z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

Chapter 1: Zombie Hunting

by ForeverWarrior


The last zombie falls, and I walk over. I reach down and search through the pockets. I pull out a small locket and open it. I see a woman, who must be the zombie I am looking at now, a man (late husband), and a young girl. I stick it into my bag, just as I hear a familiar-and dreaded-voice.

"Selene! You gonna search every pocket?!" Dajen Deacon yells behind me. I slowly stand up and turn around.

"There's only 5 Dajen, it's called math. Maybe you should try it sometime!" I shout at him.

Dajen (D.J.) Deacon is the first lieutenant in the Zombie Apocalypse Corps. Supposedly, my superior, even though it's pretty clear who runs this considering I usually call orders. I owe the people's trust to my father, Dajen's predecessor. Apparently, I resemble him closely. I tell you more about my father later on if I'm not dead or I have time. Or maybe you'll figure it out.

Either way, Dajen Deacon is a one-eyed (born that way), blue-eyed creep who I do not like.

At all.

Everyone begins to go towards the Jeep that will take us back to the Zombie Apocalypse Corps' headquarters. I quickly turn and fire a shot into the air. If I was sane, normal, and submissive, I would let my superior do this. It's required to let people know the scene's clear and we're leaving. If you haven't figured this out yet, I am not sane, normal, and definitely not submissive. But don't worry, I am not a psychopath, just a sociopath. There's a difference.

It's August, but unseasonably cold. My jacket barely keeps me warm. It's leather too. Half the leaves have already fallen, but some still cling to life and refuse to die. I'm glad. We lose cover if there aren't any leaves.

Dajen shoots daggers at me with his look. I march past him, and he shoves me. I stop, and hear his small laugh. Everyone else is in the Jeep.

It infuriates me.

I turn around and look at him. "You know, you're really going to regret that," I mutter.

"How?"

"This," I say. I slam my fist into his jaw. He careens backwards, and I hear laughter as I turn around, and walk back to the Jeep. I climb in, close the door, and tell the driver, Thomas, to leave.

"Ma'am, you're leaving-"

"I know. Go."

He begins to roll away, and I see Dajen start running after the Jeep. The teenagers in the van begin laughing hysterically at Dajen's abandonment. Mostly because he stole half of the boys' girlfriends and, as for the others, their girlfriends left them for him. Clearly, they have no problem leaving him in a barren wasteland.

I slide into the side, where Dajen usually sits but I get the pleasure.

I smile the entire way back to headquarters.

"Why?" Thomas asks me.

"He needed a workout," I say.

Thomas, who's my age, high-fives me as I put my feet on the dashboard.


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301 Reviews


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Sun Mar 30, 2014 11:24 pm
Snowery wrote a review...



Hey Forever!! :) Silver here to review you chapter for the scarlet swords!!

Ok so I really like this story at the moment. It held my interest all the way and your characters seem well developed. Your wording and sentence structures are good and so is most of your grammar and spelling. You also have pretty good descriptive abilities.

Main Points

I tell you more about my father later on if I'm not dead or I have time.


This should look like: I'll tell you more about my father later on, if I'm not dead or I have time.

At all


This is my personal opinion but I feel that not having this in italics would lend it more strength and power.

It's August, but unseasonably cold.


So where are we? Somewhere in the northern hemisphere thanks to this quote but apart from that I'm in the dark. It would be good to have a little more indication on the setting and surroundings.

I really enjoyed this and look forward to seeing more from you!! :) Keep it up and happy writing!! :D

Silverlock






Thanks. Currently, I am having an English teacher review a new version that has more details. Thank you for the grammar correction I totally missed that!



Silverlock says...


No worries! :)



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Mon Mar 24, 2014 7:25 pm
tonytwo wrote a review...



This story could have some potential. But i think you rushed it. There was not enough detail like, Where where they, why where they there, how did they kill the zombie. Stuff like that.


In the line that said,

Dajen (D.J.) Deacon is the first lieutenant in the Zombie Apocalypse Corps.

I dont understand, there is a division of the military especially for fighting zombies? I think that IF they still had a military that most factions would have been grouped and there would be no other division needed except for one fighting zombies.

Another thing, in the lines that said,

"This," I say. I slam my fist into his jaw. He careens backwards, and I hear laughter as I turn around, and walk back to the Jeep. I climb in, close the door, and tell the driver, Thomas, to leave.

It shows that whatever military they have is a flimsy stick compared to the spear of a well maintained military force. I don't believe that people would leave others in the middle of a zombie wasteland just because they did not agree with what they said.

My finally thoughts, you rushed into all of this real fast, left out many details, and had a faulty plot. So my suggestions are, sit down, watch a few episodes of The Walking Dead, and learn from it. Use it as an example of your kind of zombie apocalypse.




CuriosityCat says...


The whole government IS the Z.A.C., as of the Undead Apocalypse. Everything crumbled, and that's all that's left. It is NOT just for fighting them, it is also the entire North American resistance and sanctuary. And yes, the abandonment in a zombie wasteland thing is kind of surreal, but she won't listen to me about that. : /





That whole part was supposed to show she deeply dislikes him but for unknown reasons, which are revealed later in the book. I also don't want this to be a horror book, and I don't watch the Walking Dead for personal reasons.





Curiosity Cat, I love your picture!



CuriosityCat says...


Thanks, but uh, YELLO?! You DO realize I bought a Darth Vader tee with you at the mall last weekend, right?





B?!?!?!?!? YOU'RE CURIOSITY CAT?????



tonytwo says...


plot twist



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Sat Mar 22, 2014 12:25 am
lace182 wrote a review...



I like your writing and I like that this isn't going to be a story about humans hanging on the edge as zombies take over, at least not a first. I mean, how often have the slow moving, groaning, stupid zombies gotten the upper hand? I never have understood that. By starting it like this I'm at least interested to see who does what.

I have to admit some confusion as to the the type of crew you have. On the one hand it seems very military and organized, which would seem reasonable if the humans were winning. Our military should be intact as it seems to be here even though there is a new Corps for zombie fighting.

Dajen (D.J.) Deacon is the first lieutenant in the Zombie Apocalypse Corps. Supposedly, my superior,


If humans were losing then we would probably be relying on militia, or in other words, people with guns and ammo. That isn't the case. Given that, I'm confused by the relationships. If D.J. is such a poor superior that he can be treated this badly and snickered at then I need some explanation. I don't believe Selene, the child of a military man, would be so well regarded just for being someone's child unless they had proven they were worth the high regard.

On the other hand, maybe D.J. is such a jerk he did the first prank.
I stop, and hear his small laugh. Everyone else is in the Jeep.


Ok, I get that, but didn't all the rest of the crew go along with it? Would they do that and still go along with pranking D.J. too? I can imagine some scenarios where they would do this but I want to see that in the story, some sort of explanation.

You write well. You have a good command of dialog and characters but you do hurry through the telling. I understand that. I do it too. I have a suggestion to make your writing even better. Picture your scenes and paint them for the reader, not only the place and the weather but pertinent smells and sounds along with all the people there, the things they are doing and why they are doing them unless the why is supposed to be a mystery of course, and give enough insight into the relationships that we feel like we know the soldiers or at least their motives.

This is a great start. I'm looking forward to more. Thanks for the submission.






Thanks. I do understand that with the whole militia thing. I truthfully have no idead how military rankings go, and I'll look into it. I'll also add an explanation for that. :)



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Thu Mar 20, 2014 7:01 am
IamTraunt says...



Wow! This is brilliant!
You jump right in there with: "The last zombie falls"
Instead of racing into some horrific bloodbath, you start with describing the characters. I especially love the part: "He needed a workout," I say.
Well done! Keep on writing!






Thank you!




Books give a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and life to everything
— Plato