Hello Dragongirl! Here as requested. Apologies for the delay.
What are the words between our lines?
I'm not sure what you're referring to, here. Are you referring to hidden messages in someone's words? Or the metaphor "read between the lines"? I'm afraid I was a bit lost with this line.
Time, glances, soft laughter, shared moments.
If these are worth mentioning, then slow down and focus on them. Already, I feel that this poem is about two lovers, so this line has significance with stating the ways they fell in love and/or spent time together. I suggest you go back and split this line into four parts. Express each one, focus on them, highlight how it was important. Add imagery and emotion to strengthen it, because right now, it's weak. I feel like I'm reading a grocery list, not an account of someone's time with their lover.
A heat like goose bumps on both our skin.
"A heat like goose bumps"? This makes no sense. Revise it.
Does dinner merit a hug; or is it a kiss?
Rather than dinner, go with a date. Sounds more romantic and helps set the scene in the reader's mind. A dinner could be McDonald's for all we know.
Your strongest stanzas were the last two. Those were when you kicked up the imagery a knock. The other stanzas fall pretty flat. Now, I'm glad that you didn't try to force a rhyme scheme, but still, these stanzas are in need of some color. Imagery would do wonders to this. Also, emotion. From what I gather, this is a poem about a girl whose boyfriend used her and then left her. Right? So there's gotta be anger, sadness, regret, pain, etc. underneath all of that. This poem should have more emotion than it should.
Overall, I think you did a good job with keeping the story constant throughout the entire poem. The stanzas connected nicely and each one focused on a specific part of the story, going from the beginning of their love to when he left and how she felt afterwards. I enjoyed reading it so thank you for sharing.
I hope this helps.
~Iggy
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