Chapter 1 - Losing Home

by LordFabulous

Published January 11, 2014

E - Everyone

In Sanctuary

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I hope you enjoy this chapter! I will submit more in the future, but if you want more sooner please review and like, or whatever else you do, since I'm still new to all of this! :)

2079 – The rain lashed against the windows, each drop leaving its own individual streak of dirty water on the cracked panes. I studied one of the drops closely, it seemed to be so different compared to the others, the way it stayed in one position before slithering so slowly down the glass, and in turn joining with other drops, gaining speed until it finally dropped off the window altogether. As the drop vanished below the sill, I took in once again the sight of the city beyond, with the constant rain the view was obscured, but in the distance I could make out the old cathedral, and below I could see the other houses along my street.

Oh! How I long to wander outside once more! But the now more common storms make it so difficult, and not to mention the strange noises that haunt these ghostly ruins. The noises are like that of wolves, but they died out with the other animals years ago, back when I was a mere child, in my mother’s arms and being literally spoon-fed the good book every Sunday. It used to be me and a friend who studied it, I cannot quite remember her name, but we were such close friends, almost like childhood sweethearts to some. If all had gone differently, I would have most likely gone and married her when I turned twenty!

This was not the future for us however, when I turned thirteen in the year 2070 my father promised me that no matter what, he would make sure my future was secure in front of his own, and by the time the fighting started in 2076 he made sure that promise was kept. He told me that the governments of the world had started to become unstable, and he believed that another war was going to happen, which put our family into a state not of panic, but of preparation. I remember the day he told me about this:

'Son, Wife, I have good reason to believe that there will be another world war soon,'

'Husband, you must be mad. The world is at peace, why would we need to fight?'

'I don't know, but the governments... They're not like they used to be.'

I remember just staring blankly into his worried eyes, 'What's happened to them dad? Are they arguing with each-other again?'

My father just looked at me and smiled a wry smile, 'Yes son, they are arguing so much that I think it will bring another war. And I think we need to prepare for it.'

'Well if you think so husband, we are both going to stand beside you. For better or for worse.'

As the years passed we began to gather non-perishable supplies and filled our cellar to the brim with them, and also with other things such as blankets and fuel for warmth. Our plan was simple; we would hide away in our home until such a time where we felt that the world outside was safe for exploration and then leave and find other people, maybe even form a new colony, and restart society anew.

This didn’t happen however, by the time 2076 arrived father had been forced to enlist into the military, and mother was sent to work in the factories outside of the town, in the men’s absence. I was left alone when the war began, so the resulting plan of action turned out to be lock down the house and wait out the storm, for however long that may be.

Time passed, and as the months turned into years I grew unsure of my parent’s safe return, I would often stay awake until past midnight waiting for them, but there was never a knock on the door, there was never a doorbell sounding, there was only silence; an endless, painful, frightening silence that filled the whole house and hid within the dark crevasses, waiting to pounce on an unsuspecting victim, that victim being me. I even have memories of running into their room at the crack of dawn, hoping they might be there, but they never were; the bed was always empty, and I was once again reminded that they were not there.

Now, over three years since the fighting started, I lost hope and resorted to hiding in the annex of the house, which happened to be the attic as well, which meant that the room was filled with oddities such as old photo albums and wall clocks, all covered with layers of cobwebs and dust that not even the most powerful cleaning agent could have cleared. I lived a life of solitude from then on; I never had to leave the attic unless my food supply ran out, in which case it was a simple trip to the cellar to get some more tins and fuel.

With the left over tins I collected rainwater for everyday purposes, since cleaner water had become scarce around the house, and was now my only source of hydration. I would kill the daylight hours by looking through the extensive collections of photos and books strewn about the attic, I vaguely remember finding a copy of the Good Book, and with it I restarted my study, alongside reading ‘technology of the twentieth century’ and ‘ultimate encyclopaedia of science’. The days flew by with these books at my disposal, and eventually time progressed to 2079, which is where I am today, in the present.

Nowadays I lack the books to read; some got soaked when the rain found its way through the roof and onto my collection, others I simply got bored of reading over and over again. I have found my best pastime to be looking out of the window, where outside the view of the silent city remains visible. The city was abandoned when the fighting began, since all the men and women were drafted into the military or sent off to work elsewhere in the war efforts.

However, this does raise one question; what of the sons, the daughters? What about them? I pondered this thought, and drew to a conclusion that a lot of them must have left with the women, or simply gone out of the city to avoid potential conflict. The thought had me so occupied I didn’t notice that the roof had begun to leak once more onto my blankets and books, by the time I noticed they were soaked through, and mighty torrents of water flowed through the wood panelling and down the ladder to the house below, which then reminded me that I had recently gone down to the cellar for supplies, leaving the door open as well. The cellar would be flooded by now!

I dropped down the ladder and made my way down to seal off the cellar entrance, only to find that the water was already inside. 'I feel like such a fool now!' I thought, 'The food and blankets are going to be ruined, and the fuel is going to have met a much worse demise!' I made my way down, but since it was dark I had to light a match to see where my feet were going. It still does surprise me that after all these years of coming in and out of this room, I still cannot get used to the stairs.

I finally got myself down to the cellar, and as I suspected the room was filling with water, it has already gone past my ankles, and it’s sure to go much higher than that if the rain doesn't give soon. The match flame got too close to my fingers, the heat made me jump and release it, and as it fell down I saw the fuel canister: It looked all-right at first glance, but upon further inspection the can was on its side, with the lid off, and the fuel flowing out of it, around my feet, and around the whole cellar… Hang on; I am surrounded by a fire pit just waiting to be lit! The match is still going!

This sudden revelation made me jump up onto the attic staircase, right as the whole room lit up in a bright orange flame. I began to run up the now burning staircase, finding that their old age made them burn a lot faster and collapse everywhere I put my feet. I made my way out and back into the kitchen, but I remembered that this house was made mostly of wood, most of which was as old as those stairs. I began to run towards the front door, while the whole house started to burn like the cellar, the smoke was unbearable, I had to drop down on my knees and crawl to avoid the choking cloud; the flames were so hot they practically pierced my skin, the pain so great I would have cried, if the heat didn't dry up my tears.

I got out onto the street moved away from my house, watching it as I retreated. The foundations weakened, and the whole building collapsed inwards, transforming into a heap of dry stone walls and burning wood and furniture. My senses finally got back to me, and I realised that that tiny match had lost me my only safe place, my only solitude, my only true home.

I stood and looked at the flames; I saw some of the books begin to burn and disappear in a flurry of small ash particles, flying in the wind, and quickly being put out by the rain, which was now starting to end. My time viewing the flames was disturbed by a noise; not one like the strange howls, but more like a footstep, right behind me, getting closer and closer. I turned quickly and faced it's source, and what I saw was something I never thought I would never see.

Comments & reviews · 4
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AEChronicle
Review
AEChronicle wrote a review Review · Jan 15, 2014

First off, I have to laugh. Not at the book, but at one of my own. I started a new series a few weeks ago. They are sci-fi action, and take place starting in the year 2089. Seven years before, in 2082, the world finished with its fourth world war. The dates in this chapter coincide perfectly with my book. Coincidence?

To talk about the book, your paragraphs are really, really long. This causes problems for the reader in a lot of ways, mainly because they get tired of reading the same paragraph after a few lines. Readers want something fresh and new and exciting, so splitting up your paragraphs would be a good idea.

The second thing is your usage of the word I. I know it's difficult to cut down on this when you're writing in a first person view, and especially when there's no dialogue, but this also turns readers off. It would be a good idea to try to cut down on the I's and play around with the words until you get a good mixture of explanation and description, but so it's not all just right there in front of you.

On that note, it's also hard to read the story because there isn't a lot of play on words, or anything that brings images to mind. Readers like to be shown, not told. For instance, at the beginning of the second paragraph, you could put in a blip where the main character is actually envisioning what his father told him, and the whole situation, instead of just telling your readers exactly what happened.

But, I thought the story was interesting, and with the sort of introduction at the beginning where you explain what's happened to the world, it has a bright future.

Thank you JackSkinner!

Thank you for the review! I had not realised that my story was similar to yours! :) I will edit the paragraphs later and make sure that's sorted out, and I will try and edit some areas to make them better too

User avatar
LordFabulous
Comment
LordFabulous commented Comment · Jan 12, 2014

Thank you for the reviews! I will make sure future chapters include the changes I have been told of here, after all, you have to make the errors to learn from them after all! :)

User avatar
Messenger
Review
Messenger wrote a review Review · Jan 12, 2014

Hiya! Messenger here to review for ya!

which put our family into a state not of panic, but of preparation;

This line seems kind of messed up. The part about not being panicked. I would try to re-write. I understand what you are saying, but it sounds kind of of awkward. Consider revision.

there was no knock on the door, there was no doorbell sounding, there was only silence; endless, painful, frightening silence that filled the whole house and hid within the dark crevasses, waiting to pounce on an unsuspecting victim.

This is just another suggestion, but to make the chapter less tell, I think it would e cool if you started out the story with one of the nights where he was lying awake for his parents. Just a note to consider.

The food and blankets are going to be ruined, and the fuel is going to have met a much worse demise. I made my way down, but since it was dark I had to light a match to see where my feet were going.

This is not the first time I spotted this, but you are going in between past and present tense. Some of that is the fact that you are telling stuff from the past, but this is just a mess up. Try to stick with past to present. It will make the reading easier and smoother.

OK, so I finished reading it. The last bit about the fire was pretty well written, but there are a few things you lack in this whole chapter. One being that your character should be very familiar with this house, and he isn't. He has been living there for three years. He would know it inside out. Especially the attic and cellar parts. I feel like you should actually emphasize on this. To your character it would be the same boring routine which in his/her mind (by the way I don't know the gender although I am guessing male) would be very familiar with.

The second is that there is no emotion in this chapter. Well there is some, but in the fire collapse there was none. Nothing about the intensity of the heat, the adrenaline going through your character's veins, how scared they are. Those are important. If not you don;t feel like you understand ma lot of the character, and you certainly can't feel as close to them.

Now, I hope I don't discourage you. As far as the storyline goes this seems like it could be quite interesting. Especially the wolves part. And the ending you had was excellence. It is a cliffhanger which his always good to have in reading. It makes people want to read the next chapter. Also, your setting (although a little cliche) sounds interesting. I am hoping and guessing that your character will meet up with more people his age, and I really wonder what sorts of conflicts will arise, and if the dad will ever come back.
Hope this helps.
Keep it up!

Thank you very much for your review! :)
I am very grateful for your input, and I might edit the chapter and the future ones to suit this review too. I suppose when I wrote this I had forgotten some of the emotions that I needed to put across, but that's all part of the learning curve!
I have much more to add, and it's really good to have some constructive criticism
Thank you for the review overall

oh yeah I forgot one other thing too. I had intended the third quote to be set in the future, since it's based on the characters immediate thought on what would have happened to the cellar. I will get to work and make sure it's all in order :)

User avatar
horrendous
Review
horrendous wrote a review Review · Jan 11, 2014

hey, got a review for you.

i liked your story, the circumstances the main character is in are pretty intriguing, seeming to be the lone occupant of a city (although later this is proven false).

you didn't really touch on the politics of the war, who was at war with whom, or why everybody had to abandon the city. i don't remember too many citizens abandoning entire cities in either world war, the entire populace can't be sent off for the war effort. but i'll let that slide, perhaps this society is more militarized than most. you decided to focus entirely on the main character, which leaves me curious about everything else.

one other note: the character's house seemed to go from having a fire in the cellar to entirely engulfed and collapsing within three sentences - that scene needs to slow down quite a bit in order to make sense.

altogether this is a solid story.

Ah yes thank you for your review, the event of the house burning down is very fast paced, since the cellar was filled with flammable oil, which rapidly engulfed the house, and since the cellar went first the whole house collapsed into it :)
As for the war, the politics of it are not really known; all that is known is that the magnitude of it was so great that the whole populace above a certain age was drawn into it. Otherwise this was more for the dramatic effect and it allowed me to make the story based on other things :)
Thank you very much for reading, glad you enjoyed it mostly :)



To gain your own voice, you have to forget about having it heard.
— Allen Ginsberg