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Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

Fern Chapter 6 - Training With Sisters

by Messenger


A/N: I am not sure if this chapter may seem a bit repetitive, but I think it is vital. Tell me what you think!

The next Morning Fern had breakfast in bed. Sometimes she really enjoyed being an heir to the throne. It meant lots of luxury. Although her father had greatly cut down on the amount of snobbishness the royal family should hold, and had turned the lifestyle to one more rugged, he still had kept a certain amount of power over all others.

Fern finished up her bread and let one of her chambermaids help dress her. She slipped into tan riding pants, a white shirt, and a green vest. Then she combed her hair and put it in two pigtails. She applied minimal make-up, and was just about to leave the room when a knock sounded on the door.

She said, “enter,” and in walked Jasper.

“Fern! Glad to see you up and about. I hope you haven’t been too traumatized over yesterday’s events?” He had a concerned look on his face.

Fern shook her head. “No, I feel fine. A little sore perhaps, but I’m ready to go back to training.” To be honest she felt more than a little scared, but Jumper’s ability to protect her the night before, had given her confidence she would not have found otherwise.

Jasper let a smile spread over his face “Good. I must apologize for the danger I put you in yesterday. It was my fault we were attacked.” He bowed.

Fern always found it interesting that even though she was so much younger and was being trained by Jasper, he always seemed to feel that she had control over him. It comes with being of royal blood I guess, she thought and once again shook her head.

“It’s okay. I’m fine. Jumper is a really good dragon.”

Jasper seemed to find that to be a satisfactory answer, and stood straight. “Well then, I have important news to tell you. Your father has told me I have a quest for your sisters.”

Fern perked up at that. “A quest!”

Jasper smiled thinly. “It is going to be dangerous Fern. This is no fun matter. We must go protect the colonies along the river until your father has suitable time to gather an army.”

“An army? But-“

Jasper raised his hand. “I’ll explain on the way. For now we will head out and practice with your sisters. We’ll leave for Salmon Settlement tomorrow at noon.”

~~~~

And practice they did. Jumper was anxious to get going, as was Fern, and she could see that Iris and Lily had no small amount of excitement in their eyes. Lily had her golden hair tucked behind her ears, and wore light leather armor with an emblem of a red dragon on it.

As was custom, when training was complete Fern would get a similar suit of armor, with an emblem of Jumper on it. Lily’s dragon was named Serene, for although she was a dangerous foe in battle, she had an air of confidence and majesty about her that she conveyed through absolute calm. It fit Lily, Fern though. The two were so similar in attitudes. Well, as similar as a dragon and human could get.

Iris on the other hand had a vibrant yellow dragon, its scales etched with brown rim, and little white triangles on its underbelly. It had gnarled horns and a fierce face with a long mouth, a large snout, and large eyes, flickering back and forth. It pranced back and forth anxiously, wanting to fly. Iris stood next to it, holding her cone-shaped armor helmet in one hand, petting her dragon, Spitfire, with the other. She had short brown hair, a tribute form their father, and was dressed in her leather armor.

Fern hopped on Jumper and waited for Jasper to give out directions. And for the next five hours they practice, and practiced, and practiced. First they worked on flying maneuvers such as spins, sideways flight, which Fern found extremely terrifying and yet exciting, and sharp turned.

Then they went to fire drills, blasting away at targets made throughout a miniature city, built just about half a mile of the mountainside where an old settlement had been long ago. Within minutes the place was covered in smoke and ashes. Fern noticed that Spitfire had the most ferocious fire attack besides Crimson, and that although Serene breathed fire, she didn’t have the same intensity.

Fern noted the fact to Jasper. “Why is she like that?”

“Well, not all dragons have the same attributes. Serene is the result of mixing an on-fire-breathing dragon with a fire-breather. She turned out to still breathe fire, but she likes the other dragon attacks more.” Jasper raised his voice so the other girls could hear him. “Which is what we are going to practice now! Wing attacks and chomp attacks!”

So up into the air they went again. Jasper had brought along dummies with string attached to them, which he now tied to his saddle pommel, and then had the girls try to chomp it as it sailed through the air. Fern immediately noticed that Serene was quick on this drill, never missing the target. Spitfire missed occasionally, but Jumper missed the most.

Fern frowned. She knew it was bound to happen since Jumper was a newer dragon, but she still wasn’t happy about it. But before she could really say anything about it, they switched to the other attacks.

The wing beat was easy for Jumper to master. A dragon’s reflexes have a great deal to do with this attack, so Jumper was quick on the jump, smashing the targets with her strong wings. At last Jasper called for a break.

“You are all doing well. Iris and Lily, you’ve been doing well keeping your dragons fit and ready for a fight Jumper is behaving well, but of course she doesn’t have the same practice as the others.”

Fern smiled at that, patting her neck. “You’re doing pretty good girl. Keep it up.”

“Now,” Jasper continued, “I think this is enough practice for today. Head home, take care of your dragons, then get ready for tomorrow and get some good sleep.”

Together the soared back to Revaltree. Fern found the ride back exhilarating. She was flying with three other dragons. The wind that the wing beats blew across her face cooled her off after the intense practice, and it was exciting to finally work as a whole team of dragons.

When they landed they worked as team to feed and groom their dragons. Jasper let Lily show Fern some of the finer points of cleaning a dragon. One such technique for cleaning and at the same time calming a dragon, was to take a damp cloth and rub it on Jumper’s underbelly. The beast made a sound that Fern thought could have been a chuckle.

After that the fed the animals with massive bags of grain. Lastly, and for all the girls most enjoyable of the tasks, the clean out the large stalls. When they were finally done Fern was sweating heavily and yearning for a bath and sleep. Iris and Lily felt the same way, so they raced for the castle gates.

After the most incredibly relaxing and soothing bath Fern had ever taken, she wrapped herself in an expensive pink bath robe and combed her hair once again. When she returned to her room she slipped into her nightgown and ate a quick dinner before slipping off to sleep.


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301 Reviews


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Mon Jun 16, 2014 9:56 pm
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Snowery wrote a review...



Meshy! :D

So clearly I'm busy studying for my all important exams which is why I'm here reviewing your story :)

I love your narrative voice! It's really pleasant to read and has a warm and comforting tone to it that I really enjoy. Your descriptions are wonderful as always. It's also seems that you have quite an adventure planned for the sisters! :D

Okay, so now to the nitty gritty. I felt that this was a really passive chapter and that I wasn't really part of much of the action that went on in the training session. I don't mind too much because it suits your writing style, but what I did mind was the lack of interaction between the three sisters. I felt that that the lack of their interaction contributed heavily to the overall passiveness of this chapter. I feel that we need a little more dialogue. Or if you don't want to put dialogue then give us a moment where Fern hits a target and one of her sister catches her eye and smile at her, or if it's the more feisty Iris, a grin and a fist pump. There needs to be more interaction whether it be through dialogue, expressions or body language, otherwise you run the risk of the reader not being able to connect with your characters that well.
Also, interaction will help you to shine Fern's personality too. I feel like you're telling us a lot about her, “Fern is like this, Fern is like that.” Why should we believe you? Put her in a situation and let us see for ourselves how she would react. Of course, you can't do this all the time ^.^ I'm just giving you something to think about when you're writing later chapters.

Now, you asked me once if I liked Jumper. Sure, she seems like a nice enough dragon. The thing is, there's nothing to mark her as exceptional. When I say exceptional, I don't mean different, I mean that something about her has to stand out and connect with the readers. I just don't feel like enough of her personality is shining through yet. Think about Toothless, that dragon just has so much charm and character you just have to love him. The way he move his head, the way he acts around Hiccup, and his love for fish are all things that we remember about him. I want more of that from Jumper. I need more presence from her. I want to see what she's like in your head.

Apart from all that this was a really nice chapter! :) I love how your setting us all up for what hopefully will be a big adventure :) Keep up the brilliant work and happy writing! :) :)

Shilvahlock




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Wed Jun 04, 2014 9:16 pm
r4p17 wrote a review...



This chapter wasn't too repetitive. I think that you needed to have a break in the action. It also helps to explain the methods of attacks the dragons use a little more. As long as you keep the story moving in the next chapter I think that you will be doing pretty well! :D

The story flowed nicely aside from a couple times when you breezed through it a little to much and used tell such as "First they worked on flying maneuvers such as spins, sideways flight, which Fern found extremely terrifying and yet exciting, and sharp turned." and "Then they went to fire drills, blasting away at targets made throughout a miniature city, built just about half a mile of the mountainside where an old settlement had been long ago. Within minutes the place was covered in smoke and ashes. Fern noticed that Spitfire had the most ferocious fire attack besides Crimson, and that although Serene breathed fire, she didn’t have the same intensity. This may just be my personal preference though I woud look into this a little bit.

Aside from a few other grammatical errors, which are to be expected, I really enjoyed this chapter.





Oh, I'm sorry. My friends are in the popcorn and I have to save them.
— Tori Hansen, Power Rangers Ninja Storm