E - Everyone

Chapter 2 - Sanctuary

The sound came from a person, an actual person! It was a girl, the long hair gave that away easily, and her face was largely obscured by dirt, only showing her bright blue eyes and white teeth, she almost completely blended into the darkness around her, with the exception being her apparel. She wore a bright red jacket, accompanied by a black tee-shirt and ripped tights, which were finished with a pair of green Wellington boots, lightly coated with mud and grime, an obvious hint of use.

She started forwards towards me, which made me draw back. “Don’t be afraid, I’m not going to hurt you,” she spoke with a most beautiful voice, so soft and calm; I could have listened for hours but I had to reply. “I used to live here; it’s been my house since I was little. Why are you here?”

“I saw the fire start, and ran over to see if anyone had got hurt. Are your parents anywhere, or are they gone like all the others?”

“They are gone, I have always hoped for their return, but that has not happened yet. Is there really no other adults, have none returned?” she looked at me when I said that, with a most shocked expression. “You really have been out of society for a while haven’t you? They aren’t coming back, the war is still going on, and it will do so most likely for another decade, or more,”

“How would you know that?!”

“Radio broadcasts, I listen every day with the other guys at the Cathedral. We were all left here when the adults were sent away,” “How many of you are there? “

“A few, I couldn’t count off the top of my head, but there are a lot of us. We live in the cathedral on the other side of town; all of us are at least twenty now, but there used to be lots of others younger than that”

“I’ve not been out here in years, so I have missed a lot. What happened to the others?”

“You have missed so much, I don't know exactly what happened with the others, but I can get you caught up with the majority of events since the war started; come with me, as I said we live at the Cathedral,”

“I suppose I should, I have nothing left to go back to, I’ve lost my only home,”

“You can live with us!” she said smiling. Her teeth were perfectly clean; I don’t know how she would manage it considering the situation we were in.

We started to walk; we followed the road away from the house before turning left to head for the old cathedral, following the river on our right hand side. The river was gaining speed due to the recent rainfall, making it extremely dangerous for those who would attempt to cross. I hadn’t been this far from home in so many years; I had almost forgotten the route to get to the cathedral!

My father was never the most religious person, like a lot of our family; I unlike the others was brought into faith, and it was faith that kept me going until this day, it has certainly served me well! “I don’t remember you from when I was little, what’s your name?” I asked. “Rosie, my name is Rosie. I only lived a few streets away, so how could we not have met? What’s yours?”

“Alfred; don’t laugh, they all used to laugh at my peculiar name,” she smiled when I said that, before breaking down into the sweetest of laughs; it was so simple and yet so elegant at the same time… This girl was unlike anyone I had ever seen before! “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me,” she replied, still chuckling. “It had better be, I haven’t lived this long to be mocked again,”

“Seriously, you won’t have to worry. You think Rosie is a nice name to live with? I have been mocked by all sorts of people for my name, I'm not sure why,"

"Neither do I, we have an awful lot in common don’t we?”

“You mean we have both been mocked because of our names?” she said, starting to laugh again, before continuing, “I’m sorry, you are different, you know that?”

“In what way am I different? I always perceived myself as normal,”

“No not like that, you are much friendlier than the others. You are the first person I have spoken properly to in years; everyone at home is so serious, given the current situation,” her face went blank when she said this. Her past had obviously been more troubled than that of mine; she had knowledge of the world that I never had, and this knowledge of reality must be what’s causing the serious attitudes among the others, and in turn the more negative attitudes in her.

She wavered me to keep walking to the cathedral, which was a lot further away from my house than I originally thought during my many times looking out of the old annex window, but windows always have offered a slightly different perspective to the world we live in; for example, when one looks through the window the world outside of it seems so quiet, but when one is actually on the other side the world is louder, and so much bigger than originally expected.

After walking a few hundred metres further she turned to me; “You want to see something cool?” she asked, with a most childish smile; it was like she had never properly grown up. “I would love to,” I replied, my curiosity now much more apparent. “Where is this thing?”

“It’s down this street.” She led me down another ruined street, much like my own, the buildings were all very similar to mine, mainly since they were all built in the Victorian era like allot of the town was. It was strange, I had never been along this street, even though I’ve spent my whole life living right next to it; my world was a very small one when I was younger, it only incorporated my house, the church and the school, with the only occasional exception being the forest, but other than that I knew nowhere else, not even these neighbouring streets.

Rosie walked past the houses, saying the numbers on the doors aloud as she went past them: 56, 58, 60, 62, 64, and onwards she went, until she finally stopped in front of house number 74. She waved me over, and started up the steps to the front door; “Are you sure we should be here Rosie, it may not be safe,” I started, before she interrupted, “we’re fine here, this area of town is quiet, no one for miles around, except for us who live at the cathedral,”

“Why are we here then? This is just a house, why aren’t we going to the cathedral?”

“This was my house; I used to live here before the war. We moved from the West side of the city back in 2073, and then my parents were forced into the war, leaving me alone with the house. I wanted to show you, it’s my only way of remembering what my parents looked like,” she said, while tears started to fall from her eyes. I felt her sadness, and I felt a sudden need to cry with her, but I held it in, now was not the time for emotional outbursts, it would only make her feel worse. “I understand, it’s not easy in this world, and I can’t see it getting easier any time soon,”

“You are the first guy of the lot that has listened to me, you know that?” I smiled when she said that, and she smiled back at me; I felt that for a moment we were truly intertwined, like this was meant to be, like the event of my house burning down somewhat played a vital role in bringing us together. I could only hope that Rosie was thinking the same thing, but that was highly unlikely, since she probably only thought of me as a friend if anything at all.

“I am honoured that we can be friends,” I said, “I’ve not had a real friend in years, my only true friend was this girl I used to do Bible studies with, but she must have left town years ago,” I looked down, disheartened that my best childhood friend had gone, without allowing me to remember her properly. Rosie looked at me and smiled again, like she knew something I didn’t, but I disregarded it since if she knew something I had to know, then she would have already told me; after all, that's what friends are meant to do. I felt happy with her as a friend, she was so nice, and she made me feel feelings I had never felt before, but being isolated for so long has meant sadness was pretty much my only emotion; if that fire had not happened, then I most likely would have never felt these emotions.

We continued to walk alongside the river and the old houses, occasionally stopping and talking about our past lives and families; it turned out that she used to live in a small village in England, but after some time she moved over to this city when her parents were searching for work, and a better life overall, however what they didn’t count on was the world going into another war.

After some time the sun began to rise over the distant mountains that dominated the Eastern countryside, and the whole city came into view once more; the cathedral was finally visible, and after another short walk we began to near it. The cathedral is historically the oldest building in town; it was built as a safe haven for the monks who arrived here on a pilgrimage from their homelands, which was at the time Great Britain. As the cathedral gained popularity and recognition more people moved to the area and formed a small trading town next to it, then over the centuries after this the town transformed into the large city it was back in 2076, before the war began.

The building was built to last back then, and it has survived through the elements to this very day; the majestic stone gargoyles lined the roof and gutters, and the walls were built with an array of different sized stones, all of which were as old as the building itself, with the only exception being the south west wall, which had to be rebuilt in the year 2070 due to a fire that caused half of the building to collapse, it was a miracle that the majority of the building was kept safe from the blaze.

I truly felt so small and insignificant when next to the cathedral; after all, this place was built to worship God, and no human could ever match such a high power. The only new addition to the building as far as I could notice was the large metal wall that surrounded the entrance; it looked like a pile of scrap really, but it could easily act as a wall since it was lined with an array of razor sharp pieces of glass and corrugated steel shards.

The wall had one break in it, which was where a large gate-like structure had been placed to act as a passageway through the wall and into the building itself. As we both approached a man signalled us to wait while the gate was being opened; the man looked about twenty by his facial detail, which was clearly visible in the morning light.

He had bright green eyes, and his build was like that of a soldier, he seemed like the sort of person who would want to keep on good terms with, he could get you on the ground screaming for your dear life in seconds, and he’d probably done this before too; his face was covered with an array of scars and scratches, he’d seen one too many fights. He wore a tattered black shirt and combat leggings, which was accompanied by a pair of well-polished black boots, which did lead to my assumption that he must have been part of a military group before the war began.

My immediate reaction to his appearance and probable past worried me slightly, this man was eyeing me up as I thought of this, and I realised that this man could kill me if I got on his bad side; I will have to try and avoid him, but I think that will be difficult, since he's the one I have to get past to get into the main building.

The gate was finally opened, and the large metal doors slid apart to allow both of us safe passage into the Cathedral; “Rosie, who’s this stranger? You know the rules,”

“His name is Alfred, and he isn’t a stranger, he’s a friend,”

“But still, you know the rules, no strangers are allowed in the vicinity of the Cathedral, he could be one of their spies for all you know,” He glared at Rosie, and then at me; his glare reminded me of a serpent, it was so unnerving, “He is not a spy Simon! And if I didn’t know you better I would have dragged you before Winthrop himself for accusing him of being one!” Rosie glared at Simon as she yelled, which actually caused him to withdraw from us, allowing us to proceed safely into the building.

The interior was just like I remembered it; the ceiling was lined with the most spectacular artwork depicting the heavens above, which one day we all hoped to get into, we of course had to be good people to deserve a place there. The walls were filled with old tapestries and the stained glass windows were well maintained despite the endless storms and lack of adults to maintain them; there were large stone pillars with exquisite carvings of angels and demons on each one, and the central altar was also lined with the same carvings, except they were out of wood, which unfortunately had partially rotted due to the rain.

As Rosie and I wondered through the building I noticed that tents had been assembled in the area where the pews used to be; the pews had been stacked against the walls and put around the altar, forming a small circle where I assumed the settlers here would meet and discuss daily life, almost like the role the city council used to play; it was surprising that despite the fact none of them were adults they had settled and even formed a government! It was a breath of fresh air to me, I could quite happily see myself settling here with Rosie and here gang, I just hoped it was possible to stay here permanently.

Rosie patted my back, disturbing my thoughts, to speak to me once more; “Come on Alfred, we need to go and see Winthrop so you can be registered here. It’s the only way you won’t be recognised as a stranger. Around here we have rules, and we all must follow them, and that does include you,”

“I suppose so, where is Winthrop now?”

“He lives in the tent next to the altar. He sometimes comes and sits on the throne for the meetings,”

“Ok, we should head over there now. I find it amazing that there’s law and order around here,”

“I wouldn’t say there is Alfred,” Rosie replied, getting quieter as she spoke. “What do you mean Rosie?”

“Well… Never mind, forget I said anything,”

“But you just said…”

“Just drop it now! We shouldn’t be talking about this here. Come on, let’s go to Winthrop and get you registered,” This left me suddenly unsure of the situation here; it seemed so perfect, and so peaceful, I didn’t understand how anything could be wrong; and for the first time since the fire I actually felt scared, but I dismissed the thought and followed Rosie to Winthrop’s tent.

The tent was well decorated on the inside; it contained a comfortable looking bed, filled with sheets and pillows which could easily have slept ten people! There was clean water in barrels and food stored in bags, the whole place seemed like a perfect home, which once again led me to question why anything would be wrong here.

“Winthrop? Are you in?” Rosie yelled into the tent. “Why yes I am Rosie my dear, come on into the back room. I hear you have brought a stranger in for registration!” Winthrop replied, with perhaps the most upper class accent I had ever heard, despite my good upbringing. “Yes you would be correct sir, I’ll send him in now,” she then turned to me and whispered into my ear, “Listen, you just go in, give your name and basic details and leave, don’t take too long! I will wait here for you, go now!” I went in after she finished; I was really beginning to develop a worry for the situation around here; however I was not going to judge Winthrop, since for all I knew, Rosie could just have a grudge over him.

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
Aley
Review
Aley wrote a review · Sun Jan 26, 2014 8:32 pm

I'm just going to point a few quick things out so that you can go through and make this a bit better.

First, with how you have your paragraphs set up, it makes it a little confusing about when Alfred is talking and when Rosie is talking at the start of this paragraph. Traditional use of paragraphs is that when it's a new speaker, it's a new paragraph. That means in the second paragraph, you need to break it into two so when Alfred says it's his house, we understand that the person speaking has changed.
This is also something that confused me down here:

“I suppose I should, I have nothing left to go back to, I’ve lost my only home,”

“You can live with us!” she said smiling. Her teeth were perfectly clean; I don’t know how she would manage it considering the situation we were in.

because up until this point, I thought Rosie was the one in the house, and Alfred was the one who was outside of it. Now this is, in part, because I should have read Chapter One first, but given any excerpt of a story, you should be able to follow the basic plot due to the character's mindsets continuing and accepting certain things as fact.

I chose to pull this part out for another reason though, his quote, as I now understand it is his, lacks the end period.

Through this section, it is a little confusing about whether Alfred is the one informed on the outside world, or if it is Rosie. I would suggest clearing that up by working with names and speech tags a little more at the beginning of the work. That should bring everything right up to speed no matter if you're jumping in cold, or have read the book three times.

Thank you for the review. I shall sort this out asap, i've got a lot of editing to do :)

User avatar
Messenger
Review

Messenger here to review for you, and for the Cobalt Critiquers!

It was a girl, the long hair gave that away easily, and her face was largely obscured by dirt, only showing her bright blue eyes and white teeth, she almost completely blended into the darkness around her, with the exception being her apparel.

Whoa! you realize how long of a sentence this is. It becomes a ramble and it is hard to keep focus. Break it up. We are in no hurry here! :D

She started forwards towards me, which made me draw back. “Don’t be afraid, I’m not going to hurt you,” she spoke with a most beautiful voice, so soft and calm; I could have listened for hours but I had to reply. “I used to live here; it’s been my house since I was little. Why are you here?”

He, this needs to broken up with all the different talking and stuff. Remember, you need to start a new line when a new person starts talking.

Is there really no other adults, have none returned?”

"Is" should be are, and that comma should be a question mark.

“A few, I couldn't count off the top of my head, but there are a lot of us . . . but there used to be lots of others younger than that”

You need to make the comma after "few" a period, and then put a period after "that"

I am sorry to say this but I don't have the time to finish this chapter.
Keep it up!

Thank you for the review! I didn't notice some of these things, so I will get them sorted. Thank you for bringing them up :)

User avatar
AEChronicle
Review

This second installment has me intrigued. When Rosie shows up and takes Alfred to the cathedral to live with all of the other kids, I thought that was a great, and fairly original idea, and put me back into the story. The paragraphs are long, again, but it's not your fault, so it's nothing against your book. The story itself will improve greatly, once you can get the dialogue and paragraphs separated out.

Over all, it's an interesting book so far, and I'd like to keep reading.

Thank you JackSkinner!

Thank you again for the review. I am glad you are enjoying the story, and as I said in the last one I am going to try and shorten paragraphs, I think it was just in Microsoft Word the paragraphs looked shorter aha :)

I have broken up the paragraphs a bit I hope it's better to read now :)



something I have been thinking about ever since I saw the Super Mario Bros movie is how once I took a "what Nintendo character are you" quiz and I got Waluigi.
— Elinor