(A/N: My winning submission in this years Writing Olympics event: The Library of Imaginary Things. Thought I would post it before it got lost. Enjoy!)
A Guide to Making A Seriously Powerful Voodoo Doll
(Too dark? Not ready for this fancy magic that’s on another level? Please revert to the previous article; A Guide To Making A Bog Standard Voodoo Doll for Losers. Pg. 8)
What You Will Need To Forage:
* 1 full moon
* 1 Barbie doll, circa. 1992 (note: Sindy will NOT suffice)
* 1 large non-stick cauldron
* 1 empty flour sack
* A handful of straw/hay
* 1lb (453g) of black cat fat
* 1 eye of newt (note: Essential for every witchy potion)
* 500ml of raven’s blood (note: make sure you know the difference between a raven, blackbird and crow)
* A lock of hair from the person you are voodoo-ing (note: must be from the head)
* 1 reel of thread in the colour of your choice
* 6 extra large pins with blood-red heads
* 2 small, black buttons
* 1 ritual hymn
* 1 fire extinguisher (note: Essential for every witchy potion)
Method:
First, you must look outside your window and check that it is, indeed, a full moon.
(note: If you have your dates mixed up, please turn to Pg. 17: Spells to Fill Your Time.)
Remove any flammable garments and heat up water in your large non-stick cauldron over a hearty fire. (note: Keep extinguisher nearby)
Thirdly, you need to lay out your Barbie doll, circa. 1992, on top of your empty flour sack. This will provide an accurate template of the human form.
Draw around your barbie doll, circa. 1992, twice on your empty flour sack and then proceed to cut out your outlines.
Take your thread (colour of your choice) and sew up your two outlines together, leaving an opening down one side of your doll.
(note: If you have finished this instruction without reading the second part of it, proceed back to the top. No, you don’t need to look out of your window again.)
Stuff your doll jam-packed with straw/hay and sew the opening up.
Add the black buttons for eyes (note: it would look super weird without them)
Your Voodoo doll should now start to resemble a gingerbread man and your large non-stick cauldron should now be bubbling along nicely.
Add the 1lb (453g) of black cat fat, 1 eye of newt, 500ml of raven’s blood and finishing with the hair of the person you are voodoo-ing.
(note: Do NOT accidently lose some of your own hair over the cauldron. Things will get tricky.)
Drop that voodoo doll right in the mixture! (note: A fully submerged doll proves to be the most effective in pain and torture. If this doll is for an older sibling, only a quick dip and swim is recommended!)
Hang your voodoo doll to dry whilst singing a ritual hymn (note: See Pg. 46: Lyrics)
Once you are happy with your Seriously Powerful Voodoo Doll, use your evil blood-red pins to cause mischief and mayhem! (note: Take care of own fingers)
Get rid of all evidence. Including the barbie doll, circa 1992.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hiya! Reviewing time!
Interesting topic and I'd actually like to find out if it works or not! Now who could I use it on *glances around* YOU *points to random person* Don't run away! Oh well.... anyway, this is a great format for a how to guide and you had magnificent spelling, grammar and punctuation. this is about a 99 out of 100 sorry, just creepiness factor takes away from points unless its a horror story or film. Anyway, thanks for a guide on that, now I know what I'm doing for April fools on my poor poor sisters. This helps people who want to get back at people but aren't good at pranks that take a lot of planning and work! Thanks again, love it ^.^. I specialize in that in my free time so I totes approve of it. Enjoy your witchcraft!
~PonyzandPokez
Hi Olive! <3
So I'm not entirely sure how I can critique it, since a) I can't actually try out this recipe and see if it works and b) there was nothing wrong with it! Grammar was a-okay, so we don't have to nitpick that. The recipe was simple, easy to follow, and easy to understand.
I think you did a great job with making this humorous! Maybe your overall goal was to be serious, since maybe you're secretly a witch, but either way I still found this to be a joy to read. It made me laugh, especially all of those silly notes added on. I especially like how you referred to other pages and made this feel like another page in a book full of witchy stuff. I totally want to get this book now.
Overall, this was really good! No wonder you won. It was funny, read just like an actual recipe. and was a pleasure to read. Nice work. ^^
Hmmmm. Very interesting. I'm not sure whether to take this as a serious piece or as humorous.
I loved the notes though, those made me laugh. This is very well written and I don't really have any nit-picky things about it. Your grammar and spelling is on point and I couldn't really find any mistakes so you're good there. 
Keep writing, I'm interested to see what else you can do and the different styles you use. Guess I'll just have to stick around and see.
mckenya25
I've been looking for something like this. I'll get right on it! Thanks! ;D
Nice! I like the personification the "note" voice developed over time.
Thanking you! <3
You need my bl-bl-blood?! Help!
Mwahahahaaaa! Come here birdy!
Fly, fly away!