many ~~~ and it's messing up the format. Again, it could be different on a laptop so yeah. :3

Lastly, the bullets. I totally love them! They are a unique idea and such a great way to write them out! However, in the two stanzas, the bullets were smaller than the first two stanza's. we all know the format issues on here, so don't think it's your fault.

Great poem! I loved it!

~WillowPaw1~

P.S. Like Chips said, there will always be a place for you on YWS!

Hello it's karina,


I could totally tell it was a personal poem. I felt like instead of having bullets you should have numbered you stanzas so rather than

"•Once they called me Raphael
•because they didn't know that I was
•really Cesare."
I felt you should have put

"1.Once they called me Raphael
2.because they didn't know that I was"
And so on and so forth. Other than that I felt like this was a very good poem.

Hey, Chips here with a review.

This poem seems like a very personal piece that came from a perhaps sad and vulnerable place in the characters life. It has the main themes of bullying, acceptance and insecurity. It seems like a lot of thought and effort had been put into this poem. I have a few suggestions for your poem, which may help improve it even further.

"Once

Once they called me Raphael
because they didn't know that I was
really Cesare."

I didn't see very much need to keep repeating the "Once", before beginning the actual stanzas since it was the first word of each stanza, as well as the title so it felt slightly unnecessary. Personally, I would avoid using bullet points in poetry as its not really the standard formatting of poems. However, I did like this first stanza it was quite alluring as the reader would like to read on and find out more.

"Once

Once they taunted me by calling
me Raphael, but they knew that my name
was Cesare."

To me, this was more or less like the first stanza but otherwise it was still pretty good. I like the word usage of, "taunting", and how "they knew" , it creates a realistic feel of the reality of bullying and teasing so good job on that.

"Once

Once they thought they could
walk all over me before I painted
my fist with their blood."

Here, it seems like the character has stood up for themselves, although violently but had courage to do so. I like the imagery created in reference to, "fist with their blood", which was effective.

"Once

Once they thought they knew
me, but that was only beneath my
soft exterior."

This was a good ending as it shows no one can really tell how people are from the outside.

Overall a nice poem, Keep writing! I hope this review was of help to you.
P.S- Know you always have a place here on YWS if you decide to come back, Cesare. Best of luck in future!

--Chips