Dear White Grapefruit Juice,
Oh
Look at that
I have already lied
You are nothing dear to me
Not special or profound
The only thing I found memorable
Is the sour taste in my mouth
Gosh, I really hate your taste
The stagnant juice down my throat
The way it sticks
And stings
And burns
There is nothing good about you
And the things you put me through
When Mom asks me "Do you like it?"
And I always say "Yes."
You know the story, don't you?
Mom warned me of your kind
But no, I had to be fearless
I could not decline
She said, "If you don't like it, don't blame me."
I said, "I promise I'll enjoy."
So that is why we're hovering here
With you above the sink
All it takes is one small tip
And I'll be free from you
But I can't
I will not cheat
Cheating's evil, just like you
So I won't stoop to your level
I'll keep this fake smile on my face
.
Dear White Grapefruit Juice,
I'm sorry.
I'm tired.
I can't live this lie
I said I wouldn't do it
It's not worth it
But some things,
Have to go
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137,562 Literary Works • 672,043 Reviews
So it's a mix of a poem and letter?
Anyways, I think it's neat. I have to say it was pretty long.. But I like it. The topic is a bit random, but I like it.
I agree with this poem: I do not grapefruit juice. Yuck. The only problem that occurred to me was the title: To My Freezer. To me the title didn't get mentioned or anything in the poem. I just want to if that was a purposeful thing.
Ok, so we know about the title, now more to the complimenting part. My opinion is that it is great, yes, about four an a half out of five.
Overall I'd say you did wonderful, much longer than my poems.
~ Sunset101
Thank you!
The 'To My Freeze' represents the 'address' of the white grapefruit juice
Okay, so this is totally random... and I love it.
Hi
I think my biggest issue with this is that some lines should be combined, to give the stanza a fuller and stronger feel, and also make this seem more put together. Does this make sense? It's a suggestion, so you do with it as you will, but I do think the poem would be stronger if the lines were longer and all together.
Moving along, I loved the randomness of this xD I like that you chose a random object, like white grape juice, and centered a whole poem around it. I like that this poem was written like a letter to the juice and that you used the mother and the guilt she inflicted on the narrator as the reason for them having to drink the juice. The ending was especially awesome, because the narrator finally becomes fed up with the nasty taste and quits. xD It's vague as to whether or not they dump the juice down the drain, and that leaves it up to the reader to determine, but the fact that it ends with something as poetic as "but some things have to go" is awesome.
Overall, I can't offer much criticism on this because it's so awesome and funny and meant to be more comical than serious. It was a really good poem about juice, specifically white grape, and I will never look at white grape juice the same again :O Nice work!
Hope this helps~
Thank you so much! IThis poem is actually the situation I'm currently facing at my house xD. I'm glad you liked it! I combined a few lines, but do you see any in particular that I should change?
Nope~ It's awesome xD other than what I've suggested to change. Everything else is good.
Hey Alceste! WillowPaw1 here!
I've never read a poem about juice before (maybe that's because I don't read poetry 
)
Okay—let's get this straight. This is amazing!
I really like the humor in here and your topic is one of a kind.
The one thing that bothered me a little was the punctuation. You had none in here, and it should've been. Let's take the last stanza for example.
(Punctuation in red is my edits.
Honestly, I'm not sure about the first two edits. That's what I think, but if you want it the food differently, change it to a comma.
Also, after "But some things" there should be a comma, but "Have" is capitalized.
~
I really liked this poem—it was quite humorous and worth the reading!
Hope I helped!
~ WillowPaw1
Thank you! I added those editing suggestions.