Young Writers Society

Hello there.

Here is my honest opinion. It's filled with good intentions.

Apart from being very vague and confusing, as Iggy mentioned, I found this cliche.

A broken heart is something everyone has suffered, and really, I've heard way too much about hearts splitting in half. Heartache is another thing I've heard too much about. Also the sentiment of wondering what happened that went wrong. Also love at first sight.

You need to find new ways of showing old concepts. You are sad that this person is gone (are they gone? It never says), but all you really do is say, "I am sad! Come back! What happened? I always loved you!" But you need to show us in a new way.

The thing is, we don't know why you are sad. Reasons for being sad allow the reader to be sympathetic rather than apathetic. Show us why you are sad instead of telling us about it.

I hope that this short review proves helpful to you. Have a nice day.

Hey! XD

This was great hard to read because of the formatting, and also because I quickly realised that this was going to be very depressing. Aside from that I analysed it and enjoyed it.

It is very relatable but also very cliche: "My heart splits in half every time i think about you. It aches and yearns for you, waiting for you to come back."
I don't know what inspired this work, but it's a very interesting concept.
I am a little bit confused about the ending.
I assume this means that the couple stay together?
Although your avatar would suggest otherwise. XD

Hello! Always nice to see an older member around. welcome back~

Okay, so there are some technicalities like I's not being capitalized, but since this is classified under "other", it's not necessary that you fix them. I think you should, since this isn't a poem and looks more like a short story than anything else, but whatever floats your boat.

One quick thing to fix:

I sit in this bed