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Chapter Three The Squall

by r4p17


The Rolphin plunged down into the trough of a wave. Spray flew everywhere, drenching Stefan, who stood at the tiller. For the past few days the crew had been out at sea. Then all of a sudden a squall broke out. Stefan called his crew into action as soon as it came upon them. They had almost no time to prepare.

"Lower the sail and raise the small one we use during storms!" he shouted.

Ulf and Harald immediately obeyed. Cnut meanwhile had the rest of the crew start rowing. For a time they made headway against the wind though in the end their efforts were futile. They were forced to hunker down under the sail which aslo acted as a waterproof canvas. Nonetheless the crew were still soaking wet from constantly bailing water out. They worked in three shifts. Every thirty minutes they would switch out. The storm raged without abating forever.

The squall at last passed on leaving the crew of the Rolphin soaked and tired though relatively unscathed. The ship too was no worse than before the storm aside from a minor leak which was quickly patched up by Bjorn and Ulf.

"Well, I see you are all right after that little bath I navigated you all through."

"If you call that a bath your definition of a bath must be really cold water constantly drenching you." Gündar replied dryly. Everyone chuckled softly.

"Well if you would have worked harder the water might have felt a little bit warmer." Stefan retorted. This time peals of laughter rippled through the ranks of the crew. Gündar's face reddened; he hated being laughed at. He noticed that Rolf and Rollin were laughing even harder than the rest. He slowly made his way toward them. They stopped laughing when they saw him on the move.

"Oh no." Rollin said. For once the two twins acted together as they grabbed two practice swords and faced Gündar. At a loss Gündar, picked up one of the poles poles used for shoving off and used like a spear. Rolf and Rollin grabbed a hold of it and pushed. Gündar tried to push back. But the twins let go. Gündar stumbled forward into the fore bulwark. Rolf and Rolling sprang toward him and brought him down to the floor of the deck. The boat rocked

"For once I side with Rolf and Rollin, Gunadar." Stefan said hiding a chuckle.

Gündar rose and and set the pole back in its place before returning to his rowing bench. Meanwhile Rolf and Rollin congratulated themselves on their success. This was the first and only time they bested Gündar. But of course after another minute an argument broke out between them about who did what.

"That was so funny when he just ran into the bulwark! Then I pounced on him in an instant. I bet he'll have a pretty sore back for the next day or two right?"

"No! He would have thrown you overboard if I hadn't been their to keep him pinned down. Besides, he will already have a sore back from bailing already."

"Well it will be even sorer because of ME, Rollin!" Rolf replied in annoyance.

"That ain't even a real word. It should be more sore stupid! Use grammar!"

"Well "ain't" isn't a word. Sounds a lot worse than sorer. Besides who cares."

"If you two don't stop your caterwauling you will forfeit the privilege of eatin' my fine supper." Rollo threatened. "And you will instead be required to help me."

"I suppose we had better stop arguing. If we don't we'll give Gündar a mighty fine pretext for throwing us overboard." Rollin said. Rolf assented to this.

"Well that is the first argument between those two that ended in peace." said Cnut. "I think we should have that be a tradition from now on don't you think."

"Well I wouldn't mind it." Stefan said. "But I don't think it will be quite as easy as that. However I believe we've made our first step in the that direction."

Soon most of the crew dispersed. Cnut however, remained by Stefan's side.

"Well sir, what is our plan right now?" Cnut asked. "I now we are trying to somehow avoid the New Hackolm Patrol but where are we headed. If a pirate ship did rob the Chaser it might have come from any of the Catanian islands."

"That's true. But I discovered one important thing as we sailed away. There was a mark on the hull of the Chaser. There must have been something that pulled up alongside it. As for where the ship is from who can tell. But I believe it came from Nitalia seeing that pirates and marauders practically own it!"

"But what do we have to go on to find out what ship we are looking for?"

"The ship was a blue one I think due to the fact that there was a blue mark on the Chaser. I also have another proof that it was small. You remember that object we saw on the first day of our expedition or quest. Well I believe that it was a ship not a whale. It must have gone in the trough of a wave. It was also difficult to see. That means it was probably small and blue. Finally the mark on the Chaser wasn't very big so that may indicate that the ship was small too."

"You're a genius Stefan." Cnut exclaimed. "A pure, full blooded genius! You should have been a sheriff or whatever those Caspian officials are called!"

"Well I have had a good amount of time to think all the facts over. But we will also need a plan. I suggest we procure some some pirate clothes and sail into their havens finding out information about small blue ships. Seeing that blue isn't a very common color we should be able to figure out where ship is pretty quickly. Soon we'll be on their trail. It's actually quit simple."

"I am glad that you are my captain Stefan! If you weren't we would have no hope of catching that pirate ship. But as it is are chances are only improving."


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Sun Jun 29, 2014 5:53 pm
AstralHunter wrote a review...



Salutations.

I see another wolf has already reviewed this work, and one of my fellow canine musketeers with whom I share a friendly competition, no less. Well, I have seen that you have reviewed my work, and for that I am grateful (though I have yet to actually read it - review days, exhausting stuff), so consider the favour returned.

I find your humour refreshing. Not only is it highly entertaining to see the crew squabble amonst themselves, but it also reveals a bit more about the characters themselves. I therefore applaud your charactarisation.


The Rolphin plunged down into the trough of a wave.

I found this sentence very strange, and only later did I understand that the underlined is the name of the ship. I advise putting it in italics.

They had almost no time to prepare.

Squalls are notoriously difficult to predict.

"Lower the sail and raise the small one we use during storms!" he shouted.

I am ninety-five percent sure there is a definite term for the sail to which you are referring, but as I myself am still studying nautical terminology and have yet to learn of many of the necessary terms, I cannot say exactly what it is.

Cnut meanwhile had the rest of the crew start rowing.

There should be a comma both before and after meanwhile.

For a time they made headway against the wind though in the end their efforts were futile. They were forced to hunker down under the sail which aslo acted as a waterproof canvas. Nonetheless the crew were still soaking wet from constantly bailing water out.

You seem not to be too sure as to where to place your commas. Well, each of the underlined spaces requires a comma, and the underlined word is spelled incorrectly, as you'll see.

The storm raged without abating forever.

I understand that your exaggeration is deliberate, but would you perhaps consider improving it by saying "for what seemed like forever"?

"If you call that a bath your definition of a bath must be really cold water constantly drenching you." Gündar replied dryly.

Even though he is sopping wet, that is rather dry. Oh, and did I mention that I love puns?

At a loss Gündar, picked up one of the poles poles used for shoving off and used like a spear.

Another comma is missing, but that is but one of three errors; the other two are the repetition of poles and the ommision of it.

"For once I side with Rolf and Rollin, Gunadar."

You spelled your own character's name wrong. *chuckles* I apologise if that seemed rude, but it was appropriate, considering the context.

"That ain't even a real word. It should be [u]more sore[u] stupid! Use grammar!"

Oh, that is really ironic, considering the underlined should be placed in quotation marks (or inverted commas, if you prefer calling it that) and ought to be followed by a comma.

"Well "ain't" isn't a word.

Hypocrite! ain't is a word, but not one accepted in formal language - it is a colloquialism. Anyway, how dare he object to the use of a colloquialism when he used one himself: isn't.


Your greatest issue in this chapter is with the usage of commas; however, I found few other errors, so I applaud you in that sense. As I have said, your chapter was highly entertaining, and I am amused by your use of caricatures. A chapter well done, I should say.

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r4p17 says...


Thank you for the review James! I do realize that my comma usage is pretty weak. I need to work on that. I am glad that you liked my characters. The twins (Rolf and Rollin) can be interesting Second Worlders, to say the least.



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Sun Jun 29, 2014 5:27 am
SpiritedWolfe wrote a review...



Hello again, r4, Wolf here for yet another review.

Oh yes, this is much improved from the last one. For the most part, you're dialogue is quite realistic, but the only exception to this is the twins, Rolf and Rollin. When I see them bickering, I always imagine them as twelve year old boys again, when I suspect they are supposed to be older men, probably early to mid twenties. Their characters just seem too boyish to me, but I guess that's how some men are. Still, I recommend looking over that.

To be honest, I'm not seeing too much character development, and not too many of them are really standing out to me as individuals. If this is supposed to be written in Stefan's point of view, I would kind of wish for more thoughts and emotions from him. Sure, we'll get an occasional chuckle and some dialogue, but where's the emotion in that? Where's the descriptions? Try not to let dialogue take over too much of the chapters, because a healthy balance is needed.

Once again, I do notice quite a few grammatical mistakes and the same advice I gave you last chapter stands here. Reread thoroughly and be sure to check for misused words. For example, I noticed in one spot the word 'now' was used instead of 'know'. One of them means time when another means wisdom or knowledge.

I did like you're usage of the storm at see, just to make the setting feel more right. You can't have a shop adventure without a storm can't you? Though it does make sense, but I'm not going to go into those reasons. I do wish you explained what a squall is, since I'm kind of confused one that. Anyway, Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare

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Tue Jun 10, 2014 12:27 am
MargoSeuss wrote a review...



This is quite whimsical. When I read this, the image of dwarves sailing the seas filled my mind! The names of your characters sound dwarvish to me I guess! The dialogue also reminds me of the way dwarves would speak: gruff and grumpy toward one another.

My suggestion to you would be to first read over this chapter and edit out the technical flaws. For example "At a loss Gündar, picked up one of the poles poles used for shoving off and used like a spear." <--At a loss, Gundar picked up one of the poles used for shoving off and used it like a spear. "But as it is are chances are only improving."<--But as it is our chances are only improving. At one point I think you may have used the word 'now' instead of 'know.' These are all common mistakes so don't feel bad! My next suggestion would be to fine tune your characters a little bit. You have many characters all with unique names, but you need to make it more clear who is speaking. Don't be afraid to use the word 'said.' I think you should also be sure to give them distinguishable personalities. This way they don't all appear to be the same character with different names.

Your idea here is very original and creative. You use good language and have well developed dialogue (just make sure to indicate who says what). Keep posting these chapters and thanks for sharing!




r4p17 says...


The names are Viking. It wouldn't make sense for dwarves to be sailing.

I am not sure what you mean by whimsical exactly.

I will try to work on making it clear who is speaking though I am a bit con-fused about what you mean. I though I was clear.

I am glad you like the story though! I will keep positing them.



r4p17 says...


I think you meant this to be a review by the way.



MargoSeuss says...


I did! I realized after I posted this that I meant to say that it was a review. I was quite perturbed at myself!




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