I'm blind. I was born like it. It makes me feel foolish and stupid since I don't know what colors are. People tell me they're beautiful bright things that you see on furniture and clothes. I don't get it.
I'm probably the only kid in town who is homeschooled—but that really doesn't bother me. I mean, I'm already blind. Life can't really get much worse.
My brother is always playing something called video games. He says it's fantastic and filled with color and you shoot things. That doesn't really sound fun to me; I'd rather be listening to music. My sister reads a lot. There are words on a page that you read. I don't think I'd like that, either. Also, they have plenty of school! They're always doing homework which is basically schoolwork at home. When Mother and Father homeschool me, I always get breaks. Besides, it's pretty hard to understand geometry when you're blind. Right?
The only thing I see is darkness. People call it black. Atleast, I think so. They say black is a very dark color. But they also say other colors are dark, too. I can also see brightness when I go outside on a sunny day and look up at the sun. It is a weird color, I think. I don't like it.
Mother tells me I am beautiful. I don't know about that. She says I have blonde hair. I think blonde is a color but I've never had the time to ask someone. I should though. She also says I have white eyes. Everyone says white is the opposite of black, so I am sure that white is the color I see when I look at the sun. But I can't be sure.
I wonder what other people look like. Mother says my sister has blonde hair, like me, but instead of white eyes Mother says she has blue. I wonder what blue looks like.
Mother and Father never really talk about my brother, Jason. They say he doesn't want us talking about him. Oh well.
I have friends. They are very nice to me and they help me around sometimes. They tell me stories and sometimes I don't know what they're talking about, but I don't ask. My two closest friends are Elizabeth and Anna, and they support me a lot. I like them because they never ask me about how being blind is—which many people do. It gets annoying a lot, because isn't the answer obvious? Being blind sucks.
End of chapter
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139,604 Literary Works • 672,617 Reviews
Hello!
"I'm blind. I was born like it. It makes me feel foolish and stupid since I don't know what colors are."
This is a nice start, because many people can relate to this feeling. It's like having depression. Everyone's always telling you how great the world is. It's similar.
I like the story setup, but the narrative could be a little clearer. The sentences are all similar lengths, and that makes it hard to start engaged. More details could help the reader understand more. It's clear to tell that the narrator has a negative view on their life, which helps understand their place more.
I'm not an expert on reviews, so I hope you can at least understand what I'm trying to say.
:3,
Ash
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well, this is quite an interesting concept to base a story on here...I don't think I've run into anything quite like this before on YWS before...blindness is always a sort of side thing rather than the main focus...so its interesting see something that focuses mainly on the main character being blind here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...well, this is starting off on a rather sad note here...looks like someone that's not having the greatest of time with a pretty bad disability there by the sounds of it...and well, its definitely a neat start to a first chapter here..certainly manages to get your attention as a reader there.
Well, it looks like our protagonist here has a fairly pessimistic view of life in general judging by that...well, let's see how this pans out here as the story continues.
Okay...well, not entirely sure what the tone of that paragraph was meant to reflect...I almost bit of a sense of sarcasm there as this person talks of the things their siblings enjoy doing but they can't do and dismiss them as something they wouldn't like...and then talk of how they have less schoolwork but somehow it all seems like its not really what this person means...
Alright, this is definitely creating some interesting perspectives...of course its hard for me to say what its like to be blind so I don't know if its realistic but it definitely is quite interesting to have us sort of see from the perspective of this person here...as they notice the world around them here.
These paragraphs certainly have more of an innocence to them than the previous ones. Those came off sounding a little bitter wheras this is more innocent curiosity here...judging from just the general vibes I'm getting here.
Well, that's an interesting detail, among all this curiosity we have a brother that doesn't like being described, that can't possibly be referring to anything good at least...it most definitely doesn't sound like its referring to anything good here.
Well, that seems like two good friends there...ending on a different note yet again, so I am quite curious as to exactly what tone you wanted to convey with this piece here. At any rate, this is a rather intriguing first chaper.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, a pretty solid first chapter you've got right here...it does seem like a story that I would probably read here. Anyway, that's about all I've gotta say here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hey, there! Lefty here to review!
I like this chapter a lot. You wrote about being blind very well. I like how she went into colors a lot, because it's true! They would have no idea what they are and it's something that is such a big part of life. She seems very sweet and I got a feel for her character. You're sentences flow nicely and your grammar is quite good. Keep up the good work!
-Lefty
Thanks!
Hello there! Scarlet here to review!
I did enjoy this, though it was disappointingly short. It's not worth adding more since you have 19 chapters.
I don't notice any grammar issues, there might be a few punctual but it's not that serious.
The point of view is spot on I feel as if I am the character herself, that's good!
You really did a spot on job and I will be reading more so keep watch for my review!
I agree with several below there are issues with your sentences, mostly punctual.
Otherwise it's wonderful and I'd love to read more.
Thumbs Up!
Sincerely, @ScarletDreams14; Member of Salsa Verde
Writer, Artist, Student and Reader
That is so freaky. 0.0 xD Anyways~ thanks for the review!
Hello! Boy oh boy! The topic of being blind since birth. This idea really boggles my mind! Sometimes I think about what it is to be blind: not being able to see the world. How would one picture everything to look? Blind people must have incredible imaginations! This is super impressive for someone of your age. I honestly cannot remember what I was writing at age 11, but I can tell you it probably wasn't of this caliber! I don't see any grammar errors...but maybe you just fixed them. I'm curious to see what becomes of this story. I'll be sure to give you my input throughout though. Wonderful commencement! You will no doubt bloom into an excellent writer!
Thanks! Yeah - I usually have quite a few typos and that sort, but I've got so many reviews that people have pointed out all my grammar errors soo yup. ^.^ Thank you again.
Hi, WilliowPaw1. This is your review, pinkie(or you can call me pinkie pie!)! I like to be your review today for the May Review Day! Please, excuse me as I put on my glasses. *puts on glasses* Ok, let's get it started.
Anyway, I love to read about it.
Mmm...I see that people did the grammar errors. I guess I will do my favorite thing. No, not to party! Just tell you about the story, silly!
Like the other reviewers said, you made a great opening on this chapter. I think to myself, "Ok, this is going to be interesting." As I read it, I really liked it! I enjoyed this story a lot! I also like the narrator. She is very interesting to read about her! Like Monstrocker says, the narrator's point of view of blindness is very engrossing to read about! You are talented WilliowPaw! However, you do have some grammar errors on here. Hey, people have trouble with them all the time. You will get better.
Awesome Job and keep writing!
Cheers
Your reviewer, Pinkiegirl13
P.S.: Happy May Review Day!
Thanks !!
Hey WillowPaw1! I really enjoyed this first chapter you have here. It's well written and original. I can see that you've already posted sixteen chapters of this book, which is impressive!
It was interesting to hear a story from a blind person's point of view. I never knew that if a blind person looked up in the sky they could see the slight glow of the sun. I guess that in some cases they can. The only part I didn't like about it was the last line. It's humorous and probably true, but it just doesn't seem to fit. I mean, it's alright, but it's the only thing I was objectionable towards. Otherwise, great job! This sounds like it's going to be a great book.
Thanks - Happy Review Day to you as well
This is a very interesting story you written. Even though the sentence structure is full of short/middle sentences, this chapter still caught my attention.
Grammar is spot on! Also, the portrayal of the narrator's point of view of blindness was pretty good. can't wait to read the rest.
Wow. Good wow. I really liked how you started this off with the simple sentence. My old school librarian told me (I was there every day basically) that a good book should always have a first sentence that makes you want to read the rest. The "I'm blind." I really liked that. That's why i kept reading and i'm glad i did. You probably described being blind very well. I'm guessing you did some reading before you wrote this. You also described the characters well. Except for Jason, but we know why. I really liked this and can't wait to read more of this. Great work so far!
Thank you!!
I totally agree, blind probably does suck. Just reading this chapter made me think and picture how it would be to be blind. This one chapter, I think, is totally getting somewhere.
When I started this, I'm like is this a girl or boy? then boom, at the end it said
So then I figure its gotta be a girl! After reading this I felt soooo sad. How does she stand it?
I like how you explain her appearance, she didn't exactly know, but her Mom is describing her. I think this topic is new and unique, I've never read any book about a blind girl boy. You didn't rush through, you really described and put a starting in this story.
Since I'm a bit late reading this, I'm going to read hopefully all the rest of the chapters. They're so good!!!!!
Off to read more,
Sunset101
Sorry I didn't mean to put a quote on 'or'.
Its okay
that poor kid
Interesting story. The only thing I would change, would be "I was born like it." Maybe the best way to flow and make sense is, "I was born like this." The subject is a good one! Keep it up!
Thanks
RoyalHighness has arrived to review!
This is great stuff! Good job, Willow (can I call you Willow? I love that).
I'm writing something about blindness myself, and I actually asked my mom about blind people and colors just yesterday. This really helps me get more ideas of what it's like, so thank you for writing this!
There is exactly one run-on sentence, and that is:
"That doesn't really sound fun to me, I'd rather be listening to music."
The rules say you can't have a comma there. It has to be either a semicolon (;), a conjunction (for, but, etc.), or two different sentences. Take your pick!
There is a sentence that starts with a conjunction, as well, but I think Gaura told you already.
I think Iggy already said something about using her senses, so I'll leave that comment out.
This is very nice! I understand you're pretty new? Welcome to YWS! You will /love/ it here— I know I do!
If you need anything (reviews, a gift, some points, anything), feel free to ask me!
Overall, I give this four stars of five, because I know for a fact I never wrote anything this good when I was 11. Great job!
Thank you so much!
And I'll fix that right now as well.
This made my day!
Hey WillowPaw1! GauravKundu32 here to review your work, so what are we waiting for lets us start...
First of all I'd like to say that you've done a great job here. I will divide this chapter into two parts, first is grammar and second is plot.
1.) First of all, I think you've a pretty good job in this part. I could not find any grammatical mistake except one.
Here as we see, You have started the sentence with "BUT" which is conjunction and as the rule says it should not be used at the beginning of the sentence. It can be used like a bridge between two sentences. Beside this thing, I could not find any other mistake and which clearly indicates that you're very good at grammar. Now we should move towards the plot...
2.) When I read your story I felt a bit sad about those people who can't see this World as it is.
Your story is very intriguing and heart touching as well. Again I would say you've done a great job here. The flow of the story is very good and smooth. Hats off to you !!
I wish you All The Best for your writings in future,
Keep Writing and Be the Best
gauravkundu32
Thank you so much! I'll fix that right away!!
It could use a bit less sentences, like adding commas instead of periods. But overal, I personally think its great! I also really like how you describe what she is feeling. GREAT job so far!!
Thanks
very good your description is very good but can use work, you have very good grammer unlike me lol. so good job
Haha thanks it all takes practice
Hello!
So this is a nice intro so far c: I've no nitpicks that weren't already covered, so I'll jump into the nitpicks and such of the story itself.
First off, I like what you have so far on how she feels to be blind, but I feel like you could do better to show us what it's truly like. Chances are, you probably don't know what it's like to be blind either, but what you do know can be applied here. She can't see, obviously. Okay, I got that. How about what she feels, or hears, or smells? She has four other senses; describe how she uses them. Do they strengthen because of her disability? Or are they the same as always? How does she use them to her advantage? These are things I'd like to see improved.
But other than that, this is off to a good start. You do well with describing her siblings and how they try to describe things to her and how she doesn't get it. You're doing well with portraying her as the blind girl she is while making it accurate, so I'm liking that, and I look forward to seeing what the next chapters look like.
(I also suggest a new novel title because Blind isn't very interesting and it gives everything away...)
Thank you for your review! I wrote chapters 2 and 3 already%u2014more of her other senses are included in those.
Blind was the first thing that came to my mind, but if I do think of anything more interesting I'll use it!
Hi there!
What a great introduction to your story! Well, it's Chapter 1 really, but it makes for a great introduction. You've given us a setting, characters, and a problem. Those are three important things to have in a novel. Another important thing is imagery. But seeing as you're writing this in first person POV and your main character is blind, you might struggle with that from time to time. I say keep doing what you're doing, having your main character explain the world through other people's eyes. Like how she says all these people explain colors to her and her mother tells her she's beautiful. I like that. It's a very unique way to described everything.
Just a little nitpick here. This sentence is in past tense while the rest of the chapter is in present tense. Make sure that you keep the tense consistent. Although since this is the only time I saw the tenses switch, I think it was just a slip up. This may be a better way to write this sentence: "Mother always tells me that I am beautiful". Written that way, you cover almost all time. Her mother could have said this everyday since she was born and still continues to tell her today. Do you see how that works?
There isn't much else I really have to say. I guess I'll leave you with this: keep writing this story! I can see this getting a bit frustrating to write later on because your main character is blind. I don't think I'd be able to write a story from a blind person's point of view. Kudos to you for doing that! Just don't give up on it. Find another way to describe something rather than through sight. Just remember, you have three other senses (maybe more) to work with here. Utilize your main character's sense of smell; her sense of taste; her sense of touch. There is so many different ways you can go with this. I'm excited to see where this story goes!
Please post on my wall when you post the next chapter! I'd love to read and review it!
Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Thank you, this review was amazing!
There is also sense of hearing, too.
And actually, I just posted the next chapter. Hope you like it! And thanks again!
Hi this is Em101cats!
.
This review is mostly positive, just saying.
I loved the way you set this out - explaining things one by one and not rushing it through. You had great grammar too. These both mean a lot to story writing, so I can tell you know what you're doing.
I realized this is quite short but that doesn't matter at all.
One of the only things I do not like is how you never explain what happened to the girl that made her blind. Maybe this is just the act of suspense. I don't know. Please let me know if you planned to put that later in the series or not, and please be honest
Also, do you mention the girl's name? I don't recall seeing it. If I read incorrectly, blame me then, that's okay.
Overall, I give this 4 starts out of 5 because of the leaving out what happened to the girl and what her name was.
Great job however, do more of this series! I loved it! Keep your good writing skills in shape and make more soon please!
Sorry, I mean stars, not starts. I was typing fast and made a typo. Sorry!
Its okay!
And thanks so much , this was an amazing review. I mentioned that she was born blind, but I'll explain that more later. And yes... I'll mention her name in the next chapter!
<3 Thanks a lot!
Hi. Could a recommend you a book?
Sure
Recommend me a book or WillowPaw1 a book?