Young Writers Society

hello there, RachelLeeAnn

This is an amazing piece of work!!! It really is !!!! This is exactly how I always feel. The masked man wants to take over my life, but i soon realize its just myself.

The entire poem flows great, and you rarely break the pattern. There are a few spots that the rhyming was disturbed,
"I've prepared, and I've trained.
You will not break me."
My voice is calm,
but my hands are shaking." those lines break the rhyme and there are several other rhymes that seem rather forced.

Over all it is a fantastic piece and i think a lot of people can easily relate to it. There are so many ways to be your own worst enemy.

"The anger swells within me,
and I act boldly, with haste.
I grab his dark, faceless mask
and tear it from his face."
in these lines you have a very very nice show of emotions, and it really builds up perfectly for showing that the enemy is you.

my favorite lines were
"His voice is that of demons:
an unrecognizable hiss.
I watch as he comes closer,
as I clench my trembling fists."

nice work and please keep writing!

--Cam

Genius... that's all I can say about this masterpiece

I love this poem, fantabulous work!

The twist at the end is a really great catch, and the writing and rhyming is great. However some paragraphs don't have the right beat/don't rhyme, so let me see what I can do...

Here in front of me
my enemy stands;
a wicked, masked face
with guilty hands.

No, it's not Satan,
or a killer, or foe.
It is simply an enemy
whose name I don't know.

But for all of my hurt,
I know he's to blame.
For all of my conflicts,
for all of my pain.

Every trial, every struggle,
he's the one certain source,
For all my troubles,
It's him, of course.

And now, once more,
he's returned, yet again.
But this time is different.
He will not win.

"I've prepared, and I've trained.
You will break me no more."
My voice is contained/stays the same,
but my hands tremble more.

He chuckles and turns,
and saunters my way.
"It takes some real courage
to say what you say."

His voice is of demons:
an unrecognizable hiss.
I watch as he advances,
and I clench shaking fists.

I could just hear him smirking;
"Got no clue? Oh, poor dear"
I sense the mock in his tone
As his lips touch my ear.

"You cannot win, my poor darling.
There's no chance for you.
Fight me all you want, but
there's nothing you can do."

The anger swells within me,
and I act boldly, with haste.
I grab his dark mask
and tear it from his face.

I stare in awe at the uncovered place,
I recognize the anger I see on his face,
My enemy, I realize, as I manage to see,
It's him.
It's us.
It's always been me.


Tried to fix a few things; I hope you can get something out of it! Have a wonderful day~
Thanks,
-odyssey.
xx

Flame here, as promised!

Fabulous job. You managed to sculpt a common theme into something unique. The first few stanzas, I was certain that the "enemy" was a cruel boyfriend. But then I reread the second stanza. "An enemy who's name I do not know" couldn't be a mistake—too conspicuous. A cyberbully? No, you devoted several lines to describing his voice. Or maybe that was just how she imagined his voice? No, that'd be overdoing it.

Just have to say, genius. I wasn't expecting those last couple of lines! "Masks"...what a fitting title.

My favorite lines:

"I've prepared, and I've trained.
You will not break me."
My voice is calm,
but my hands are shaking.

Here in front of me,
my enemy stands:
a masked face
with guilty hands.

who's name I do not know.

But for my hurt,
I know he's to blame.
For all my conflicts;
for all my pain.

He's the only source
of all my troubles.

My rival chuckles
and saunters my way.

I watch as he comes closer
as I clench my trembling fists.

...battle me all you want:

and I act boldly, with haste.

I stare in awe at this mask-less brute
and I recognize the face I see.

Hey there Rachel!
I really loved this poem! Especially the twist at the end! It has a very interesting concept even though I don't fully understand it but I think that is the point. I like the riddle like nature to it and how it is kind of dark!

No, it is not Satan,
or a killer, or a foe.
It is simply an enemy
who's name I do not know

Okay...thired review so this won't be amazing, sorry. Anyways, I love how this poem shows that you are your own enemy and, that you must face yourself. This shows how many people feel. We cause our own problems, but, we can never run away from ourselfs. We are are biggest enemy and, I really enjoyed reading this. Overall this is a very good poem!! Congrats!!