z

Young Writers Society


18+ Language

A house burns down from the POV of the fire.

by emoticon220


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.

They say life is short. I guess that depends on your life span. For me, life is long, and I like to savor every minute of it.

I was born from a candle. A little flame, wearing away at the wax beneath me. I sat on a table, surrounded by food and drinks. The younger humans had been taken upstairs already, but an older human sat at the end of the table. Her head in her hand. Checking her phone every few seconds. She had been like this for a while, I had already melted nearly a fourth of the candle I was sitting on. She perked up at the sound of a door opening, and I felt a draft blow through the halls and push me away gently. She stood up as the human man stumbled into the room we were in. We waited expectantly.

"Jeanie I-" He cut off, fidgeting with his jacket and rubbing his head before finally shrugging. The human woman, Jeanie, grit her teeth and crossed her arms.

"So. Does she have a name?" She spat at him. He looked up, hesitating before looking confused. He walked towards Jeanie, reaching to her.

"Baby, what are you talking about?" he said gently, starting to pull her into an embrace.

"Don't touch me! Don't you fucking touch me." She started throwing her hands at him as he desperately tried to pull her in.

Finally, she pushed him off of her, he tripped backwards and caught himself on the table. I shook and began to tip. The candle I was perched on hit the table with a dull thud and the humans began to shout at each other. Wax began to suffocate me, I climbed as high as I could, but couldn't get away fast enough. Jeanie ran upstairs and the human man followed, both still shouting. By now I was simply a blue nub at the end of the wick. I was so hot and yet so cold. I needed to survive, to reach out and ignite myself again.

I reached for the table and missed. I was melting some of the wax now, getting a little bigger. I reached again. Miss.

One more time, I thought and leaped, grabbing hold of a thin, fabric placemat. It resisted, but soon I took it all in, spreading across its surface and devouring it. It felt so good to be big! I wanted more I began to grab hold of anything I could, pulling it in. I was suddenly so hungry. I needed more. I spread across the length of the table. I heard a door slam upstairs, and more shouting.

Was Jeanie ok? I had spent all evening with her, I began to worry about her and the human male. I decided to go, check on them. I worked my way down the legs of the table and across the carpeted floor. I got to the foot of the stairs. A muffled voice said something, it sounded alarmed. A door opened, I began to climb the stairs. One step, two steps...The human male ran to the top step, he became pale when he saw me. I raged on, and he sprinted off pulling Jeanie from the bedroom while shouting. She looked ok, but I had to make sure. Five steps, six steps. They ran into separate rooms, the male human emerged with a small girl human, she held her teddy bear, and stared at me, eyes wide. Eleven steps, twelve steps. I was almost there. Jeanie opened the door of the other room, ushering the human male and child in. She shrieked when she saw me.

No! No, no! I'm trying to save you! I pressed on until I got to the door. I pressed against it, but it didn't take me in quite like the carpet. I kept pushing, hearing the muted sounds of the family behind the door.

"Jack!" The male human cried, "Jack wheres the emergency ladder?"

"Be careful opening the window!" Jeanie's lovely voice rang out. I pushed harder, the door began to crack with heat.

"Emily, please. PLEASE go down the ladder...No baby, Ill get you a new bear. Just GO!"

"Craig! the door!" Jeanie, I thought, I'm coming, I'll protect you.

Finally I engulfed the door. The breeze from the open window fed me and I quickly swallowed the whole room. But Jeanie. Where was Jeanie? I dove out the open window, watching her flee with the rest of the family.

No...No! Why would she run from me?! I spent my whole life looking after her. In my rage I continued climbing across the house. I crackled and burned. Jeanie! Jeanie, I love you! I only wanted to save you. I heard sirens and felt the house beginning to fall away beneath me. Jeanie stared at me in horror.

I felt a sting of cold behind me. Water rushed over me, drowning me. The house caved in and I sizzled and hissed under the cold spray. I fought back, but found myself drowning. I shrunk smaller and smaller, I was so small now, so cold.

I looked up at Jeanie as she buried her head in the human mans chest.

Jeanie...I love you...shhhhh....

Thank you, Reddit user Idontknowherepatis for the prompt.


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159 Reviews


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Fri Jan 17, 2014 10:08 pm
GreenLight24 wrote a review...



Wooh! Great concept here. I love the way you personified the fire and really made "him" into a believable character with believable emotions. Well done there! I also liked the way you used the burning down of the house to symbolize the possible "burning down" of the couple's relationship, as it is shown from the very beginning of the story that all is not well between Jeanie and her husband. I liked the way you illustrated the fire's growth from a small candle flame into an out-of-control inferno. Muy bien! It was almost as if I could feel the fire's emotions growing stronger and more violent as he himself did. The psychology here is awesome too! Where I right now, there's a really bad fire raging in the next town over and some ppl have been told to evacuate their homes; some have already been taken by the fire. :/ so I guess it's sort of ironic that this would show up today. Right now it seems people are afraid and a little overwhelmed by this week's events (and you can't blame em) but this story really forced me to take a look at the idea of "everything and everyone has a heart and has emotions, and can feel love". As far fetched as that might sound, especially given the current state of things here, looking at a story like this really was a refreshing experience. Nice job! ;)




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Fri Jan 17, 2014 9:20 pm
modmyth wrote a review...



What an original and well-crafted idea! Giving a force of nature a personality is no easy feat, and against the backdrop of a family being torn apart only to come together to escape the very thing trying to be close to Jeanie? That was brilliant. This was very good writing, and I would love to see more stories tackling forces of nature or inanimate objects with as much craftiness and cleverness as was put into this piece. Well done!




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Fri Jan 17, 2014 4:41 pm
SetSytes wrote a review...



I like this, it's a really unique concept. I laughed when I read the description but you pulled it off really well. I think perhaps the end could be added to, as it seems the fire goes out very fast, and it makes it feel as if it was only small. Perhaps add more to the dying and shrinking aspect, and the destruction of the house. The proportions of things, while understood, could be made more obvious - the 'looked up at Jeanie' making it seem as if she is standing right next to the fire when surely she'd be a little distance away. I'm not phrasing this very well!

Anyway, apart from that, this was written well and a nice unique twist on an old scene.




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Thu Jan 16, 2014 11:19 pm
deleted30 wrote a review...



Hi there! Lucrezia here for a review.

What a cool idea. The whole piece is really great, from beginning to end. It flowed together beautifully and I was surprised at how much character the fire/flame had. As Iggy said, the in-love-with-Jeanie bit was kind of a surprise, I would've liked to have some hints at that sprinkled throughout more.

Also, don't forget to add apostrophes! There were some bits here that were apostrophe-less, and though that's not a huge deal, it is something you might want to work on in the future.

Those are the only suggestions I have. This was so clever and fun to read; it held my interest the whole time. I hope it's featured in the spotlight. :)

Great work!

(Oh and by the way, you might want to put the shout-out at the end there in italics. At first I thought it was part of the story. Lol.)




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Thu Jan 16, 2014 11:08 pm
TriSARAHtops wrote a review...



This is a really fascinating piece, and I found it highly original. I kept reading it because I wanted to know where it was going, and I imagine that I'll keep thinking about this story later today. It's different, but in a way that the reader can still empathise with.

Your character development was great. As short as the story is, you managed to introduce the personality of the fire in, and its thought processes, I guess you'd call them, and by the end I felt pity for the fire, which means you have achieved something quite impressive - getting the reader to connect with a non-human protagonist.

So, I'm afraid I have a few nitpicks. There was nothing major, but I'd like to point out the following:

The human woman, Jeanie, grit her teeth and crossed her arms

I double checked with the dictionary, and the past tense should be 'gritted her teeth'.

"So. Does she have a name?" She spat at him

I assume that she didn't actually spit, it's just the way she spoke, so if 'spat' is kind of used as a version of 'said', the 'she' following the dialogue shouldn't be capitalised. With the capital, it kind of reads as though she literally was spitting, as an action. Am I making any sense at all here? Please tell me if I'm not.

Wax began to suffocate me, I climbed as high as I could, but couldn't get away fast enough.

This has a kind of funny flow. I would probably either put a full stop instead of the fist comma, like "Wax began to suffocate me. I climbed as high as I could..." or I would place an 'and' after that comma, like "Wax began to suffocate me, and I climbed as high...". It doesn't quite sound right at the moment.

I reached again. Miss.

That should probably be 'missed', just to keep it all past tense.

I wanted more I began to grab hold of anything I could, pulling it in.

I think you need to add a 'so' after the word 'more'.

I had spent all evening with her, I began to worry about her and the human male

Maybe add a 'because' to the start of this sentence, it feels a bit clumsy.

I raged on, and he sprinted off pulling Jeanie from the bedroom while shouting.

This sentence I think could be reworded a little bit, as it, like the one above, sounds a little clumsy. There would be a comma after 'sprinted off', I think, and perhaps add another after 'bedroom', and get rid of the 'while'.

I looked up at Jeanie as she buried her head in the human mans chest.

MISSING APOSTROPHE - 'mans' needs one, but as there aren't any other errors like this, I'm guessing this was a typo.

Aside from these really minor things, the story was absolutely fantastic. Keep it up! :-)




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Thu Jan 16, 2014 10:43 pm
Iggy wrote a review...



Hey emoticon! Here as requested via chat~

No baby, Ill get you a new bear. Just GO!"


That should be I'll.

she buried her head in the human mans chest.


Should be man's.


Okay, so wow! Great job with this! This was such an amazing idea. and you did such a good job with it. I'm literally amazed and a bit jealous that I didn't think of it, haha.

I think you did a great job with the fire and bringing it to life. I do feel like you didn't give enough details with the fire and how it loved Jeanie in the beginning; maybe have the fire admire the way her hair glows in the firelight or how she talks to herself when she's alone? Small details only it would notice. I couldn't even tell it loved her in the beginning, because it just felt so expressionless.

Other than that, great job! You took such a unique concept and created a beautiful story out of it. I love how you gave the fire purpose and strength as it pursued the woman it loved. I actually just loved the fire and it somewhat reminded me of Calcifer from Howl's Movin Castle x) Amazing work. :)





There’s always a story. It’s all stories, really. The sun coming up every day is a story. Everything’s got a story in it. Change the story, change the world.
— Terry Pratchett