Carnation: The Assassin's Tears - Chapter 5

by Brunnera

Published June 15, 2014

E - Everyone

In Carnation : The Assassin's Tears

Argh, I haven't even done much with the chapter....Anyway, this is a filler chapter, something I just needed to get off my shoulders. Action only starts next chapter.

I just have a feeling this is riddled with errors. Criticism is accepted.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Chapter 5

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Kameira:

Case Confusion

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Someone clamped a hand on my shoulder and shook me slightly. I was unresponsive, persuaded by the warm surface of my desk to continue my ‘nap’, which surely drifted into a few hours now.

Hunter, you should head home,” Rowell whispered, as though he was reluctant to wake me up.

No, I’m staying overtime,” I muttered, almost incoherently, as my lips were pressed against my forearm, “This case needs more work…”

You’ll be waking up the next morning with an aching back,” He said, and I could imagine the frown on his face, “And I know you’ll still be stuck on where we are right now.”

Silence fell upon us for a few minutes, until my cellphone rang, giving me an unpleasant awakening. I lifted my head off of the desk and opened my eyes, reaching out for my phone, placed near a stack of files, concerning the robbery case, on the right side of my desk.

My brown eyes squinted as I struggled to see who was calling me. My vision was still blurry because I had involuntarily woken up.

Rowell read the contact on my screen, and, with a hint of jealousy in his voice, asked me, “Who’s ‘Gerard’?”

I rubbed my eyes. The familiar name instantly awoken me from the sleepy feeling and I could focus better on the screen. Answering the call, I held the phone to my ear, “Hello?”

Hi, Kameira,” A nervous yet cheerful voice came from the other line, “It’s Gerard. Are you free tonight?”

I leaned back against my chair and stared at the stack of reports and files on my desk with a frown, “I’m working on the robbery case right now. Why?”

There were a few moments of silence, “Oh…um, since you’re busy, n-never mind.”

W-Wait!” I sputtered out before he could hang up, “It depends on what time you want to meet with me,” I glanced up at the wall clock to see it was a quarter to eight, “I could make it if it’s 9.30 pm tonight.”

Really? That’s…great!” The hint of surprise in his voice made me smile, “Is it alright if…if I pick you up somewhere?”

You could pick me up here, at the Fifteenth Precinct,” I suggested, “Around, well, 9.30 pm.”

He faked a cough, before uttering in a cheerful tone, “Great, I’ll see you then.”

I smiled, “Alright, bye.”

Bye. Stay sweet for me, alright?” He said, and chuckled when a small giggle escaped my lips.

After hanging up, I absent-mindedly smiled at the screen of my phone. I know—I just said myself the case needed more work, but if it’s all work and no play, I’ll never be able to investigate properly, right? Besides, it’s been a week since I’ve last seen Gerard.

I thought you were staying overtime, Detective Hunter,” Rowell reminded me, a hint of disappointement mixed with frustration in his voice.

I have an hour and forty-five minutes before I go,” I rolled my eyes, “Just because I’m seeing someone doesn’t mean I’m not as dedicated to this case as before. Although I might not be staying overtime, I’ll work on the case for forty-five minutes before heading home.”

After taking a few sips of black coffee, I placed it on the upper-left of my desk so it won’t spill on the files and reports. Once I’ve settled down, I shooed my partner away so I could have some peace, before going through the stacks.

For the past six months, I’ve been going through the same old things—the 9-1-1 calls, the eyewitness reports, the surveilliance footage of the bank robberries—but I always come up with zilch. Everything led to a dead end and we would become stuck until the next robbery occurred.

The bank was always empty, with nobody but the guard on duty around, during the robbery. Although the main part of the bank was closed, the robbers aimed the ATM machines which were separated from the main office, which is quite a good choice in my opinion, as not many people pull up around the bank at night to take some money out through transaction at the bank.

People think they’re professional, but I think otherwise. These two burglars were amateurs seeking a successful robbery with as little risk and danger as possible. ATM machines at night may hold as much as two hundred fifty thousand dollars, but the vault holds much more than the said amount, and if these two were ‘pros’ as the city claims them to be, I’m sure they would’ve already robbed the vault, when it was open during daylight. I heard the vault had more than a million dollars stashed inside.

The criminal with purple eyes is always the one who has his gun aimed on the security guards and the person who looks out for anyone else approaching the bank during the burglary. Since his eyes were unique, it was one of the most significant things about him, and also the characteristic the security guards at gunpoint remember most about him.

However, this also gives me a problem. Nobody is born with natural, amethyst orbs, so it was possible he wore contact lenses during the time of the crime, concealing his true eye color and making it difficult for me to narrow my search.

The brand of their black clothing remains unidentified, whereas the M5 guns they used in the robberies were bought out of the state, as our attempts to check for suspects from the list of customers whom bought M5 guns from the ammunition store from the date the robberies started proved worthless.

Time flew and I soon found myself at home, spotting my sister doing research on the computer.

Hey, Sera,” I greeted, removing my coat, “I have a date tonight.”

Have fun, Mei,” My sister glanced at me with a smile on her face. Her attention returned to the LCD screen.

After taking a refreshing bath, I wore a sleeveless, knee-length frock which was black in color. Then, I reached for a comb and ran it through my hair.

I kissed my sister on the cheek after exiting my room, and putting on a pair of black pumps, I hopped onto my moped before making my way to the Fifteenth Precinct where Gerard and I agreed to meet.

Despite having a small crush on Gerard, I was unsure of giving him my home address. This was why I arranged to meet elsewhere.

I parked my moped on one of the parking spaces provided for motorcycles in front of the station. Just then, a yellow sedan pullled up in front of the police department.

Gerard stepped out of the car and gave me a handsome smirk, “Hey, Kameira,” He greeted, going over to the passenger seat of the car to open the door for me. “Shall we?”

With a shy smile, I entered the vehicle. Soon, we were both on the road.

Where are you from?” I asked him as we made our way through traffic. The silence between us was killing me.

I’m from Chicago,” He calmly told me, his eyes still glued to the road as he turned left on a junction, heading toward East Uriah, “What about you?”

I stared out the window, the city’s stunning lights catching most of my attention. “I’m from out of the country.”

Out of the country?” Gerard repeated, surprised, “What are you doing in Uriah City, then?”

Well, that’s a long story,” I smiled, wagging a finger, “If you want to know, you have to be in a pretty good relationship with me before I trust you enough to tell you.”

Well, I’m sure we’ll get there pretty soon,” He chuckled, pulling up in one of the parking spaces in front of a steak restaurant.

Apparently, we were in Courting, a food heaven in the East Uriah area.

We both exited the vehicle and entered the restaurant, where Gerard asked for a table for two from one of the waitresses inside. His wish was instantly granted as we were led to a table near the windows, where a vista of the beautifully decorated main square was visible. The restaurant itself, however, was rather empty, with only a few couples and families inside, including Gerard and I.

After settling down and placing orders, I was finally given the chance to examine my date’s apparel. Although he wasn’t wearing a tuxedo (the tuxedo isn’t actully neccesary, but he would look stunning in it), he had a branded, button-up shirt tucked into his denim jeans, giving him a smart and handsome appearance.

You have beautiful eyes,” I complimented, realizing Gerard was absent-mindedly staring at me.

He blinked and blushed, embarrassed by my sudden comment, whereas I simply smiled. I wasn’t lying—his light brown eyes were very noticable, as it works well with his light skin and contrasts nicely with his jet-black hair.

When’s your birthday?” He asked, the blush still rather visible on his cheeks, “Mine is on the 7th of May.”

Mine is on 15th of October,” My lips curved into a small smile. “What do you work as, Gerard?”

For a split second, it seemed as though a rush of panic suddenly overtook him, causing his eyes to grow wide with worry. However, these simptoms vanished just as quickly as they appeared.

I’m unemployed,” Gerard told me calmly, adding in a winsome smile to go with his sentence.

And you could afford this luxury?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

I know I’m not supposed to be suspicious at my own crush, but I’m a detective, so it’s…natural.

My family is very rich,” He explained, “My father owns Kolten Kandies, that worldwide confection business, and he earns enough to feed all of the residents in the city, so I have no need to work.”

My eyebrows raised in surprise. No wonder his surname sounded so familiar! Kolten Kandies was Seraphine’s favorite chocolate brand.

So you live with your parents?”

Actually, yes, but they’re still in Chicago,” He shrugged, “I came to Uriah City to accompany a friend who wanted to finish some errands in the city. So we’re currently staying at the Summer Bay Hotel, just a few kilometers away from here.”

How about your family?”

I’m the only child in the family,” Gerard replied, his voice and facial expression softening slightly, “My mother was actually near to infertile, but it was a miracle when she conceived me. After my birth, she was unable to reproduce.”

I’m sorry to hear about that,” I frowned sympathetically, putting my hand on his.

That’s alright,” He muttered, before a blush crept up to his cheeks as he looked at our hands. His lips curved slightly—and although his smile was almost undetectable, I could tell it was a happy one. “Um…K-Kameira…?”

I smirked before lacing our hands together. “What, me? I have an older sister whose four years older than us.”

Gerard faked a cough and I let out an amused chuckle.

Hey, about your family confection business thing,” I uttered, loosening my grip on his hand, “Will you be in charge of the factory after your father?”

Yeah, but I don’t want to,” The dark-haired man sighed and shook his head slightly, “I don’t want to own a worldwide business.”

He laid back against his chair and said, “I was actually thinking of moving out of my parents’ home after my friend’s done with his errands.”

So, how long will you be staying in Uriah City?” I inquired, flashing him a hopeful smile, “I mean, you did tell me that you were here only to accompany a friend. When will you be heading back to Chicago?”

Well, helping him will take a few more months, but it’s totally unpredictable,” He shrugged his shoulders as a waitress set our drinks on the table. After giving her a brief thank-you, he took a sip of his juice and continued, “If things go according to plan, we’ll be heading home by the end of this year.”

Well, ten months is enough time for you to decide whether to stay here with me or not, right?” I was hoping for a sure yes from him.

Yeah, but I don’t like rushing,” He conceded, smiling apologetically, “Like you said, we have to be close in a relationship before making any serious decisions. Right now, I’m considering you as a friend, but I do hope we’ll grow into something more very soon.”

I smirked, “Basically, you’re telling me you have a crush on me, but you want to be friends for the time being, just so you’ll know me better before making any important decisions?”

He blushed, mused for a few seconds and hesitatingly nodded. “Y-Yeah, something like that.”

I took a sip of my coffee and looked away. “Don’t worry, I completely understand. I’m that type of person, too,” My lips curved into a smile and my eyes met Gerard’s, “That explains why I break up with people easily. Most of my ex-boyfriends tried getting there a bit too fast.”

It’s annoying, isn’t it?” Gerard laughed, and I nodded before his contagious mirth passed on to me. We both shared the same opinion about it.

What does your older sister work as?” His piercing light-brown eyes stared into my dark brown ones, and although I remained calm on the outside, I panicked inside.

She’s unemployed.” That was a lame answer, but it was one of the easiest replies I could think off. I didn’t have to do much explanation if I just told him my sister didn’t have a job.

So, you support the household?”

Well, the pay is pretty decent to support two adults,” I told him, smiling, “I’m not trying to brag, but I’m a pretty good detective. The captain always considers my opinions, so I get a raise from time to time, if my hunch turns out to be true. And most of the time, my hunch is true.”

That’s one of the advantages of being beautiful and smart,” Gerard flirtatiously raised an eyebrow as a winsome smirk played on his face, making me look away with a shy smile on mine. “Don’t worry, you’ll be the captain pretty soon, Kameira.”

Please, just call me Mei,” I informed him, flattered by his compliment.

We broke off our eye contact and silence fell upon us for a few minutes, giving me the chance to think of a question for Gerard, to stir up a conversation and escape the awkward silence between us. However, when I finally thought of a good inquiry, a waiter approached our table with our freshly-cooked appetizers.

.

What’s this? Food for me, Kameira?” My sister’s surprised voice was audible as she stepped into the kitchen, “It smells really good, too! You shouldn’t have, sis.”

Is it wrong for me to cook breakfast every once in a while?” I raised my eyebrow with a smile on my face as I turned from counter, holding the two plates in my hands as though they were trays. My sister was standing by the entrance of the kitchen with a grin, and I approached her before giving her the breakfast I prepared.

I thought you had an expensive dinner last night,” Seraphine giggled as we both walked toward the coffee table in the living room. “Shouldn’t you still be full from last night’s meal?”

No, I’m a small girl with a big appetite,” I said proudly, sitting opposite my sister. We tucked into our meal, which consisted of grilled sausages, scrambled eggs and toast, “Besides, as a cop, I need lots of energy, don’t I?”

That’s your excuse everytime I lecture you about drinking too much black coffee,” The brunette rolled her eyes, “And remember what Dawn said? I cook the food and take care of the house while you do the work to support us financially.”

I smirked.

Well, you woke up an hour too late to prevent me from cooking,” I nudged her, “I mean, take a look at your plate! I haven’t even started and you’re already halfway done with your scrambled eggs! You look like you’re enjoying my food.”

What? I like it when people cook for me,” My sister defended herself with her mouth full. I raised an eyebrow with a smirk, and she whispered hoarsely, “Don’t tell Dawn!”

We shared a laugh and continued with our meal. A whole day of investigation was ahead of me, so making the morning worth it was vital, considering I won’t be coming back home because of working overtime on the case.

By the time we were done, Seraphine brought our plates to the kitchen. I plopped onto the sofa and my sibling came out a few minutes later, before joining me on the couch.

She gave me a confused look, “Are you on leave today?”

Nope, I’m just going to be a bit late,” I shook my head and glanced up at the clock.

Usually, I’ll be at the precinct by 9 am (and that was the time now) but I had another thirty minutes to spare.

Um, Mei, can I ask you something?” Seraphine asked suddenly and I nodded in reply. She continued, “Are you familiar with loansharks or something like that?”

Well, I only investigate robberies, not homicide or violence or assault, so I don’t know much,” I frowned, “What do you want to know, Sera?”

Oh, that’s alright, never mind,” My sister looked away.

Wait, if this is concerning your target, Darren, why are you asking about loansharks?”

Just a hunch he’s a member of an organization of loansharks,” She calmly replied, before inquiring, “Is Darren his real name, or is it just a nickname the police came up for him?”

I was silent for a while before I replied, “The second one.”

Well, if so, I think he’s a loanshark known as Nathan,” Seraphine frowned, raising my eyebrow by suspicion, “I know, I know, his name is just like any other person. I was just wondering if you knew, though.”

Well, Nathan does sound kind of familiar,” I told her, narrowing my eyes as I struggled to remember from where I’ve heard the name before.

After a few minutes, it hit me, but I just stared at my sister with my eyes narrowed, “If I’m not mistaken, he was a killer.”

Was?”

He’s dead, Sera,” I stared at her with an incredulous look, “Three years ago, while he was escaping from the cops, he got involved in an accident and his car exploded, with him inside it.”

My sister had a bewildered look on her face.

His charred remains are in a graveyard over in that graveyard in Dean Fountain,” I apprised her, “He killed his mother, and took off in his car when policemen responded to the shooting heard by neighbors.”

That’s impossible,” Seraphine shook her head, “Wait, did they do any medical examination to make sure the body was his?”

I don’t know, but I don’t think a medical investigation was even needed,” I shrugged, “The police were on to him, lost him for a few minutes, and when they spotted his car again, they started shooting. The bullet hit him and caused his car to spin out of control, hitting a lamp post. Some bastard was smoking and ignored the scene, before throwing the hot cigarette butt onto the road and it came in contact with the leaking fuel, so the whole thing exploded.”

So, this accident alone is enough to make sure the body was his?”

Sera, if it wasn’t Nathan in the car, why would they shoot him?” I reasoned, “The streets had surveillance cameras and the person matched the description of Nathan, so I’m sure no medical investigation was needed to make sure the body was his.”

My sister was mentally exhausted and tucked her long fringe behind her ear before releasing a long, heavy and puzzled sigh.

After a few minutes, she inhaled deeply, held, and released her breath before uttering, “Either this Darren guy is a magician for making it out alive from that accident, or he’s just using Nathan’s identity to throw people off track.”

Nathan has a death certificate if you’re doubtful. I could look it up for you.”

Seraphine looked confused and stared at the ceiling. A few minutes went by before she finally stammered out, “Can you describe him?”

I only remember he’s taller than five-foot-eight and has brown hair,” The minute I uttered the sentence, my eyes widened. It was the same description as Darren’s.

Well, at least that’s assuring,” My sister smiled.

Yeah, but there are lots and lots of people who are tall with brown hair!” I reminded my sister and a puckish grin played on my face, only to have her playfully punch my arm.

I’ll have to call my client about how horrible the testing went,” Seraphine heavy-heartedly said, releasing a sigh. “I guess this is going to be a hard target, so my client gets a million dollar charge on this one.”

I chuckled. “Sera, why are your assassinations so professional, yet so cheap?”

My sister seemed unprepared to answer that question. After awhile, she allowed her lips to curve into a silly smile and shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe it’s because money doesn’t really matter to me in this job.”

Before I could utter another question, she held a hand up, interrupting me, “And I kill clients who don’t pay me because they are most likely to report to the police about me, not that it’s a punishment for not paying me, alright?”

Alright, alright, I get it,” How did she know what I was about to say?

My sister always had a strong sense of justice, but she was forced into assassination due to some complications. Now, Seraphine sees assassination as a much more effective way to get rid of evil, so she stuck to the job.

If you ask me, I’d say Seraphine as an assassin is the best occupation she could have. Unlike me, she had no education—she never attended elementary school or high school—but I have, which was why I qualified for a police officer.

It was rather funny on how the authority suspected Carnation was part of a criminal organization. They had no idea she was actually a young woman working alone.

How do you do it?” I asked my sister, “Why is it that you don’t wear a hood or a mask or a bulletproof vest, and you’re still not dead or arrested? Why is it that you’ve never left a fingerprint or a strand of hair, or a fibre at any of the scenes before?”

Cut the adulation, Mei,” My sister blushed and smiled, “Of course I’ve left a strand of hair somewhere at the scene—how else would the police know I’m a brunette? They even know my blood type, but I’ve never left a fingerprint around because I wear gloves, remember?”

There was my sister—she always hated bragging and always turned down compliments.

I glanced up at the clock and realized my time was up.

It’s time for me to go,” I told my older sister, pushing myself off the sofa to give her a small hug, “Good luck with your investigation, Sera.”

Good luck with yours, Mei,” Seraphine giggled as she watched me walk out the door.

By the time I arrived, parked and stepped into the police station, I sat at my desk, ignoring the glare Captain Dret was giving me (probably because I was late). However, the glower was brief, as he soon walked away and entered his office.

Rowell, who was sitting opposite me at his own desk, was watching me. With a small smirk on his face, he remarked, “Hey, is it just me, or are you Captain’s favourite detective?”

What do we have to do today?” I asked, ignoring his comment.

Investigate, of course,” He handed me a file, “But we’ve got to lay our hands off the UC Bandits for today—we’ve got to look into a jewellery store robbery which took place yesterday afternoon.”

I probed through the file and read the reports, “Are the suspects still in town?”

Yeah, we’ve been watching them just hours after the robbery,” Rowell took a sip of whatever was in his styrephome cup.

Wait, if we’ve been investigating since yesterday,” Slowly, my lips tugged downwards into a dissatisfied frown, “Why is it that I only know about this case today?”

I wanted to tell you, but you were so focused on the UC Bandits,” My partner shrugged, “When I was about to approach you, Captain stopped me and told me to leave you alone. So I did, until I caught you sleeping after I came back to the precinct when my shift to watch the suspects ended.”

With a groan, I hid my face in my hands.

Rowell chuckled, “Hey, like I said earlier, is it just me, or are you Captain’s favourite detective?”

.

I approached the counter to pay for my meal. As I probed through my purse, a man came up to the cashier and asked for a menu.

Something pressed against my foot, pushing in down painfully, causing me to let out a sharp gasp of pain. My purse fell out of my grasp, falling onto the marble floor with a loud click.

The man gasped and kneeled down to pick up my purse. I still had a small frown on my face when I accepted the purse from him and watched him pick up a few coins on the floor. He apologized, “I didn’t realize I was stepping on your foot. Sorry for that.”

He was still looking down, but I could sense his apologetic smile. After a while, he stood up and handed me the coins he picked up whereas I simply muttered a ‘thanks’. I looked up to smile at him and to tell him I was fine, but once I came face-to-face with him, I froze.

There they were again.

Those pair of eyes.

Those piercing, purple orbs which mesmerized me to the core, those same amethyst jewels which distracted me to the point I lost the robbers. It’s been a week and a day, from 15th of February to the 23rd, since I’ve last laid eyes on these orbs—and the fact I was staring at them at this very moment, just paralyzed me.

What?” The man casually asked me, raising his eyebrow and sounding confused.

I blinked and looked back at my purse. “N-Nothing. Are you wearing contact lenses?” I tried my best to sound calm and casual.

Yeah. Doesn’t everyone?” He said confidently with a smile, accepting the menu given to him by the waitress before walking away. I watched as he sat at his table, alone, running his fingers through his blonde hair as he went through the menu.

I turned to the cashier and gave her the money, thanking her before walking out of the restaurant. As I mounted my bike and buckled on my helmet, my gaze returned to the blonde man I had bumped into, only to realize he was already looking at me. He didn’t know I was staring at him, as my face was hidden by my helmet.

I started my bike’s engine and looked away. I didn’t want to think about those eyes anymore. Besides, he was most probably one of those people in the city who wear purple contact lenses.

There was a small chance he was the culprit, anyway.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
Rosendorn
Review
Rosendorn wrote a review Review · Jun 29, 2014

Hello.

I haven't read previous parts, so I'm more going to focus on little things in the prose for you to improve.

First off, your tenses. You switch between past and present like in this sentence: "

Once I’ve settled down, I shooed my partner away


Pick past or present. Past would be "I'd", and present would be "shoo". You have these mistakes throughout.

Next, dialogue punctuation. You have multiple errors in here and they can be fixed by going through the article. Your most common mistakes are found here:

Gerard stepped out of the car and gave me a handsome smirk, “Hey, Kameira,” He greeted


You should have a period before the dialogue, and that should be a lowercase H.

As for your dialogue tags themselves, ie- "greeted" and the like.

They're overbearing. Using "said" is not bad— in fact, said is the most commonly used dialogue tag, so as a result people skip over it. They don't notice when you've used it. Using tags like "greeted", while sounding nice in practice, draw attention to what should be invisible.

Hope this helps! PM me if you have any questions or comments.

~Rosey

ThereseCricket wrote a review Review · Jun 29, 2014

Hi! Cricket here for a review!!

I'll just try and be helpful all throughout this review, while pointing out some super stuff as well! :D Hope you enjoy this!

NITPICKS!!!

‘nap’,


With nap you can just put it in italics! :D

which surely drifted into a few hours now.


Hmm, this line didn't seem to make much sense to me. Maybe "which surely had drifted into a few hours now." Just seems like there was a word missing is all.

He said,


No need for He to be caps. :D

I lifted my head off of the desk and opened my eyes, reaching out for my phone, placed near a stack of files, concerning the robbery case, on the right side of my desk.


Oh, this seems like a cool sentence. But a little too long for my tastes. Almost like its a run-on sentence. I'd suggest splitting it up somehow and try to insert more description into it while you're at it. :D

‘Gerard’?”


There doesn't need to be these marks (') at the end and beginning of his name.

“Oh…um, since you’re busy, n-never mind.”

“W-Wait!” I sputtered out before he could hang up,


Ohh, no complaints here..just saying you do a good job on inserting emotion through dialogue and such. Good work! :D

After taking a few sips of black coffee


This seemed to abrupt to me, when you say BLACK coffee. I think it was the black that did it. Maybe if you tell us that through an example it might be better. Like a facial expression that indicates that its bitter tasting or something like that.

“And I kill clients who don’t pay me because they are most likely to report to the police about me, not that it’s a punishment for not paying me, alright?”


OK, just saying that if you use italics too much, then they will lose their magic. So using them every other word or so (slight exaggeration I know :D) isn't good.

After settling down and placing orders, I was finally given the chance to examine my date’s apparel. Although he wasn’t wearing a tuxedo (the tuxedo isn’t actully neccesary, but he would look stunning in it), he had a branded, button-up shirt tucked into his denim jeans, giving him a smart and handsome appearance.


Oh, with this I just have a suggestion. Instead of just telling us what he's wearing in one big chunky paragraph, you could tell us through examples, and social interaction. :D

whereas I simply muttered a ‘thanks’.


I'd put this part into dialogue, instead of the way you have it.

OK, and that's it! Hope this helped!

Image

Oh, how I needed this advice. Thank you! :D

User avatar
SpiraVita Review
SpiraVita wrote a review Review · Jun 20, 2014

That was not a bad filler. Obviously, the ending was great. The cliffhanger was good: alluring but vague, appetizing and alert. The only thing I have a problem with is the date. It was a little dry. The dialogue was a little lengthy for something that's suppose to be filler. But if the l'amour with Gerard is suppose develop into something significant then never mind. Besides that, I'd say this chapter is fine and meets your expectations. Can't to read more of this cop thriller.

Oh dear, I never thought somebody would actually review on this! I always write everything at about 5000 words, filler or not xD
Thanks so much for your review! It's made me incredibly happy!



There has never been a sadness not cured by breakfast food.
— Ron, Parks & Rec