Young Writers Society

Hey there! GreenLight24 here to give you a review in this magnificent March review day!

First of all, this poem was super cool. I always love reading the short poems on this site because they always seem to have the most profound messages. I'm not sure exactly why that may be, but it's true nonetheless. Even in such a short poems, you were able to portray a wide range of emotions.

Part of what's so cool about short poems and really just poetry in general is that it lends itself very well to a wide range of interpretations. What I interpreted this poem to mean was that someone is in a relationship with someone else who doesn't necessarily value their relationship as much as they should. This is an imbalanced relationship is what it sounds like. The whole idea of the narrator being told to come up to meet their significant other in the clouds and then realizing that someone else has already come for them was reminiscent of a relationship where one partner has been unfaithful. The fact that the narrator just returns home through the snowstorm represents the tragedy that is their love for the other person. Even though their significant other has spurned their attempts to meet them in the clouds (not literally of course :3) they don't end up getting angry or fighting back. Rather, the narrator just accepts it for what it is and returns home to wait for the next time the other person calls on them. Maybe in reading into it too much, but if I am, that's a testament to your poetic talents. Great job here. I can't find much to criticize.

Happy review day and always keep writing!

Very enticing title! This poem reminds of the Artic Monkeys song 'why do you only call me when your high' because it seems to follow a similar story. I don't really like the idea of snowstorms at the end though, and I understand how it is a similar thing to clouds, but it could be something different which is directly in contrast or associated with clouds- like rain, or hail.

Hey Velvetmuse, Strange here and I have a quick review for you!
The only problem I found with this is the lack of transitions. It makes it very choppy and not that smooth. It feels like running down the steps, or that is what the main character did.
I really loved the idea and the poem overall. It really shows separation from a colleague and/or friend. How you are there for someone, yet they don't accept that. This was a new way showing that. The general theme and moral are retreaded a lot in poems, but this was different from the norm, and that I liked.
Another thing is that the title reminds of "Do you even lift?" I thought that was kind of funny.
Overall, great effort for a good product
Strange gives you...
8.9/10
Great job
Keep writing
Stay groovy, my amigo

CLASSIC EXAMPLE: LOOK, THEN LEAP

I do not review poetry. No, that's not true. I do not review poetry very well. Yeah, that sounds better. Never the less, this poem is very much like riding on a bus in the rain, looking out the window while someone gets splashed on only to say ",yeah, that happened to me."

And what's weird about that is that I Don't Even Smoke.

THE HOOK

You don't have to even know friends who smoke/drink/get smashed-out-of-their-tiny-little-minds to have experienced the three a.m. phone call.

Typically that call wakes you right before REM sleep; before countless possibilities and surreal experiences unfold into you in the safety of your own bed. Unfortunately, when you get that call, your brain can't quiet distinguish reality from dream in a timely manner to stop you from accomplishing something stupid... wonderful maybe, but mostly stupid.

THE STORY

Yes, its a poem, not a story. Poem's still tell stories. This one's a classic tragedy; a tragedy on two fronts really. First of all, in a classic tragedy no one gets what they want. Second, when weed is involved, there should be humor; but there's not.
So when there's weed, and STILL no one is having any fun, it makes for a sad night/early morning.

In the hook there is a sense that something could be different, there is an opportunity that could be grasped.
At any moment, that opportunity could be gone like a waking dream. So, like any nearly contentious human, you bolt out the door to gram that... whatever it is you think you'll get.

Tragically, despite the speed, and hopefulness in which one runs with, inevitably they wake to the cold snowy reality that some things are not necessarily high above us, but still out of reach.

THE GIST

If someone calls you at three A.M., it's still the same ass-hole that would have called any other time of the day: set phone to vibrate.
Do not answer phone.

THE CRITIQUE

It's simple, it's short, and it is tragically true for any of us who attempted to chase after something they shouldn't have.

Personally, I would have liked to see a before and after scene in this poem. Why was this guy worth running to in the first place? Will he/she get a swift kick in the face the next morning?
But expanding this piece is not necessary.

What this author has done, is accomplish an ice breaker; has this ever happened to you?

THE END

This poem was enjoyable in the cathartic, aching, all to close to home sense.

I hope this author sticks to their long ago posted wall comment 'cause "if you have to write, you sure has hell better write like your soul depends on it."

Hi there! ^^

Okay, first thing I noticed is this poem lacks transitions. As in, words are missing to connect one line to the next. This disrupts the flow, so I suggest you find a way to fix it. An example:

But you found someone else to meet you there,
I walked home through the snow storm.