z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Before The Middle of Nowhere

by fictional


It's an uncomfortable day, a perfect combination of all the worst traits a day could have. The sun's too bright, the air's thicker and moister than pudding, and perspiration seems to soar higher than the birds (who would probably only soar in decent weather anyway). Everyone's blinded by the atmosphere; no one wants to move.

"I have a suggestion," Miranda says quietly. She is like the ghost of a willow tree, but often appears to glow from within. "We should stand in the shade of that lovely brick building over there – no, look a bit more to your right – there it is. It's got a nice wide roof, hasn't it?"

I squint. "I don't think I've seen that place before," is my mumbled reply. "It looks like it'll crumble into dust any minute…"

" So why don't we use time to our advantage?" Miranda grins in her hushed, impish way.

I walk nonchalantly as Miranda pretends to do the same. The sidewalk bristles my feet through the thin-soled moccasins I foolishly donned that morning. Once in a while, a piece of mulch or long-dead weed terrorizes me (as if I'm more terrible than my annoyed expression, which I might be).

"STOP MOVING!" Miranda shrieks in a shrilly unnatural voice. "Somebody's followin' us!"

Heads whip backward and to the sides and forward again.

"Look up."

Nervously giggling, "I meant that something's following us. Look under your feet."

There's an odd crack in the concrete that might have been there before, but I don't remember. Miranda tends to notice meaningless things like these, so I trust her. "What do you think made this crack?"

"Guess."

"Weeds, moles, cave-dwellers, plate tectonics?"

"I don't know, I'm not sure either. Let's just keep walking now."

The musty-looking destination seems to get further away the more we walk, which is odd and unreasonable.

The landscape is overall flat, boring, and concrete-laden, with roads, telephone poles, warehouses, office-plazas, trees that definitely aren't growing there naturally…

"Miranda, why is that tree trunk purple?"

"Might be paint, I don't know."

"Hmm."

"Miranda, where are you going?"

"I'm not sure, where are YOU going?"

"Elsewhere, I guess," and it was a very sweltery, typical day again, like yesterday, the present tense, now the past tense…

I had just kept on walking as if in a trance, and now I was in the garden of the home I lived in. Miranda must have gone in another direction. I pulled a few carrots from the infinite brown of the soil but didn't have a place to put them, and decided to search for the vegetable basket.

It was in the kitchen, I thought. But it wasn't, and as I turned and looked, I saw only everything I had ever seen before. The black-and-blue tile floor, the countertops, the oven and the stovetop, the unwashed dishes I was supposed to do. The sink was filled with water, though. I hadn't put it there.

"Mom, where are you?" I called, and I heard an echo. I didn't remember our house having an echo, but then again, I was never much good at noticing.

Now two things lost: the basket, my mother, and possibly my mind. To the extent that I couldn't count.

"Miranda, I'm confused," I moaned, and sat on the wooden porch steps, sad and mystified. "Help me find everything, please."

"That's an awful lot of stuff to find, you know," and her voice had half-vanished again. That meant she was thinking.

"We still need to find it. As much of it as we can. Maybe we can find more than we think."

So Miranda, my only good friend, refused to abandon me once more. But after about twenty-five minutes of watching me sulk over the meaning of life, she snapped out of her trance. "I'm still wondering about that tree, you know. Just for the sake of curiosity, let's go visit it again."

We walked out into the concrete whirlpool beyond our little suburbian town, past the warehouses, the offices, the sidewalks, and in the midst of it stood the odd old building we had never approached. Now we stood at its door, looking up at its grand crippled roof, and for the first time in years, a breeze blew past every nose in the world and erased the dust – for then.

The tree was behind, as we had walked too far. Torn between two destinations, we picked

my house.

Because we were afraid. It was getting dark, and we needed to at least retain our identities.

"I'll go home now," Miranda said regretfully, "we'll keep on looking tomorrow."

"We will," I said in a foreign voice, trudging up the shallow steps. The childhood habit I once had, of twirling hair in fingers and fingers in hair, flooded back.

I paused for a moment. "You know what?"

Miranda nodded. "Let's not be frightened tomorrow."

There really wasn't anything to be afraid of, though, except the unknown.

That night I shivered through the heat, wondering where everyone had gone, why people like Miranda existed in the first place…and why they still did.

I was worried; I had never been like this before.

The next day, I swept through the covers and surged through my bedroom door, except it wasn't mine. This is odd, I thought. In fact, I didn't recognize a single thing around me. None of the photographs on the wall were familiar…but I was in every one of them, every ounce of my typical average self.


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301 Reviews


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Sun Jan 26, 2014 11:28 pm
Snowery wrote a review...



Hey fictional!! silver here to review for you!! :) :)

So I don't really know what to feel bout this piece yet. It was interesting and held my attention but it was also slightly confusing and disorientating. The reason I don't know how to feel yet is because of the fact that you will release more chapter which might explain things a little more, so I'll wait till then before I decide.
One thing though, you have an amazing ability to make the characters appear in an almost dream like landscape where things are ever changing and where what was isn't anymore. Reading this gives me a sense of a warped reality and you seem to pull this off I a very fluid way. Anyway keep it up and happy writing!!

Silverlock




fictional says...


Thank you for the review! I'm actually about to post the next chapter...I'm afraid things will get even more muddled, until I get to, say, the seventh chapter or so :P



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Sun Jan 26, 2014 3:05 am
AEChronicle wrote a review...



This was great!

It works well as a prologue, and the only thing I'm disappointed about is that there isn't the rest of the book here, so, WRITE FASTER!

you have a really good writing style, very classic in its feel, but not to young-adultish to make it uninteresting to older people, or people like me who are just hardcore hard-A's. So that's a big thumbs up in your direction.

"STOP MOVING!" Miranda shrieks in a shrilly unnatural voice. "Somebody's followin' us!"

Heads whip backward and to the sides and forward again.

"Look up."

Nervously giggling, "I meant that something's following us. Look under your feet."

There's an odd crack in the concrete that might have been there before, but I don't remember. Miranda tends to notice meaningless things like these, so I trust her. "What do you think made this crack?"

"Guess."

"Weeds, moles, cave-dwellers, plate tectonics?"

"I don't know, I'm not sure either. Let's just keep walking now."

These parts are always my favorite parts in books, the sort of whimsical, oxy-moron type parts that bring up interesting and/or funny thoughts that really give the story some depth, and especially the characters. This part really made the story for me.

Needless to say, I loved it! And I want more!

Thank you fictional!




fictional says...


Thanks! :) You have no idea how relieved your review made me! I thought I'd have to stop after this because it was just too confusing or something...(I have the next three chapters waiting to go on here, by the way :) )



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Sat Jan 25, 2014 5:23 am
TriSARAHtops wrote a review...



Hi there!
The writing of this piece was very strong - good use of language, and even in this short amount of time there is good characterisation present. Ufortunately, though, it left me feeling very confused. I had no idea what was going on, and all the events seemed random and unlinked. Maybe it's just me, or it's all intentional and there'll be a reason for it later on, but I didn't get it at all.

For instance, at the start the characters are hot and looking for shade, so they decide to wander over to a brick house, when they notice cracks in the pavement. Makes sense so far. But then, it got weird and suddenly the were at the protagonist's house and I had no idea how they got there, or what the significance of the basket was. It left me feeling very confused, and this doesn't happen to me usually.

However, as I said, the writing was good. Grammar and spelling mistakes were absent, and I only had one nitpick.

 Miranda shrieks in a shrilly unnatural voice, "somebody's followin' us!

Here you needed a capital 's' on 'Somebody's'.

I'm afraid that I didn't have anything more positive to say, but your writing skill is good, so hopefully these confusing elements can resolve themselves in the story proper.




fictional says...


Thank you for the review, it's very helpful. Making sense is definitely something I need to work on :P I was intending to make this into a series of stories all linked to one another, so hopefully in the continuation it'll be clearer. I'll edit this one too.




I don't think so alliyah, but don't quote me on that.
— TheBlueCat