I love the surreal imagery you use here. I'm not a huge fan of big words, but the way you use them in your prose doesn't feel awkward or out-of-place. My only 'complaint' is that it's so short; I want to read more! 
Keep up the good work.
Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
“Disguise, I see thou art a wickedness." (Twelfth Night, or What You Will by William Shakespeare, Act II Scene II)
As the firstborn, my arrival
was met with orange, a sexless color
that blends with monarchs;
My father, the brute, named me
Warped.
Said I had an obsession with ordeals,
grit dripping off my nose after
he damned the wearing
of mother's evening finery.
I am a grinning nomad
in the cradle of the norm.
Are you afraid?
I want the same thing as you:
to be aerodynamic,
flight encrypted in syntax.
Drift me to the ceiling and beyond;
let me be a complement to the blue.
I wish to be orange,
untethered.
I love the surreal imagery you use here. I'm not a huge fan of big words, but the way you use them in your prose doesn't feel awkward or out-of-place. My only 'complaint' is that it's so short; I want to read more! Keep up the good work.
Well hello. Do I need to introduce myself, I can't remember if I have? If not... Then I'm SecreteJournalist, but feel free to call me Brie! If I did introduce myself before....... I apologize for wasting your time with that.... BUT ANYWAYS. If you don't mind, I'm going to review with a list of pros and cons, I do hope you don't mind.
Pros;
1.) The description and imagery is flawless without overdoing it, and for some writers, it's almost impossible for them to do so. You did it basically flawlessly.
2.) You manage to get the meaning across without just throwing it into the poem. It seems to be well thought out.
3.) The flow of the poem is oddly soothing. I could read for a long while without getting annoyed. Great job with that!
4.) As for grammar and spelling, you did it perfectly.
Cons;
1.) oh,. Um,,, I apologize but I have yet to find a flaw .-.
Overall, great work! I'll be looking forward to reading more from you(:
Sincerely,
SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie
Wow, this was so cool.
Not only is the subject matter interesting, as it has a sort of mystical, fantastical feel to it, but. right from the start, I started asking questions. It's like a well written prologue, only poetic in form and, literally, size, shape and color. That makes all the more intriguing.
"I am a grinning nomad
in the cradle of the norm.
Are you afraid?
I want the same thing as you:
to be aerodynamic,
flight encrypted in syntax."
Here, and throughout the rest of the poem, you have a high intensity of 'big' words, meaning words that have a lot of meaning in them. It not only paints interesting pictures in my mind, but it also gives me a lot of information in a really short amount of time. I love it when people write things like this, and you've done a really good job of it here.
The message throughout is very clear, and you sum it up at the end very well. I love that you have associated the color of Orange with ultimate freedom. Very clever. I'm glad I read this.
Thank you magpie94!
120,148 Literary Works • 648,815 Reviews
Points: 631
Reviews: 7
Donate