There’s something very wrong
in this world.
I can’t quite put my
mind to it.
Oh, yeah,
the Teenage Revolution.
We’re supposed to be growing
up, right?
But we’re kind of in the middle
of an awkward stage.
Treat us like kids, expect us to
act like adults.
Treat us like adults, expect us to
mess up, like kids.
Maturity is so confusing, and so
wisdom-oriented.
The mind’s advancement allegedly consists
of utilizing extensive diction.
Emotions must be put aside. Let
suppression ring!
Evolving into adulthood means civilization.
Elbows off the table!
You’ve gone past the limit, stick to
one thing!
But it doesn’t have to
be that way.
As teenagers, we can follow some of the rules,
but not all.
We can show our common courtesies,
and then ignore them.
Swallow our tears, conceal anxieties,
and burst out laughing.
Write English papers with an icy tone,
or in complete slang.
Respond to drama with logic,
or a river of tears.
But when you start feeling so highly sophisticated,
try the swing set again.
Play with Barbies, drink apple juice,
eat chicken nuggets.
After all, what’s the point
of growing up
When you can’t be a little
childish sometimes?
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139,295 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
I enjoyed reading this poem! I suggest that you not cut some of your sentences short and not put them on the next line. Like the first line when you say "There is something very wrong in this world". You should just put that all on one line. And the line after that "I can't quite put my mind to it". And just add a third line. The second line should also be reworded differently but I understand what you are saying. This is just a suggestion.
Hey there! Purple here to give you a review! HAPPY REVIEW DAY!!! Let's get down to business.
I absolutely LOVE this! Growing up is hard sometimes especially at confusing points in your life when you have to take a bunch of tests and decide on your future while still having to ask permission to go to the bathroom. Adults usually talk trash about teenagers, that we're just hormonal and rebellious and irresponsible. But, they forget that they used to be teens too. Some people never grow up and get out of THAT mindset. I like everything you've done with this except one line
" I can’t quite put my
mind to it."
This just stopped me in my tracks because I think instead of "to" you meant "on". Either that or the phrase is actually I can't put my finger on it or something like that. Just change the wording on this and you'll be good to go! Have a nice day!
~Purple
Messenger here to review for you! Happy Review Day! Oh and I don't do a lot of poetry reviewing so I may not be a whole lot of help. If so, sorry. But here we go anyway.
So to be honest I really wasn't sure where you were going with this for a while. It as kind of flip-flopping and I was trying to discern your meaning. At first I thought you were saying that teens should just be plain rebellious, but then I got to the end. XDD We'll talk about that in a minute.
But first . . .I like you style. You don't rhyme but you have really good flow, and also I saw no grammar or punctuation errors so kudos to you there! You have a nice mixture of line length as well so this doesn't go into a monotone feeling, but it also doesn't go extremely long and get boring. So I came to the last stanza . . .
. . . and I died, died, laughing!!! This was a hilarious ending to your poem. I don't know what it is about apple juice but yeah I guess it marks you as a little kid Anyway go chicken nuggets! I like the ending. It really concluded your thoughts and had a lot of humor in it. This is a poem that I think will be found popular!
Hope thighs helps!
~Messenger
Brilliant! I love every line! Especially the line when you say "treat us like kids, expect us to act like adults" most adults in general do that to kids and it is interesting to see how it plays out! I loved the poem and the way you portrayed the teenage thought process. Very, very interesting! I can't help but ask what was your grade? From me, you would have gotten an A++
Happy review day!
-cherry
This is, well, it's brilliant. It's well written structurally so it flows, but most importantly it's honest. It starts off beautifully with that first line "There's something very wrong in this world." And then the rest just falls into place.
It makes you think, like all good writing should, but more importantly it makes you feel. Because we've all had those moments of being treated like children, but expected to be adults. We've all felt pushed into growing up a little too soon. We've all wanted more freedom to be the person we want to be. And we've all pretended to be someone we're not.
You've taken an issue that most people don't notice or think of as an issue and you've written an amazingly real idea of what's happening.
Lines like "Swallow our tears, conceal anxieties and burst out laughing." affected me on a personal level. I've spent a lot of time wearing a mask of who I should be. And those were the worst years of my life.
This is a beautiful piece of work and I wish more people were brave enough to write as honestly as you. Keep writing.
I like what you've done with this poem and especially your use of a ''matter-of-fact'' voice. It helps convey a level of truthfulness to your poem which is needed to allow for the legitimacy of your poem. I do enjoy also the simplicity of the message given the fact that you've have managed to summarise a common occurrence in today's world into few lines.
The mind’s advancement allegedly consists
of utilizing extensive diction.
Emotions must be put aside. Let
suppression ring! (I found this particular verse very interesting)
Also, the voice of the poem gives a proverbial atmosphere to the poem, thereby letting the words ring in readers' minds long after reading the poem. This is good...
Overall, I found it amusing and almost daring.
Tend your flame...
I like what you've done with this poem and especially your use of a ''matter-of-fact'' voice. It helps convey a level of truthfulness to your poem which is needed to allow for the legitimacy of your poem. I do enjoy also the simplicity of the message given the fact that you've have managed to summarise a common occurrence in today's world into few lines.
The mind’s advancement allegedly consists
of utilizing extensive diction.
Emotions must be put aside. Let
suppression ring! (I found this particular verse very interesting)
Also, the voice of the poem gives a proverbial atmosphere to the poem, thereby letting the words ring in readers' minds long after reading the poem. This is good...
Overall, I found it amusing and almost daring.
Tend your flame...