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Young Writers Society


16+ Language

Once a Church, now a Graveyard, part 1

by Milaita


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

I sat at the dilapidated window, furiously writing in my leather-bound notebook. The old church had been built almost a hundred years ago, but still reigned over the collapsed buildings that dotted the hillside. If you lingered in them for long enough, you could almost hear the cries of the damned in the dimly lit rooms of the sleeping quarters. Many people died in this old holy place. I threw my book to the side, sending dust into every nook and cranny of the previous sanctuary. I stormed from the chapel, stopping as the frigid winds caressed my face. As I looked around, I spotted a small grave that seemed different somehow. Trudging through the overgrown vegetation, I noticed that the gravestone itself was more recent than the fractured ones that surrounded it.

Rosemary Wills

2236-2250

A beloved daughter

of the Lord. May she

rest in peace.

I decided I would at least pay my respects to the poor girl. She died at such a young age. Although, it was to be expected, the world being as it is now. I spotted a small pink flower by the rusted iron fence that surrounded the actual cemetery, swaying in the air. I stooped by the dainty little plant, harvesting it gently. It almost seemed out of place in this tattered landscape, a single living flower among thousands of dead bushes, but then again, so was I. Laying the blossom on the mound, I dipped my head in prayer for young Rosemary.

"Damn kids keep dying young, we're not going have anybody to save us!" A voice called behind me. I spun around to look at them, but no one was there. I sighed, turning my attention back to the grave. A man had situated himself behind the grave-marker, casually leaning on it as if it were as sturdy as he was. I calmed my excited heart, examining the man's face. He seemed to be a drifter, not living in one place or the other, but wandering the province for a sign of hope or of life.

"Name's Dill, who're you?" he asked, squinting his eyes.

"Those who still live call me Katarina," I said softly, crossing my arms across my chest.

"So, why're you here?" he spoke bluntly, a trait that bothered me. I did not respond, simply walking away, listening to the sound of my boots thudding against the mud beneath them.

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933 Reviews

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Fri May 30, 2014 3:22 am
Iggy wrote a review...



ACK THE MAIN CHARACTER HAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE NAMES. 8D

I mean. Hi. xD

Okay, so first off, I want to talk about your imagery skills. They rock. Like seriously. You're doing great so far, spicing up the ordinary words with the more complex synonyms, but yet you don't overdo it. I like that.

I like that the main character is mysterious, but what I wanna know is: what's she doing in some random church? Seems like an odd place to ponder and reflect on life. She was writing in a journal though, so does that mean she's a writer? Hmmm.

Then comes in Dill, who makes a grand entrance. Already I like him and he asks the question I just asked, so we must be of two minds! But now I wonder why he's here.

My only two nitpicks would be this:

"Those who still live call me Katarina." I said softly, crossing my arms across my chest.


Careful with your dialogue, there. The period after her name should be a comma.

and my other nitpick would be the ending. Pretty weak way to end this chapter, especially when it started off so good! It seems too abrupt, like you didn't want to make it too long and cut it in half. I don't know if that was your plan or not, but just so you know, this could've done with a bit more length to it. It was pretty short and left me unsatisfied, despite the nice wordplay you got going on.

But yet, it's left me curious for more so do let me know when chapter two comes out. ^^

Hope this helped.

~Iggy




Milaita says...


I always forget to use commas at the end of dialogue bits. Every time. And it's cut off because class ended just as I got to that point. Poor timing on my part.



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Fri May 30, 2014 2:14 am
SpiritedWolfe wrote a review...



Hello Mila, Wolf here for a review.

Your writing is so beautiful, and I am very intrigued. How dare you leave us with so little! (Kidding, it's a very nice start, and I'm excited to see where you'll take this.

So usually I will start off wth a nit-pick or two, but I can't seem to find any, nice job! You did a good job of looking over it, or just a perfect job of writing it out in the first place. This is very important since without glaring grammar or spelling mistakes, the reader is more focused on the plot, rather than tiny mistakes.

So in the beginning, when the church is beginning to he described, I would recommend to add that she is in the church. It makes it seem more relevant than just telling us about some seemingly random church. Also, I was quite confused on what made her get so angry? Why'd she suddenly throw her book across the room? And when she got outside, where'd that anger go? If anything, I would think she would lash out at the stranger.

Your imagery is very good, and I love how I'm able to picture this scene. I do wish that more relative locations to each other. I think a hill was mentioned (my mind may be muddled though so if you didn't, so sorry), but how does everything relate? Are there graves in front yard of the church? If so why?

As mentioned earlier, this is a very good start and there are so many different directions you can take this. Even though I'm sure it's not, just the feel and the title make is seem like some kind of apocalyptic setting, like with zombies and such. You leave the reader asking so many questions, which for now is good since it is so short. I can't wait to see more! Keep Writing,
~Wolfare




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Thu May 29, 2014 7:21 pm
Lonelymountain wrote a review...



From this section of the novel i can already tell i want to read the rest, not only is is captivating but very well written and our descriptive language makes this piece so vivid. I already feel like i know Katarina and picture her in my head despite the fact she isn't described. You have also left me dying to know why she said "Those who still live." like why wouldn't you just say people! Anyway love this!





I like anchovies~ but nobody calls me that.
— alliyah