Published January 24, 2014
For those in that Valentine's Day mood, You should NOT CONTINUE! read this poem
Sit down and look at it,
Was our love real?
Or was it about intimacy,
Not about how we feel?
If that's love to you,
Go down to the Red Light District.
You're obviously delusional,
I sure as hell know it.
I hated you and you hated me,
I'm not going to sugar-coat it.
Come here doggy,
I got you some chocolate.
Your heart is made of glass,
Its run of the mill.
You basically skinned me alive,
Cruella De Vil.
I've been speaking the truth,
I'm not going to lie.
There is some more truth,
I hope you die.
You took me apart,
You took my code.
I have one last thing to say to you,
I hope your appendix explodes.
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137,507 Literary Works • 672,040 Reviews
Hi, J.C. here for a review!
Okay, so I already reviewed this as AE, so I'll just elaborate a little more on my old review. Because that's not cheating at all
Lol, the last line makes it all worth it.
I love sarcasm, and I love it when it gets deep, and this is definitely one of those times.
Even though this is satire and comedy, it's still "deep" in the sense that it explores the truth. Cold, hard, noxious truth. The divorce rates in America are insane right now. I'm pretty sure it's over 50%. And all because people can't recognize the difference between feelings and emotions, and love.
"Glass heart" is a great way of painting someone transparent. And "run of the mill" sums it all up. The girl was shallow, and just wanted you for your looks, and another thing I won't mention. This makes me wary about getting into a relationship ;P
Glorified prose at it's finest! You definitely don't mince words. I like your quick mentions of interesting topics, such as Cruella De Vil, which really bring out the essence of the poem. And, of course, it rhymes and flows well, so it's fun to say, though I don't think I should recite this on my next date.
Thank you Strange!
#TheFaultInOurReviews
Speaking as someone who had her appendix removed in time before it could explode, can I just say - that's a terrible thing to hope for. xD
Anyways, I've got no real critique for this! It was cute. I liked it a lot c: I think you did a swell job with making the stanzas rhyme without overdoing it. You made this unique and catchy and I liked the emotion you put into it. I could feel your hatred in every line and in every word.
I especially liked some of the metaphors you used and the unique ways to bring this mysterious lady pain! Nice job, overall. Sorry I can't give better criticism. x)
Wow! Somebody does not like Valentine's Day! Regardless, I still loved this piece, even thought I do like Valentine's Day.
OK, down to the review.
"I hated you and you hated me,
I'm not going to sugar-coat it.
Come here doggy,
I got you some chocolate."
The word sugar-coat is actually one word: sugarcoat.
"
Your heart is made of glass,
Its run of the mill.
You basically skinned me alive,
Cruella De Vil."
Its is actually supposed to be 'it's'.
My favorite line in the entire piece is:
" You basically skinned me alive,
Cruella De Vil."
Great Job!
Yeah, Valentines day, I feel, is not always so hearty after all for the majority of people. I loved the rhyme with sugarcoat it and chocolate; Everybody loves a unique rhyme. Also loved the Cruella De vil part. Cool take on Valentine's day. Love hurts when you discover in a situation, that it was all just a bunch of horse hockey. And why the appendix did you choose to explode? Was that further satire, because you know, the appendix can be taken out of the person and they can go on living. If you want the person to die, shoot for a liver, heart, or expose them to the bubonic plague.
Stunning. Simply stunning.
Hi! Lucrezia here for a review.
Ditto to what AEChronicle said. This was awesome. Haha and I was just reading on our team's name thread how you don't like Valentine's Day. Now I see you really, really don't. XD
Okay, a few nitpicks:
"Sugarcoat" is one word, no dash/hyphen.
There should be an apostrophe in "it's."
Other than that, this was incredibly awesome. Oddly, it actually put me into a Valentine's mood rather than took me out of one. Nothing says Valentine's Day like appendixes exploding, after all. XD
Anyway. Yeah. This was great, keep up the good work, blah blah blah. Happy Valentine's Day!
Lol, the last line makes it all worth it.
I love sarcasm, and I live it when it gets deep, and this is definitely one of those times.
"Sit down and look at it,
Was our love real?
Or was it about intimacy,
Not about how we feel?
"If that's love to you,
Go down to the Red Light District.
You're obviously delusional,
I sure as hell know it."
Glorified prose at it's finest! You definitely don't mince words. I like your quick mentions of interesting topics, such as Cruella De Vil, which really bring out the essence of the poem. And, of course, it rhymes and flows well, so it's fun to say, though I don't think I should recite this on my next date.
Thank you Strange!