Young Writers Society

Messenger here for you on an exciting Review Day!

So I am guessing the crazy line break-ups and choppy lines are a mistake. IF the aren't you need to fix them instantly, and if they aren't I guess you still need to but. . . anyway yeah.
I do like the creativity of the poem. It is something I've struggled with.Titles can be hard, especially if you don't want to give away a big portion of the book so I understand where you got the idea.

I really don't have a whole lot else to say. It's hard to judge it on grammar or technical stuff like flow and rhythm because of the disastrous line break-ups, but I don't think it needs much help besides that. The grammar looks okay from what I could decipher. The main thing I liked was that I could relate to the poem. That's key for me!

~Messenger

Happy Review Day!

Love this poem, it's really nice! Kind of sounds like it's go under the lyrical category. I like this poem because it flows very nicely. The words are placed nicely also. Punctuation at the end of the poem would be nice I think. There is no period, is it over or does it never end? All in all lovely poem! Keep writing because you're wonderful!

~Sarai

Hey there! Here to review as requested.

First of all, I enjoyed the concept of this poem. The writing in and of itself was pretty decent as well. And by that I mean that there was really nothing wrong with it. On the other hand, it wasn't a poem that reached out and pinned me where I was and made me go, "whoa," but my standards are pretty high, so I wouldn't take it to heart

ANYWAY.

One thing that I didn't like about it were the awkward line breaks. I'm assuming that that was intentional, and that you'd wanted to use it as a way to reinforce the vague confusion-fight for control-undefinability air, but. It kind of messed with the flow, I guess? And if you want a choppy poem, you can definitely have a choppy poem, but you have to play around with it a lot and be really careful about how you break it up. You want your reader to stay interested, and the way the lines are broken up distracted me more than anything.

Also:

but it is not yours, you
don’t
define it
you aren’t even necessary

I love the typography. It's very jumpy and really gives you the "undefined" feeling that comes across through this piece. I also like how you have such a powerful, yet simple use of word choice. This is very calming to read, and I enjoyed it a lot! Good job!