Riddle of the Heart

Hello AE, here to check you out.

So when I first read this poem I was not aware you were actually trying to make a riddle. I just thought you were talking about, you know, how hearts are totally riddles in themselves. They do all that pumping and stuff. Reading through the poem, Love in itself is a riddle enough without having to be the answer to a poem, so I didn't really understand the riddle aspect. Hearts are only associated with two things: Life, and Love. That is putting aside demonic sacrifice, werewolves, and other cultures which eat it as a delicacy, but I still think what I say stands. I feel like the title is a dead give-away at that point.

So on to a review of this as a rhyme, and a poem. First off I'd like to say that you use some interesting vocabulary in this, like rend. Not many people use that word in day to day discussions. Shattered tears is another interesting juxtaposition because tears are typically not something that can be shattered, as they are liquid.

On to the picky stuff, end punctuation for me is a bit of a turn off in this poem. If it's going to be a blunt end rhyme, and you're going to use words like rend, at least lead us into the next line via enjambment, please?

Let me explain a little more clearly. When we're reading a poem out loud, we naturally want to stop at the end of every line. This habit is because of how we learn our first poetry and it actually makes it pretty hard to get through the entire poem. It's like if you have a book that concludes the major climax at the end of each chapter and then moves on to the next one. If the major climax is done, then what is going to draw the reader on to the end of the novel? For series, this is typically character. The people like the characters and the author's voice enough to come back for more. With poetry, the authors have an individual voice, and each poem presents a unique new narrator, but how are you going to wrap someone up in that character in two lines? It's like needing to constantly write hooks instead of allowing the character to grow into something complex.

In this ADHD age, where attention span is so diverted that it is only allowed to stay on something that's truly interesting for a little while, the best way to fix this problem is to do one of the following: Create a super interesting conundrum you intend to answer at the end [This is the classic novel approach, but can also be adopted in some poetry by rhetorical questions], rhyme [which if not handled very carefully can be a huge turn off], or enjambment. Enjambment is the easiest one to use and requires a few things to work very well, which are pretty simple. First, don't pause or put a period at the end of every line. You're already half way there. You use commas and periods at the end of every line in all of your posted works. Now all you have to do is learn to end lines when the line is interesting to end, creating it's own alternative meaning instead of just ending when you need a breath to read it. For instance, in this poem you could have used:

"I sent you
on your way. Together,

hand and heart, through
me, never apart."

This creates some interesting changes to the piece. One, instead of saying "together, hand and heart," you're associating "hand and heart" with "through" a lot closer. The image brought to mind might have changed even. Now as you can see, I still used end punctuation at the end of some of the lines, but I didn't do that strictly. This creates an interesting composition for the eyes as well as the mind recognizing that the sentence doesn't stop at the end of the line. This works better with poems that say things more personally and have more of that emotional feel to them.

Next, enjambment requires that you have good sentences to support them and make them easy to read. The best way to check a poem for this is to put them all as one line. Most of the time this brings up a punctuation issue. Either you capitalize the start of every line, or you don't. For most people when they're using enjambment, they don't capitalize anything in the poem that would not be capitalized for a normal sentence in prose. This is a stylistic choice that you have to make for yourself. So let's test your lines.

In life I was your mentor, through death I was your friend. When called upon I entered, and chosen hearts did rend. As days turned into years, and time idled away. Though lost in shattered tears, I sent you on your way. Together, hand in heart, through me, never apart.

CTHULHU IS THE ANSWER!
I'm just kidding. Hey AE, Strange here and I have a review for you. I really like how you did this riddle. It makes you think. Although, you had a dead giveaway putting it other Romantic. Its sweet and brings out a lesson. I really do like your writing style and how fluent you write. Sure, we did start off on a sour note, but I love your poems. I'm sorry if it seems like Im pulling this out of my butt, I'm just out of it.
Overall, great job once again
Strange gives you..
Off the charts!
Great job
Keep writing
Stay groovy, my friend *Hair flips*
Paint the roses red, my dear

The answer is love.

And um...all I wanted to say has already been said. So this is more of a comment really, I just have to say. This is one heck of an awesome riddle. xD. I really like the steady rhythm in this and of course, is a riddle. I love riddles.

Keep writing and be coolios.

-S.s

The answer is love, definitely. I mean, it's a romantic poem for crying out loud XD

Anywho, unlike dragonfphoenix, I actually like the 1st line pointed out. It's a more unique twist that is more intriguing than what you could of put.

I think the biggest issue for me is the length. The actual content is awesome, I love the idea and you do the rhyming in a way that it isn't cheesy or annoying. And having such strong factors, the reader wants more to enjoy. In a way, it's more of an opinion, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks that this piece would be amazing if you were to lengthen it some. I'm not saying to make it pages long, of course not, but maybe...hmm, three more stanzas would probably work.

Awesome work
~Maddie

Knight Dragon, here to review!

Okay, so I checked Lucrezia's review to make sure I didn't point out the same typos she did. So...moving on.

"And chosen hearts did rend."

"And time idled away."

Hi there! Lucrezia here, as promised.

This is so insanely good! The lyrical flow of it was pleasing to read, very beautifully worded and perfectly strung together. I don't know much (or really, anything) about poetry, but I do know that I loved this.

One teeny tiny little typo (try saying that five times fast):

In life I was your mentor,

Through death I was you friend.

As days turned into years,

And time idled away.

Though lost in shattered tears,

I sent you on your way.