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Young Writers Society


12+

Belinda Cabbotry: A Different Perspective (PART 3)

by WillowCutz


"There's gotta be somewhere he'd go..." Belinda said, looking out of the passenger's side of Emily's car.

"Maybe the police could tell you..." Emily muttered, turning another left closer to Copple rd. Belinda looked over at her friend and frowned like she was superior to Emily.

"Emily, hasn't anyone ever told you not to go to the police with a problem?"

"Oddly enough, no. The exact opposite actually."

"Please, the police have budget cuts you wouldn't believe. We are extending their resources beyond what their wallets can."

"Do some of those budget issues include your hospital bills?"

"Irrelevant!" Belinda said, holding her index finger to the air like a revolutionary leader. "I am just as capable as any detective."

"Look I'm not doubting your intelligence. I'm doubting your ability to walk more than a yard without keeling over."

"Ah." Belinda said smiling like a Harvard grad student who was bragging about their credentials. "But that is precisely what makes me a better detective!" Emily couldn't help but to give her a doubtful frown for a second before turning back to the road.

"How does that make you better?"

"Sympathy is a very powerful tool, Emily. You can say no to any police officer, but when that officer is coughing up blood and choking on her own throat...?"

"She dies."

Belinda sighed. Emily did not understand her vision, but she was surprisingly good at forgiving her when she disagreed. "Look, Belinda, you are a brilliant detective. You just need to leave the confrontation to the other people."

"Who's Belinda?" Belinda asked. Emily's brow furrowed.

"Um, you are. 'Belinda Cabbotry, forensics detective'." Belinda thought for a second.

"Hmmmm..." Belinda thought harder. Sure she had said that earlier, she could remember that much, but why she said it... It had not seemed right after she had said it, but it had rolled off her tongue in the moment. A name came up in her head, but it was not Belinda Cabbotry. Melanie was what she had thought it was, but if Emily thought it was "Belinda" she must be right.

Belinda Cabbotry, Belinda thought, I know I've heard that name somewhere before. Perhaps a friend from the hospital? Have I been using that name this whole time? How embarrassing would that be. I should tell her my name is Melanie Christie.

Belinda opened her mouth to speak, but she lost her train of thought. That happened sometimes, when her short-term memory failed. She had always been better at remembering things long-term. That's why she'd usually leave herself post-it's when she was working on a case. To keep herself from forgetting big details.

"Where are we going?" Melanie/Belinda asked, combing her hair back with her fingers.

"Your house." Emily said making another turn.

"We can't go there." Belinda said laughing at her like Emily had said the sky was yellow. It was in fact pitch black.

"And why not?"

"How fast did you lock your car when you parked during the day?" Belinda asked leaning back in the passengers side of the car.

"So?" Emily said half-heartedly, "Where am I supposed to take you?" Melanie sat up and thought, her legs crossed like she was having tea with the queen.

"I don't know, the station. I usually sleep there anyway."

"Really?!" Emily asked surprised.

"Yeah, if you fold your arms on the desk it sort of feels like my pillow."

"No," Emily glanced over at Belinda, "I mean you sleep at your workstation?"

"Oh... Yeah, sometimes when I can't get home fast enough."

"You could come over to my house." Emily suggested, clearly upsetted by idea of poor sick Belinda curled into a ball in the cold lab.

"Ridiculous." Belinda grinned, "I didn't know you before today. How could I have slept over at your house all those other times?"

"No, I was offering to let you sleep o- Oh forget it." Emily made a U-turn on the deserted street.

"Forget what?"

Emily would have pushed her out of the car at that moment if she were not possible for her to have actually forgotten what they were talking about.

"Mornin' Belinda." Emily said, walking into work the next morning. She decided last night not to take Belinda up on her offer to stay, and went home for some rest. She wasn't happy about leaving her there, but she didn't have a choice. On the bright side, Belinda had made a lot of progress on her connections wall. On the bad side, Belinda had made a lot of progress on her connections wall.

Belinda jumped out of her chair as she stumbled awake. She fell to the floor with a crash of her stool. Emily rushed to her colleague's side. She was breathing, but she didn't seem to be able to move for a few seconds. Slowly, Belinda picked herself off the floor and levered herself up with the desktop.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked for about the twentieth time.

"Scared me." Belinda said with a slight lisp that had been missing from her voice the night before. Actually it disappeared right after she has that seizure on David Run road, now that Emily thought of it. "Never wake someone up during Remmy-remmy sleep sleep."

Well that sounded stupid, Belinda thought.

"R.E.M.?" Emily asked.

"Thank you." Belinda sighed, grabbing a cane from the side of her desk, "I thought I was going to look totally stupid there."

"You still did." Emily admitted. Belinda grinned.

"Well thanks anyway." Belinda smiled pleasantly and unwrapped a chocolate bar. "What happened last night?" she mumbled through chunks of chocolate.

"Don't you remember?" Belinda thought hard for a second then shook her head. Belinda opened her mouth to say something, but the door opened up before she could. David walked in with a big grin on his face.

"Good morning Bellie."

"'Ello." Belinda smiled.

"Hi too." Emily put in awkwardly. David nodded a greeting to her and walked up to Belinda. She sat back down in her chair and looked up at him in interest. She smiled goofily, like a little kid, through her black hair.

"You can't hide this stuff from me." He told Belinda, waving around a little folder as he did.

Belinda's mouth quivered for a second before she found the right words. "When did you get that? It was in meus domus." she shook her head. Again with the Latin? Belinda, forget the Latin and learn some proper English! "I mean, in my house."

David pulled a keychain out of his pocket and shook them in her face. "You gave me your keys. I decided to get them myself before you found the culprit and confronted him with out us."

"Wait!" Belinda interjected, "But I did that this time-" Belinda slapped a hand over her mouth. "Oh."

"Yeah." David said, ruffling her hair slightly. Belinda smoothed out her hair.

"But it's not the burglar." Belinda insisted.

"This information," he waved the folder in her face, "Begs to differ."

"I know how it appearence-" 'looks', Emily translated in her head, "But this was murder!"

"Yeah," David nodded, "And Morty did it." Belinda's hands flew up as she gestured in frustrated muteness.

"Premeditated murder!" Belinda screamed, "I know there's not a lot evidence to suggest that it was, but it was a planned act!"

"I'm sorry." Emily interjected awkwardly and the two of them looked up from their argument. "I'm lost. Morty?"

"Morty Simms!" Belinda growled, "He's being charged for the murder of Yana Walsh and he's innocent!" David rubbed his forehead.

"For god's sake he admits to being in the house at the time of the murder. And he's got a pretty long record." Belinda's face contorted deeper into her frown.

"Of thievery, not murder."

"Belinda, in this line of work you should know that it only takes one mistake."

"But I know he didn't." Belinda sighed.

"How, 'cause of this?" David motioned to her wall of red yarn and pictures, "I took a look at that forum, there's nothing sinister about it. Just a bunch of posts about what they'd do with a million dollars."

"I'm positive that you are wrong." Belinda insisted.

"Hey, uh, still lost here." Emily interjected.

"They think a burglar killed Yana because of the keyboard." Belinda explained.

"What about the keyboard?" Emily asked.

"It's light." David answered, "Not exactly the weapon you'd use to try to kill someone."

"And it's also not easy to kill him with it." Belinda said thoughtfully, "You'd have to try. And then of course there's the position he was in when we found him."

"He was just sitting in his chair right?" Emily remembered.

"Exactly, if I knew I was getting burglarized the last thing I'd do is sit down at the computer." Belinda explained.

"Who says he knew?" David asked skeptically.

"Again the keyboard. If he was sitting in the chair, that means his keyboard would be in the little hide away tray beneath the desk. It would be a pixelated-" virtual, Emily translated, "impossibility for Morty to sneak it away without Yana noticing and if he did sneak it away it'd be before Yana sat down. In which case why not grab something harder?"

"I'm not saying he had a lot of time to choose his weapon of defense." David shrugged, "Maybe he just picked it up in a hurry."

"Then how did he have time to unplug the keyboard from the computer and replug it after he was done? Risking that one of the wires would catch on the desk? Implausible."

"Okay, I see where you're coming from." David admitted, "But this is the exact opposite of what you said a year ago when we were on that case with the Bohemian Rhapsody murderer." Emily didn't even want to know what that case was about.

"One," Belinda answered, "You know I don't remember specific cases, and two this is a very different case from that."

"In what way?"

"This is a keyboard and that was a hula girl lamp." Belinda said, glaring at him.

"I thought you didn't remember cases." David said with a confident smile.

"I remembered." Belinda said, turning to her desk. Her ears were red and her feet were frantically trying to find a foothold on the chair. "Isn't my word enough by now?" she said sadly.

"This is the police, I need an actual form of evidence to convict a man."

"Then I'l find some." She said, gritting her teeth as she opened a pill bottle from her desk.

"Belinda, what makes you think a sleep-over will help?" Emily asked as Belinda dragged her into her house.

"Staples button," Belinda said confidently, clearly meaning "easy". "I'm his next victim." Emily's eyes widened.

"What do you mean 'next victim'?"

"I gave him my name, correct?" Emily nodded. "Well, he was able to track down five people and kill them. I doubt he'll have trouble finding me with the long list of medical-" Belinda's voice fell away as she cleared her throat of mucus, "- sorry- History."

"So we're going to stay in the house where the murderer will be?" Belinda nodded, unlocking the door with no less than seven keys. "What part of this was smart?"

"There's a spare bedroom upstairs." Belinda said walking into her office and leaning on the door like she was about to close it. "You can take you pick between the two, just not the one with the locks on it."

"What's in the one with the locks on it?"

Belinda smiled, "My bedroom." Then the door slammed closed, the papers hanging from the door frame slowly fell back into place as locks clicked closed from inside.

Emily headed upstairs, realizing that she didn't exactly have the choice to say no to Belinda. Of she left then Belinda would be left in a house with a murderer, if she stayed Belinda at least had a chance.

Beyond the dark abyss that was Belinda's second floor, there was about five different rooms. The first was a stylistically yellow bathroom. Beyond the wet towels and medicine bottles, it look like it wasn't really touched by Belinda's decorating style.

The second door led to a small bedroom with only a bed with dusty sheets, and surprisingly no litter or blood stains on the floor. The third door led to pretty much the same room, except it was organized opposite to how the last room was. Meaning that the bed was on the right side of the room instead of the left.

The fourth door had about three sets of locks on it. Must be Belinda's, Emily thought. So Emily moved along to Belinda's fifth door. The doorknob of the last room was dented, like Belinda had tried to knock it off with a hammer. It squeaked when Emily turned it and the door opened with a loud creak like it needed oil.

"What the...?" Emily asked. The room was about a square four feet by four feet with brick walls on all sides. There was a solitary lightbulb and string hanging from the ceiling. When Emily turned it on, dim light covered the floor to reveal a small safe door where the wood floor should be.

Emily kneeled down to observe the safe. It was gray, with a three pronged handle and a circular dial for a three number combination. Emily couldn't help herself, she kneeled down closer and pressed her ear against the cold metal. She knocked on the door and listened to the reverberations. It sounded like it went on forever, but then again Emily had never listened to the reverberations on a metal safe before.

Emily thought about trying a combination or two, but thought better of it. The safe could have a million combinations. She'd never have enough time before Belinda came out. So Emily headed back downstairs. She was just around the corner into the living room when the door-bell rang.

Emily paused to hear if Belinda was going to go answer it, but when the door bell rang again and Belinda gave no signs of leaving her office, Emily answered the door. It was a small Hispanic looking boy. He had short brown hair and a wide rectangular smile.

"Hello?" Emily asked.

"'Ello!" he grinned.

"Who are you?" Emily asked.

"Ravi." he smiled, with a high pitched and very strong spanish accent.

"Okay..." Emily clutched the side of the door, ready to close it at any moment.

"I'm here to make sure Belinda not dead. She still good?" Emily wasn't quite sure what to make of this, but he slipped into the house under Emily's arm. Emily turned around to see him point to the door of Belinda's office. "She in office?" Emily nodded.

"Are you a friend of Belinda's?"

"Yes." his "s" slurred long, "Sometimes Melanie, depending on the day."

"Okay..." Emily thought for a second. The kid didn't look like a tiny thief, but on this street anyone could be. "Does Belinda know you're here?"

"She tell me to stop by around this time to make sure she not dead. She leaves a note if you want to be sure." Emily nodded, "She leave it on closet door." he walked over to one of the walls and gazes over a bunch of post-its before picking one off and handing it to Emily.

"Dear self," it read, "Ravi is not a serial killer. You asked him to come over to check on you." Emily nodded and handed him the note. He smiled and placed it on the wall.

"Back on door." he muttered to him self.

"Wall." Emily corrected.

"No, door." he insisted. He motioned her to come look, "See crease in paint?" he smoothed his fingers over a part of the wall that dipped in farther than the rest. "Belinda say that house is very old. Part of some 'prohibition' era and this where they hide wines many years ago."

That would explain the safe, Emily thought.

"I go make tea now. Belinda be a while." Ravi walked comfortably to the kitchen and began to make some tea. Emily had to admit he definitely seemed to know where everything was in the house. Perhaps she mis-judged him.

As soon as he was around the corner, Belinda's office clicked open and Belinda silently approached her. "Do you know a Ravi?" Emily asked and Belinda nodded, walking into the kitchen too.

Emily followed, but she didn't exactly feel comfortable in this house. All the creaking floor boards and clutter made it just unbearable to wait in any room of the house.

Ravi set a mug down at the table and nodded for her to sit. Emily sat, and sipped the tea. She wished it were soda though. Belinda grabbed a mug for herself and motioned for Ravi to sit down at the table and wait for his own mug.

"I'm sorry," Emily finally asked, "Is this normal for you?"

"What do you mean?" Belinda asked, dipping a tea bag into a mug and letting it sit.

"He just waits at your door until you decide to let him in?"

"I have key." Ravi said holding up a small lonely key on a ring.

Belinda nodded and pointed to the small boy and nodded.

"But he just comes everyday to check up on you?" Belinda nods, pouring about five cubes worth of sugar into her mug.

"He's a nice kid." Belinda shrugged as she stared at the mugs wondering how she was going to get them both to the table without falling over. Ravi jumped out of his seat and grabbed his mug and brought it to the table. Belinda smiled slightly and trotted over to the table with her mug.

"I don't doubt it I just don't get why you have a kid check up on you and not a nurse or something." Belinda suddenly crinkled her nose as she heard the word "nurse". Even through her supersaturated tea the word was sour. "Did I say something wrong?"

"Nurse." Belinda grumbled, "Why do they always think I need a nurse."

"Belinda does not need nurse." Ravi explained. Emily was not so sure about that fact.

"But you need a kid to check up on you." Emily countered.

"ButIDon'tNeedHelpI'mJustFine!" Belinda screamed. Emily thought that over a few times before the words made sense. Belinda let loose a gasp and tried to calm down.

Belinda, calm down, you'll only scare them off and then where would we be?

Better off without all their worrying.

Belinda, be reasonable. You may not like it, but you need people you can trust.

"For what porpoise?!" Belinda yelled out, instantly regretting it. She sighed and looked up at Emily who was staring nervously at her. Then she looked over to Ravi, who was calmly sipping his tea like nothing odd had happened.

That's why. Belinda told herself, See Ravi? He trusts you and he cares about you. You need to nurture that in people.

Belinda took a deep breath. Her pulse suddenly felt like a racing car or a fire alarm. "Purpose." Belinda corrected for herself, "For what purpose."

"Are you okay?" Emily asked.

"Fine, just I don't need a nurse or anything. I can deal with who I am just fine. Thank you for your concern." Belinda sipped her tea and hoped that her colleague didn't completely think she was psycho.

"Okay." Emily said softly, "Obviously I don't know what you have to deal with and I should just leave you to decide that sort of stuff. I just worry cause you don't always look like you can handle the pain. But you're smart and you know your limits." Belinda smiled blankly for a few seconds. Emily waved her hand in front of her face and Belinda eventually shook her head awake.

"I'm sorry what?" Belinda said clearly.

"I was just apologizing." Emily said slightly annoyed.

"Oh, for the nurse thing. You don't need to, I understand why you would think that."

"You do?" Emily asked.

"I wouldn't ask." Ravi said from the other side of Belinda.

"Cause you're unfamiliar with the boundaries of my intelligence." Belinda said smiling slyly. "Don't worry, in time you'll learn to understand." Ravi shook his head in disapproval. "Anywho, we have a mastermind to catch and no time to waste." Belinda stood up carefully and stood as straight as possible.

"Will you need my help?" Ravi asked. Belinda thought for a second than shook her head.

"Just time and a friend to make sure nothing goes wrong. It would be irresponsible to put you in harm's way, Ravi. You should go home." Ravi nodded and took a last sip of his tea before standing up and giving the woman a hug before leaving. Belinda waited for the front door latch and began to shuffle around the kitchen. "What do you need for dinner?"

"What? I thought we were catching a murderer." Emily stretched her neck out to watch her as she disappeared behind the bottom cabinets of the counter.

"We will, but not until he comes for us. I thought I explained this before. Soup, Mac and Cheese, or lobster?"

"Uh, lobster?" Belinda popped up from behind the counter again.

"Fresh out, how about..." Belinda paused to peek into the cabinets again. "Cake, plain pasta, or soup?"

"You want me to order pizza instead?" Emily suggested watching as Belinda pulled a box of bow tie noodles and a can of soup out of the cabinets.

"No, they don't deliver to this street." Belinda sighed at her soup can.

"I could go pick some up."

"I'm getting the feeling that you doubt my cooking skills." Emily didn't deny it. She just twiddled her thumbs and tried to wait until Belinda forgot the conversation. "Fine, doubt me, but I'll have you know my mother was Creole and I make a mean Gumbo. I unfortunately have neither the ingredients nor the time."

"What do you have?" Emily asked, standing from her chair and looking at the cabinets for herself.

"A can of soup and noodles." Belinda admitted.

"No cake or mac and cheese." Emily laughed.

"Or lobster." Belinda reminded her.

"How about we both go out and have actual food?"

"Soup is food, and besides I don't need 'actual food'."

Emily looked at her skeptically, "Then what do you need?"

"I need you to be comfortable so I have someone here when I'm almost murdered."

"Again I bring up the police option." Belinda shook her head fiercely.

"Neh-" she flexed her mouth, apparently having trouble finding the right words. "I donnnnnnn't neeeeeeeeed them."

"Whatever you think." Emily said sarcastically, realizing that she would never admit that she needed help.

"I don't." She insisted.


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69 Reviews


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Sun May 25, 2014 10:59 pm
anabelsinclair wrote a review...



Hello!
This probably won't count as a proper review -- more like an encouraging comment -- but I have to say, I love this work. The dialogue is whip smart and very tight, the characters are well defined and the dynamics between them is on point. Your protagonist has a powerful voice, and I love the mystery/suspense plot.

One suggestion though, you can italicize her internal dialogues to make it easier for the reader to change tack. Or maybe not. 'Making it easier' can sometimes be overrated.

Always a fun read, and I'm a big fan.

Thank you!




WillowCutz says...


Thanks!



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Sun May 25, 2014 2:26 pm
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Hannah wrote a review...



Back for chapter three, yo~

It would be a pixelated-" virtual, Emily translated, "impossibility


Ooh, some of these are stretching it a little bit! The earlier mention with the Latin seems a little more believable... and would seem even more if we saw Belinda learning or studying in latin at any other part of the story, and if any of the latin she uses regularly would have anything to do with the phase "my house". You know? I like this quirk, but it has the potential to make or break her -- whether I believe it or it makes her out to be like a cartoon character.

"Staples button," Belinda said confidently, clearly meaning "easy".


Oh no! Too pop culture! You're welcome to pop culture if you like, but I always try to avoid it to keep the piece timeless. Is there a reason you want to connect your story to a Staples advertisement? Is Belinda the type of person to watch TV and know this, or does it come from YOUR consciousness! Be careful~

Belinda, calm down, you'll only scare them off and then where would we be?

Better off without all their worrying.


NICE. I love this moment. I love how it's pretty much unexpected but also should have been expected since we heard Belinda contemplate herself as Melanie. This is mastery in slipping in new information right when we need it, right when we're ready to accept it, especially with Ravi mentioning the "Melinda, depending on the day" bit. Lovely~

I loved the addition of a new character and element of Belinda's life. Just be careful, with such a strong main character, that the new ones aren't just supplements to her, but actual characters in themselves! Ravi seems delightful. I can't wait for the next chapter, so I'm off~




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Sun May 25, 2014 5:15 am
Deanie wrote a review...



Hey Willow!

Happy Review Day!

I am super happy to see more of this up. I love reading your mystery stories. I remember I was finding a hard time taking to Belinda as a character, but I love her already now. I love how she doesn't remember things and needs correcting sometimes, and is just a mess of quirkiness. Emily has to get used to it. :) Ravi is such a sweet little boy, always just popping round to make sure Belinda is okay. But my question is, does he have some task to do if she isn't okay or something?

You put some nice description in there of the house and what all the rooms contained. Which is good because I like to see setting so I can picture things better. But you also described Ravi's appearance straight away afterwards, which kind of left us with a lump of description in the middle of the chapter that wasn't broken by dialogue or any narration or anything. Maybe try rearranging it a bit so there can be a break halfway through or something?

turning another left closer to Copple rd


Nitpick time! Don't you love it ;) This should be road.

Emily would have pushed her out of the car at that moment if she were not possible for her to have actually forgotten what they were talking about.


I don't really get the 'if she were not possible' bit. Maybe change it to if it wasn't possible for her to... and so on.

Even thought Belinda thinks she is Melanie, always use Belinda as her name in the narration of the story, unless the reader can get confused. At one point you used Melanie/Belinda which is perfectly fine, but at another point you just used Melanie. When I first read it I was confused, wondering if her name was about to change for the rest of the story. Ravi explains this to us when he gets there saying it just happens sometimes, but that explanation seemed a little too far off of the incident for my liking. Maybe move them closer together somehow?

You switch scenes from the car journey to the next morning. I suggest you pit asterisks in there to show the change of scene. I mean these thingies: ***

Belinda, forget the Latin and learn some proper English!


All the lines were you put Belinda first (I think you do it two other times apart from this) I thought it seemed a little out of place. I will try explaining why. It's because it sounds like neither Eli or Belinda is thinking this, which means it is the narrators thoughts. But seeing as the narrator has no voice in this story (or at least isn't meant to) it seemed awkward. So maybe put Emily thought, or Belinda thought in there, or something like that. For the other two cases you could even have Belinda mumbling it herself, so it turns into dialogue instead. Up to you of course, seeing as you are the author ;)

"Why do they always think I need a nurse."


Ooh this problem reminds me of all those reviews I did for you previously :D Don't forget it's a question, even if it is one she is saying more so to herself than anyone else.

"For what porpoise?!" Belinda yelled out, instantly regretting it.


I loved the argument that happened, and how Belinda almost forgot about it. You can see her true personality shining through <3 Just note here that it should either be a question or exclamation mark, but not both! I suggest you keep the question mark, seeing as the use of 'yelled' kind of shows it is an exclamation as well afterwards.

"Uh, lobster?" Belinda popped up from behind the counter again.


My final nitpick. I suggest you put two paragraphs in here, because the way this is written makes it seem like Belinda is saying that, when really, I think you mean Emily to instead. You do this one other time at the end dialogue here, so keep an eye out for that one as well.

Honestly though, apart from this I have nothing more to comment on. You've got the perfect mix of humor in there as well as the unfolding mystery and the building of characters. It is my pleasure to read, and I shall go on to see the next part :D

Deanie x




WillowCutz says...


I could have sworn I put *** in there, but i guess I didn't. I put them in everything new i write though so I guess this is older than I thought.




I am always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.
— Holden Caulfield