Young Writers Society

I really enjoyed reading this piece. it made me aware of how peaceful the world really is before the sun rises and the people wake. You have made such a simple piece stand out to me. The use of the words you chose helped the message become clear. I can relate to what this is saying because i have so many times wished to return to night, where the world is silent for a moment. The worries, anxieties, and the fears seem to subside for just a few short hours until the sun rises allowing all of that to be re instilled into our minds. Thanks for writing a great poem!

Flame here, as promised! Apologies in advance for any strangely-phrased phrasings. My Wednesday agenda's gotten a bit larger than expected.

Your name keeps popping up in the Spotlight, so suffice to say, I'm intimidated. I don't feel like I deserve to critique this. Somehow you've snared my dread for sunrise, and my attention along with it, and translated it into a seamlessly-flowing poem. The imagery's simple but complex...if that makes any sense. Just strong enough to paint a picture, just subtle enough to drag emotion from the reader's heart. I also appreciate that there's no rhyme scheme. Night's naturally enigmatic, accompanied by such potent darkness. And then there's the sun, stitching threads of time together, orderly and organized. My favorite lines:

When the sun rises, the dew will be
burnt away into the air and lost in our lungs,

That kind of darkness, one could hide in
so I do, cloaking myself in it, I step gingerly

I love the day best when it is still
in the darkness of the early morning

in the darkness of the early morning
when although the dark is absent

That kind of darkness, one could hide in
so I do, cloaking myself in it, I step gingerly

That kind of darkness one could hide in.
So I do; cloaking myself in it, I step gingerly

I simply enjoy it for now.

I love this! There have been many times where I wish the quiet, twilight hours before morning could persist forever, and you've captured that sensation beautifully with your poem. I love your imagery and the way you capture the feeling of excitement and joy. The only suggestion I've got for you is really very tiny. In your final stanza there is a line that says "burnt away into our air and lost in our lungs," that just seems a little odd to me. I would simply change the first "our" to "the" to avoid this, so it reads "burnt away into the air and lost in our lungs." This takes away the repetitive factor and I also think it flows more naturally. Wonderful poem!

Hello, dear. Thomas here for a review!

I really loved your imagery throughout this piece. You really gave the dark feeling to this poem that it needed, but the darkness felt bright in a way - if that makes any sense - and that's what I really liked about it. It was so optimistic about such a dark time.

I really loved these two lines.
"When the sun rises, the dew will be
burnt away into our air and lost in our lungs,"

That image is just so well done. You give a very romanticized feeling toward the dark and it's very soothing to read. The ending really gave me the feeling that I was connected to what was going on in this piece, even though I'm just the reader. Very well done.

The breaks and punctuation are flawless, too. M'dear, you have it mastered how to utilize punctuation in a poem marvelously.

Fantastic job on this poem, and I look forward to reading more!