Young Writers Society

Like other reviewers say- this poem is awesome! You should publish something. Your work reminds me of Edgar Allen Poe. You seem like the new version of Edgar Allen Poe. Keep writing. The poetry career is looking good. I will read something else you've written. You seem to have good credibility. The structure of your poem is great and depressing at the same time. Sort of. It depends on the person. I love depressing poems.

Wahoo! The fiendish fiend strikes!
First of I wish to say I really like the subject matter, I love almost all poetry with a dream theme! (Hehehe that rhymes! )
This truly is an absolutely great poem *clicks "like" button* and I love imagery you conjour up. The rhythm and rhyme patterns are also great, and the whole poem itself has great line symmetry.
The only criticism I would give is the last line may be improved. Under normal circumstances it would be fine, but considering it in contrast with the rest of this brilliant piece, and in such a rich and varied genre, I think you could do better.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!

Hey! XD

I am going to go through this line by line. Here we go...


Wingless flutters my soul, - it can be cool when poems open with such ambiguous lines, I am intrigued to see where it goes.

In the midst of endless shadows. - oooh. So this a literally dark work. Lulz

Cold and hard, - good description

Tempered glass, - breaks the bluntness with some more floral language.

Pour out my heart, - great imagery.

For life drowns once more. - Dark. And quite depressing.

-



O wretched being! - I lurrrve the archaic language here.

What comes to mind at night, - nightmares. Dun, dun, dun.

Frost and veil, - I don't know how to say 'why' this is so good, it just is.

Sheets of dark, - this links quite well with the idea of being asleep and the bed sheets. Works on a metaphorical and a realistic, literal level. Well done.

Old embers fade, - fireeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. XD

When sleep doth overcome. - good use of language. Again.

-

At last rosy fingered dawn, - personification is used excellently here

O'er distant planes, - you now sound like Shakespeare. XD

Calls and chants, - good use of alliteration.

Sounding bells, - almost onomatopoeic.

Banishes away for now, - awwwwwww yay, this has a happy ending.

The impending, gathering dark. - which I am really pleased about. I see what you did there.


This is one of the most beautiful, professional pieces of poetry I have ever read.
Flawless.
Congratulations.
And this is your FIRST work, so you have set the standard high for what is to come.
I am very excited to see.
Oh...
and welcome to YWS. -hugs-
XD

Very Edgar Allen Poe-ish! Redrum approves. The words you use are a delicate balance of simplicity and elegance. You express a lot of energy, but at the same time I'm not drowning in it which is much appreciated. Overall, I give you two thumbs up! Keep up the good work!
~Redrum

Hello there. You definitely have a future in poetry
I myself TRY to write poems, and the thing I loved about your poem is, it goes with conveying the message and it doesn't go into 'rhyming'
It is beautifully written. The language rocks! And and and its quiet impressive
go ahheaddd, create wonders

Heya, while i was stalking your folio, I spotted this and thought I'd pop over for a review. Glad I checked this poem out, because it is awesome! I'm typing this on an iPad so excuse any grammatical or spelling mistakes.

I truly love your opening stanza, the word choices are splendid and the imagery you have created painted a very vivid picture in my mind of the fear that chokes your heart up. I especially like the term, 'tempered glass'. It just feels so ethereal but ominous at the same time.

I think the two reviewers below me has already pointed out all the things I want to say. But the ending, is astounding. Adding hope onto the previously dark atmosphere and as Inkpot has said, your vocabulary choices are wonderful. As it is with your metaphors and similes, you truly have a knack for creati imagery with words. Oh, and I love your language. xD. It really gives the poem the antique and mysterious feel it needed. Great job, I think the road down to poetry is lightning up for ya!

-S.s

The Missing Piece here for a review! I really love this poem because it really flows well and goes right with the theme, never going off track. I can imagine the nightmare and HEAR the nightmare, that's saying something! I love your vocabulary! I love how you use the word banishes in your poem! It's a really strong word! I didn't notice any spelling errors so that's good! But my favorite part was

"At last rosy fingered dawn,

O'er distant planes,

Calls and chants,

Sounding bells,

Banishes away for now,

The impending, gathering dark."

I love it! Good Job! Keep writing!
~The Missing Piece

This is an EXCELLENT poem. I loved it!
It works brilliantly in a free verse style, and you've structured it brilliantly.
Right from the off:
" Wingless flutters my soul,

In the midst of endless shadows. "
you had my attention. You create a fantastic sense of being completely surrounded by darkness, and a feeling of fear that you have no way out, and that- "wingless"- you are incapable of escape.
"Cold and hard,

Tempered glass, "
This creates a really cold, hard feel to the poem which only heightens the anticipation building up.
"For life drowns once more. "
This is a great line- creates a real sense that the narrator is helpless.
" O wretched being!

What comes to mind at night,

Frost and veil,

Sheets of dark,

Old embers fade, "
The vocabulary here is just... ajfhdfshjf! I love it! Great stuff.
" At last rosy fingered dawn,

O'er distant planes,

Calls and chants,

Sounding bells,

Banishes away for now,

The impending, gathering dark. "
This is a really polished, impressive finish to the piece. it rounds of the poem in a very sophisticated light and the line "banishes away for now" leaves an implication that the story isn't over here, and that more is to come.
This is a very powerful, well-written and effective poem from start to finish. I loved all of it and would not change a thing. Amazing work, well done