Young Writers Society

Hi there!

So first off, I would so love to see this as an actual novel. Have you considered expanding this wonderful plot bunny? And if not, may I steal this? >_>

Anyways, onto le review~

I gotta congratulate you on the rhyme scheme. You didn't make this feel awkward or odd once, and you earn bonus points for the fact that this was a lengthy poem! I totally love that, since a forced rhyme scheme can sometimes make the flow choppy because lines clash and make little to no sense and etc. but no, you actually did really well with this, which did surprise me. Awesome!

If I had to recommend one thing, it would be to combine some lines or expand on some lines, especially the repetition. Some of them end awkwardly and could use a word or three tagged on at the end to give it that whole "complete sentence" feel and not a fragment feel. Get me?

Overall, this was really good. One of your strongest factors was the repetition. It added to your benefit by actually working for the poem, not hindering it. The flow was good, the message was delivered in a beautifully detailed way, and this was overall a pleasure to read. Thank you for sharing and happy Review Day. ^^

Do you know, I actually could see this being like a foreward to a fantasy series. Like it would be a prophecy that the main character finds out about later in the first book or whatever.

I'm sorry this isn't a review because I have nothing in particular to say, but I wanted to say the above, anyway. Just an idea.

Blue

Hi, Tulip here to give you a review on this "strange' piece of writing.

I think I got about halfway or even before halfway done before I stopped reading. The bold was distracting..the poem itself lost the attraction it has at the beginning. I mean the one real reason I clicked on it's link was well because I figured it be something amazing and attention grabbing but then I found something that was interesting, but it wasn't enough to keep my attention.

Though it doesn't keep my attention, do not feel terrible at your skills as at the point in time that you wrote this, that you have ever been a bad writer. I lost focus on genres and different types of writings. this just happened to be something I didn't like.


You are an amazing writer, and just remember that not everyone is going to like what you write.

Your Writing it very unique. You keep doing what your doing because that's good. I feel as if repeating a line over and over again not only allows the reader to focus on it, but it gives it a sense of stress if you know what I mean. Good job. Well done. Wow, I can't believe your writing. I wish Mine was as amazing as yours. Speaking of mine, you should check it out.