Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.
Chapter Nine - Night Discussions
“You see, it’s all one big gag!” Collin proclaimed loudly, tossing a strip of venison on the makeshift spit.
“Whadda ya mean?” Mike asked between bites. Louis guessed the little man must of eaten close to a pound of the gamy meat already, and he showed no signs of slowing.
“Communism, man,” said Collin, sitting back on the log, “It’s just a big gag. The commies want ev’rone to act as one. They want ‘em all to follow their rules, an’ if ya don’t, they’ll force ya.”
He launched into a rant about the many flaws of Marxist idealism. Louis paid absolutely no mind to what the man had to say, though.
Louis Bekker’s mind was elsewhere. What he had witnessed not four hours ago made the man question everything he had ever been taught. Dragons? Was he insane? Were the woods making him see things? Lack of food can make you hallucinate, he knew that, but could it seriously make him think he sat there and had a discussion with two dragons? That was the kinda shit that people get put in asylums for!
Still, the cuts along his forearm told him different. They told him that there was a chance, crazy as it sounds, that upon that day he had met two creatures thought to be long extinct. He remembered having done a project in high school discussing the New World War. The conquistadors and explorers had come to the new world and had slaughtered the savages and the dragons in the war. They were extinct! Then how is it that he had met with two of them right in this very spot? It was impossible!
“Oi, Louis,” a pebble hit his face and he looked up at Collin, “You awright, man?”
“Yeah,” he grumbled.
Collin eyed him for a moment, before returning to his lecture.
He didn’t know how to tell the other two about what had happened that day. Would they think he had gone completely mad? That he was a raving lunatic? How does one tell his friends that there are mythical beasts lurking about these woods?
Then, a scary thought crossed the man.
What if, by some chance, Collin or Mike ran into one of the creatures? Hell, Collin was a trigger happy motherfucker if he ever saw one, the man wouldn’t think twice about killing one. What did Celsko speak of, something called The Provider? Tyrannical leader? What if those two are back telling their leader that they found three petty humans camped out? Perhaps that leader of theirs would want them all dead! Now he was truly thinking like a madman.
“Mike,” Louis suddenly interjected, “you remember that footprint we saw down by the river yesterday?”
“Yeah…” Mike muttered, furrowing his brow, “What about it?”
“Ever figure out what it was?”
“Nah, man. Ain’t nuttin in these woods det makes a track like that.” the man grumbled after a moment of thought.
Louis nodded, “I wouldn’t be too sure about that…”
“Whadda mean?” Collin suddenly spoke up.
“Well, let me ask ya this, what happened when the explorers first came here- America?”
Mike sat back and bit his lip, thinking for a moment. “Uh… after Cortes destroyed the Mayan empire, he led the Spanish army up the coast and conquered the savages and beasts.”
“Yeah, now lemme ask you this, what happened to them savages and beasts?”
“He killed ‘em all. Jus’ like the Mayans. Killed ‘em all in the New World War. Them that he didn’t kill became slaves. The savages were sent to them cotton and tobacco fields, the beasts, they’s wings was all broke so’s they couldn’t fly...” He paused, shaking his head. “Then they was all sent to the mines. I don’t think there’s no more of ‘em- the beasts.”
“Hmm…” Louis mused, pulling his knees to his chest. “Ya think that’s all true?”
Mike scowled. “Yeah, course it is. I studied it… Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Well, what if Cortes actually got his ass handed to ‘im in that war? Ya think he would jus’ pack his shit up and leave? Nah, them euros were all about makin’ contracts, ya know. Contracts and compromises wit the natives if they got their asses handed to ‘em. They woulda set aside some big reserve for ‘em, like they do with the savages nowadays.”
“Wh.. Whaddya mean, man?”
“I mean that them beasts, what if they sent ‘em all to some big reserve, an’ jus’ told us that they was all dead? Ya think people would know they was still around?”
Mike looked as if he was going to say something, but instead bit his lip and shook his head. It was Collin who spoke instead.
“I don’t think they could keep somethin’ like that a secret. It’s like the people who say the CIA shot Kennedy. There ain’t no proof, and anyway, ya really think they could keep ‘em beasts hidden like that? And do you seriously think they signed some sorta contract? Nah, man. Them beasts were jus’ that-- dumb animals, they didn’t know nuthin’.”
Louis chuckled at this. “Man, look at where we at now? They kept this place pretty well hidden, eh? Nobody allowed in, fences and shit-- hell, the place don’t look like anyone ever even been here, looks as if it’s been closed off for one helluva long time.”
“What ya gettin’ at?” Collin asked.
Louis smiled, “Man, if I told ya you’d think me a fuckin’ loon. Yo Mike, why don’t ya take that harmonica out an’ make yourself useful…”
---
Cobalt surveyed the darkened valley, the ridgelines of the mountains silhouetted against a clear, star filled sky. Sephive was smiling down on him upon this night. The drake that stood in front of him, however, seemed a much more god-like figure than Sephive.
“Has anyone been… a problem lately, commander?” asked The Provider in a cold, matter-of-fact tone.
“No, my lord, not exactly…” said Cobalt slowly.
“Not exactly?”
“Well…” He murmured, “A guard reported that he had heard shouting near dusk.”
“Shouting?” The Provider mused, the moonlight gleaming off his silver scales, “From where and… from whom?”
“He told me that it came from high on the mountain, near where the river goes into that gorge.”
“Did he investigate further?”
“No, sir. He has a vague idea who it was, though.” Cobalt spoke quick and to the point. A trained drake was he.
“Who?” The Provider’s tone seemed calm and inviting, but to Cobalt, still cold.
“He believes that the only drake who lives up there is that little grey fellow, Nimbus I think his name is. He thinks that it had to of been him.”
The Provider, to prestigious to ask petty questions, simply gave Cobalt a blank look.
“Um…” Cobalt stammered, “He was the one that broke down in a fit of rage when his mother didn’t open her wings... two winters ago I think it was. We all thought that the fellow was bound to follow her flight, but he never did. To be blunt, sir, I wouldn’t be too surprised if he was yelling at a rock because it spoke to him or something…” The drake trailed off.
“Hmm…” The Provider growled, twitching his tail and scratching at the dirt with his claws, “This Nimbus, does he have a mate?”
“No sir, as far as I know the drake just keeps to himself. The only dragon he really is willing to talk to is a half-breed female-- I believe she is the only real tie he has to the rest of the colony-- sir?”
The Provider had turned away, looking off into the dark woods. His wings were drooped and, for the first time ever, the drake looked rather tired to Cobalt.
“Do you know know how difficult it is for me to run this colony, Cobalt?” he said thoughtfully.
“No sir…” Cobalt murmured.
“These fools,” he continued, as if Cobalt was not even there, “These arrogant fools are ruining everything we’ve worked for. We’ve got half-breeds and these crazy fucks and conspirators-- all of them wanting a piece of the day. Dragons like them-- they’re threats. Sooner or later, other’s will listen to them. You get one lunatic screaming at the night, and soon enough they all are, the fucking animals. What we need to do is send them a message…”
Cobalt gulped, knowing full well what this meant. Executions.
“How do you suggest we do that?”
“Not through killing another storyteller, that’s how.” The Provider rumbled, “Watching an old drake like Quartzite die won’t do anything for them. No, they need to be shown who is truly in charge. They need to see something that they won’t forget. Something that will strike fear…”
“Then what?”
“Then,” said the silver drake, turning to face Cobalt, “Then we’ll have control. They’ll be lost, they’ll be afraid, they’ll need something-- anything-- to make them feel safe. We’ll be gods to them, and they, they will worship us like their loving Sephive himself.”
Cobalt winced. Like every dragon, he loved the great Sephive. But Cobalt also longed for power, longed to be worshiped and stand at his leader’s side.
“Find me a female heavy with half-breed egg,” The Provider ordered casually, “Bring me her-- and her mate in… three days time.” he paused, “And find that half-breed friend of Nimbus’; I want that crazed fuck to… understand me as clear as possible.”
“If I am not mistaken, I believe that fellow Selkut is his brother. He has himself a mate-- aquatic. She’s carrying a clutch I believe.”
“Excellent…” the silver drake purred.
He turned and gazed down the valley. The dim grey light of morning was just beginning to show.
“We are all of us gods,” he growled, “but only those who know how to wield their power ever truly know.”
~Post Chapter Notes~
We had an early release from school today due to snow, so I decided to write this. Not entirely happy with it, but I think it's alright. We get some character development, learn some new things, and meet the newest character in violent dragon world: Cobalt. I totally didn't use the periodic table of elements to come up with his name. @-@
Also, if anyone has any suggestions for this, I'm totally open. I'm constantly coming up with new ideas for future chapters, so hearing what you the readers would like cold be helpful.
~Cirute 2014
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hello, Cirute, it’s your friendly review here, Niraco coming at you with another review. God these openings are getting worse and worse I tell ya.
I really liked how you used Mike to tell this story. It’s actually a great tale about the oppression of these dragons. In fact it could properly make a good novel on it’s own. However, the way Mike tells it makes it seem as if he’s tell a story of a time when he was drunk one night. By creating this contrast you’ve adding something very humors for readers to enjoy.
This right here is some very heavy stuff. I find that the heavier topics that you write about the more passionate your writing gets. I loved reading about how evil The Provider really is. Which, up until then, has pretty much been a mystery. It made me crave even more of this story that I zoomed through it in a matter of minutes. Perhaps that is why I am struggling to review this. It was just such a good chapter that I cannot say much only praise.
So I’ll leave this review here and just head right on to the next chapter. You’ve got me totally hook with Wages.
Hi again!

This was great! The new character you've introduced seems interesting. And I'm eager to find out what this Provider dude is up to.
I really do love the way you're juggling these dragons and the humans. It's quite fun to read. And this world you're creating—it's pretty awesome. I'm blown away with the uniqueness of it. You really went all out with creativity here, and I admire that since soooo many writers just take make-believe worlds from other novels and "tweak them" a bit. Ugh.
Major props for originality. *applauds*
The dialogue was good, very smooth, very natural. Effortless. And that's not an easy thing to pull off.
As per usual, your character development is strong, same with pacing and all of that same boring junk. To put it simpler, you're doing really good.
Okay! Nitpick/suggestion time. Brace yourself. XD
It should be "paid," as "payed" is not a word. Not anymore, at least.
"High school" is two words.
Not a nitpick. Just had to say—ahhhh! You didn't capitalize the T in "the"! Yes! That's good, that's perfect!! Yay, someone's listening to my advice!
Sorry. Moving on...
Change the comma after "thinking for a moment" to a period.
I'd change this slightly, to make it more "correct" technically speaking and easier to read. Something like this:
"The savages were sent to them cotton and tobacco fields, the beasts, they’s wings was all broke so’s they couldn’t fly . . ." He paused, shaking his head. “Then they was all sent to the mines."
Change the comma after "not even there" to a period.
Hmm. I'd change this slightly, too. Maybe:
“Then,” said the silver drake, turning to face Cobalt, “we’ll have control."
Quick tip: When you write the first part of dialogue, go into a "he said" or "she said," and put a comma after both the last letter of dialogue and after the "said/growled/asked/whispered," you don't need to capitalize the first letter of the second half of dialogue. So what I quoted above, that B in "but" doesn't need to be capitalized.
Does that make sense? If not, here's a few of my famous examples.
"I like peanut butter," said Lizzie, "but not jelly."
Okay, so you see how there's a comma following "peanut butter" and "Lizzie"? Because of that, "but" doesn't need to begin with an uppercase first letter. Another example:
"Watch where you're stepping," Al cautioned, "you never know when there's going to be a puddle."
Comma after "stepping" + comma after "cautioned" = the Y in "you" can be lowercase.
But only use this trick if the two halves of dialogue go together. So writing something like this wouldn't work:
"I like peanut butter," Lizzie said, "hey, have you read that new book the teacher assigned us?"
Those two parts of the dialogue aren't connected. In the first half, she's talking about peanut butter, then she starts talking about a book. They aren't related, so they should be written as:
"I like peanut butter," Lizzie said. "Hey, have you read that new book the teacher assigned us?"
Same thing with this:
"Watch where you're stepping," Al cautioned, "you know what, I'm hungry. Let's eat!"
Again, telling someone to watch where they're stepping isn't related to the next thing he says, about being hungry. So he wouldn't say them all in the same breath without a period, and therefore, it should be written as:
"Watch where you're stepping," Al cautioned. "You know what, I'm hungry. Let's eat!"
Okay. Sorry for the overly-long, boring-as-hell explanation. I get very OCD about these things. XD
Anyway, this was another awesome chapter. Looking forward to more. Keep it up!
Your examples are really helping me! I'm real sorry that you have nitpick my work, should be something I do before I upload it. I'm learning, but slowly. Thanks for another awesome review!
Knight Dragon, here to review!
Technical:
That should be "must have eaten."
Question: shouldn't we already know Louis' last name? (Unfortunately I haven't had time to go back and read all the preceding chapters, but this point still stands.) This far into the story, if it hasn't been introduced, it probably isn't that necessary. And it draws unnecessary attention to the name itself, slowing if not derailing the reading flow.
That's a really long sentence, especially transitioning off of the previous, shorter style. The "ridgelines of the mountains" phrase is what makes it bulky and awkward to read. Try removing it, or rework it somehow.
Typo. That first "to" should be "too."
And now that I finish that, I seem to recall reading the first chapter at least? Maybe. Some earlier chapter.
I'm wondering why Cobalt isn't more...I don't know...objective about his leader's precarious mental health. The dragon's one step away from lunacy. Why isn't Cobalt planning a usurpation?
I'd need to go back and read your other chapters to further comment on plot, but I think that at least gives you a good idea of what to look into.
Hope this helps!
Thank you for the review! Just to clear things up, I think you're confusing the leader with Nimbus, who's quite mentally unstable. He's the main character, so it's more than likely you read a chapter narrated by him. Thanks again for the review!