Young Writers Society

This doesn't look like an article/essay to me.

Dewdrops splash onto the window separating drop from drop.

Your beginning sentence. This is a good start but it lacks the impact it requires to draw in the reader. For instance, imagery. You tried, but it doesn't make sense. Where did the dewdrops come from? A tree? The roof? I also can't wrap my head around drops separating, unless you mean that, as a drop slides down the window, it splits into two drops, and then four, and so on and so forth.

It's up to you but I suggest you try to improve this beginning sentence.

The wind from the rain – storm – to – come

I can see that you're trying to be poetic here, but the dashes here are distracting and odd. Why? Because they cause the reader to take unnecessary pauses, therefore breaking off at awkward spots and ruining the impact you were trying to create.

when Kiwi runs up eyes falling out of her sockets.

This, too, doesn't deliver the impact you wanted it to. It's a weird way to describe her excitement, by saying that her eyes are falling out of her sockets. Maybe still with a more common term to understand, like "her eyes were as big as saucers"?

Then I began to run around the in the water I loved.

Cut out the indicated word.

I played unlit dawn; running around on the big patches of grass and staring in to the musty sky before going back inside.

Not only did you misspell until but you also incorrectly used a semicolon. I suggest you change it to a comma, since you stay on the same train of thought.

The liquid only misted now.

Another weird and oddly-worded sentence. Revise it.


One of your biggest mistakes was punctuation. A lot of commas are missing where they are needed, making the sentence rushed and sloppy. An example:

Dewdrops splash onto the window separating drop from drop.

There should be a comma after "window."

I suggest you go through and try to find all of the sentences that are missing a comma, then fix it.


On the plot itself, it was, for the most part, clear. I gather the overall message of this is that rain helps the narrator focus on his/her writing? Either way, this was a unique thing to share, and I'm a bit upset that it is so short.

You used nice descriptive words for the rain and the scenery and how it helps the narrator write. The scenes you described were beautiful and simple; the flow was clean and constant and on track. This was overall an easy story to understand and relate to, so thank you for sharing.

Hello QuietQuilla! Alex here to review your work!
I really loved this piece! I loved the way how you enjoy and respect things that most people would ignore, hate or despise. Although I can't share your love for rain I can kind of relate as I love the wind! You used some very creative imagery and metaphors in it. Two for example are:

As I look up beyond the glass, I see thick summer clouds, gray with sadness.

After going back inside I stared at the sky again. The liquid only misted now. It was gray with a tint of orange. I want it to rain again.

I also love how you ended it with simply "I smiled". It really ties the piece up very well and leaves a good lasting impression!
I couldn't find much wrong with this! I was a little bit confused of:

The wind from the rain – storm – to – come

I think you only need the first dash there not that many!

Overall I loved your angle and your topic to write about! See ya!