Dr. Williams passed by nurses doing ER rounds, and several of the women giggled at the sight of him, whispering from behind their clipboards. Hands in his pockets to aid him from the chill of the hospital hallways, he glanced at the ladies and nodded, causing them to laugh even harder.
Among them was a younger nurse, short in stature. Curly hair was not Dr. Williams' preference, but he didn't mind it on her. She glanced as he did once more, and he caught sight of her stoic blue eyes.
He passed by the group of nurses, swooping into the break room. As he expected, the room was empty. He gazed up at the busted smoke alarm. Sighing, he fell back onto a chair and fumbled in his coat pocket. Out came his ash tray, and it slammed onto the table as he dug out his pack of cigarettes.
Three cigarettes later, the door opened. Dr. Williams lowered his cigarette. Two doctors entered. The taller one had his dark eyebrows traced downward, frowning. He swatted at the smoke in front of his face. The doctor behind him had taken to covering his mouth and nose with his shirt, coughing.
"Really, Daryl." the taller doctor choked. "You can't smoke in the break rooms. You know the entire hospital is a smoke-free zone."
"Hey, leave him be," replied the other doctor, his voice muffled by his shirt. "He just got out of a long surgery."
"How long were you in there, Daryl?" the taller questioned.
Dr. Williams paused to take a drag. "Four hours, minor complications."
"Wow!" his eyes widened to the size of quarters. "Only four hours?"
The other doctor had grown red in the face, coughing as he dug through his pocket.
"Good one Daryl," he wheezed. "You'll get a bonus no doubt."
Dr. Williams shrugged, taking another drag as the wheezing doctor pulled out his inhaler. The doctors seated themselves, regardless of the smoke, and began to talk about a troublesome ER patient from the day before. Dr. Williams wasn't entirely tuned in.
He finished his cigarette and dumped the contents of his ash tray in the trash before pocketing it again. The doctors gave their farewells and he nodded in their direction before leaving.
He scratched his messy hair and left the ER, heading down the hall to end his shift. Within moments, he was yanked down a corridor by his tie.
The blue eyed nurse released the tie and he caught his breathe. Frustrated, he straightened his tie and addressed her sternly.
"What are you doing? You know I can't be caught with you."
"They won't see us here." she pressed her hands against his chest, moving closer. "God, Daryl. You reek of smoke"
"What do you want?"
"You've been ignoring my phone calls all week. Why?"
He didn't reply, meeting his eyes into hers. He recognized the comfort he felt with the young nurse so close to him. Her eyes were bright and full of life.
He picked at a lock of her hair, unable to take his eyes from hers. Her shade of blue made his chest tight, and he barely recognized it was the nurse in front of him.
He gently put her back against the wall, an action welcomed by the young nurse. He kissed her lips several times, guiding his hands down her sides. She clung around him, embracing the tall man as much as she could.
Noisy vibrations cut them short, causing them to jump apart in surprise. Embarrassed, the young nurse flipped around to see if they had been caught, but they hadn't. Dr. Williams removed the pager from his belt, and it buzzed in his hands.
"Sorry," Dr. Williams nodded to excuse himself. "I've got to go."
"Why? Can you call me tonight, Daryl?"
"Yeah, sure." he shrugged. "If I have time."
With that she split up from him, striding in the opposite direction. When Dr. Williams reached the front desk, he was surprised, almost dropping his pager. His daughter stood near the secretary's desk, her face hidden in a small textbook.
He was paralyzed at the sight of her. As she lowered her textbook, she noticed him and grinned ear to ear. She flung herself around him, her ginger hair becoming tangled around his arms.
"Dad!" she said. "Dad, I did it! I got into the school I wanted!"
He didn't return the hug, blinking in confusion. He recalled her graduating recently, but didn't expect her enrolled again so soon. She was getting closer to working beside him.
He scratched his scalp as she separated from him, her smile plastered on display. There were deepened bags under her eyes, and he thought in time she could age as fast as he had.
"I see." he said slowly. "Well, that's great."
"I scheduled an appointment with Mom. I wanted to tell her all about it, and I thought you'd like to come."
Oh, but he didn't.
Anything but that. Please!
"I'm a bit busy." he said. "I just got out of surgery."
"The secretary told me it was the end of your shift. Do you think you can come by with me, just for a few minutes? I'll drive."
Even a few minutes would be rough. All he could think about was how he had promised his daughter, Rose, that he would visit his wife more often.
Rose's car proved to be a tight fit, and large textbooks cluttered the floor. He didn't put his seat-belt on until Rose pressured him to. Irritated, he dug out his ash tray and cigarettes, finishing as many as he could before they arrived at their destination.
By the time they climbed out of the car, Rose was shaking her head in disappointment. She shut the door and straightened her scarf, brow furrowed.
"What's wrong?" he said.
She shrugged. "You said you'd quit smoking."
It was as if he didn't hear her. He gazed up at the towered stories of grey. They walked inside and were ordered to put their belongings into a tray for safekeeping. Dr. Williams paused as he had nearly dropped his pager into the tray. He looked up to the nurse.
"May I keep this? I need it in case I'm called in to the hospital."
The woman shook her head. "Everything has to go."
What was he without work? He set the pager down into the tray, wishing to leave for a cigarette.
"You have an hour." the nurse behind the desk told them. They followed another nurse down the halls and she unlocked two different doors before they arrived in the visiting room.
The room was open and empty, providing a few tables and chairs toward the middle of the room. A set of chairs spread around the perimeter of the room, where several nurses sat. One had his face buried in a novel.
Rose took a seat at one of the tables, and Dr. Williams sat beside her, the hair on the back of his neck standing up. Soon the door on the other side of the room opened, and a nurse brought out Dr. Williams' wife.
She looked more worn than he remembered--had it really been that long? Her hair was long and tattered, ratty tips curling at the ends. Her blue eyes were in a daze as she squinted at her family. Approaching with the nurse's guidance, her paleness lessened and her wrinkled face brightened, chapped lips forming a smile.
"You've got an hour, Mrs. Williams." the nurse whispered to her before parting back across the room.
Rose smiled, leaning forward to hold her mother's hand.
"Hi, Mom. It's me, Rose."
The woman leaned forward, free hand clinging to her hospital gown. "Rose. My little girl."
"I'm not so little anymore." Rose chuckled. "I came here to tell you something important."
"Oh?"
"Remember the exam I told you I'd be taking?"
"Yes. Yes, of course."
"I passed it! I had one of the top scores."
The woman laughed. Dr. Williams got caught in her eyes, but looked down as he realized.
"Rose, that's wonderful. I'm so proud!" she squealed. "You'll be a real artist now, won't you? You'll show me all your work, won't you?"
Rose's smile faded with a pause. "It's not an art school. It's a medical school."
The woman frowned, squinting at Rose, and then to Dr. Williams, who glanced away.
"But Rose," she said. "You're an artist."
"No, Mom. I want to be a doctor."
She pulled her hand away from Rose, gripping her head, nails piercing into her scalp. She shook her head again and again, mumbling to someone that Dr. Williams and Rose didn't see. Strands of hair plucked out with the grazing of her nails.
Rose stared at Dr. Williams, eyes brimming with tears. Dr. Williams felt he had to do something, for several nurses caught attention of the situation. He reached forward, gently tapping his wife's arm.
"Tina," he called. "Tina, it's okay. Don't cry."
Rose had gotten to her feet, fumbling through her pocket to pull out several folded sheets of paper. Some of the nurses tried to eye what Rose had snuck in, eager to find anything that Tina was forbidden to have.
"Look, Mom." Rose said as she sat. "Look. These are my recent drawings."
She peeked out from her hands and down to the drawings Rose flattened out with the palms of her hands. They were spectacular. The drawings were sketched in grey scale, from portraits to landscapes.
Dr. Williams didn't remember Rose being particularly skilled at drawing. As Tina snatched one up, Dr. Williams slowly pulled one of them closer.
The drawing Dr. Williams picked out wound up to be something he recognized. It was a portrait of Rose's mother, Tina, but it was referenced from an older photo of her.
The drawing was detailed. There were her beautiful eyes that sat around almond shaped eyelids, and short hair neatly permed at her shoulders. She displayed a smile that showed her teeth and crooked top canine. Her eyes were full of life, unlike the present. They were dull blue now.
Dr. Williams hadn't finished examining the drawing before his wife snatched it from him, having already examined the other drawings on the table. Frustrated, he sat back and watched her. He found it ironic. Tina was looking at a younger version of herself, one that had not yet lost her mind.
"Who is this?" Tina asked, the drawing inches from her face.
Rose blushed slightly. "It's you, Mom. It's from before I was born."
"So it is." Tina nodded as if she recalled. "Will you let Daryl keep it?"
Without waiting for an answer, Tina moved the picture across the table towards him and snatched up his hands. It seemed like she had just noticed him. He tried not to avert his eyes, fearful that Rose would notice.
He grimaced. He hated to look into her eyes. There was nothing there. Not love, not motivation, no signs of life. They were fogged by endless bouts of psychiatric medication.
"Daryl." Tina smiled. "It's been so long since I've seen you. It feels like years."
Rose leaned in towards her mother, concern crossing her face. "Mom, are you sure? In the car he told me he had been seeing you twice a month."
Tina glanced over, before returning her eyes into his. "It's been years. I'm so happy. I was worried he didn't love me anymore."
Dr. Williams couldn't help but think that he never loved her.
"Years, has it?" Rose glared. "It's been years, Dad?"
"A little over a year." Dr. Williams finally confessed, eager for his wife to release his hands.
Rose said nothing. Instead, she stood up from her seat and began towards the exit, leaving her drawings behind. Flabbergasted, he yanked away from his wife's grip and hurried after Rose. Tina attempted to follow, but the nurses grabbed her before she could get out the door.
Dr. Williams caught up to Rose in the halls, grabbing her shoulder to flip her around. As she faced him, she swatted her father's hand from her shoulder, furious.
"Don't touch me." she snapped. "You don't care about me or Mom!"
"I do." Even he had trouble believing himself. "I honestly do."
"No matter what I do, you won't be happy. Is that it?"
He could find no words. Rose took a breath and continued, her voice softer.
"I noticed in the car."
"What?"
"Your ring is missing."
He looked down to his left hand--of course. His wedding ring. He never usually wore it, and was always sure to put it on when he visited his wife. Because he lived alone, it was easy for him to keep up a charade that he was unmarried.
By the time he looked back up, Rose had reached the end of the hall, speaking with the secretary up front to retrieve her belongings. He watched as Rose took their things from the tray, and he noticed his pager among them.
He followed her out, her long hair serving to guide him. The door almost shut on him and the afternoon sun pierced his eyes. He called after her and she turned once more to face him.
"Mom already told me, you know." Rose said as sturdily as she could. "She already told me you only got married to her because of me."
The words hit Dr. Williams like a slap in the face. He took slow breaths. Yes it was true, but--!
"Rose," he began before he was cut short.
"Save it. You don't care about either of us. Medical school doesn't please you, so what will?"
She had done it for him-? All the studying, all the late nights, to please him? He let it sink in for a moment, recalling her art, which she had a natural talent for. He could feel his heart beginning to knot, and he tried to catch his struggling breath. He had ignored his family for so long that he didn't know who they were.
Rose leaned back and chucked his pager against the pavement, where pieces scattered. His cigarettes, lighter, and wallet were next to be tossed. He tried to intervene but it was far too late. His credit cards jumbled across the pavement, along with the cigarettes from his pack.
She strode away from him and climbed into her car, leaving Dr. Williams to scoop up the mess. Her tires screeched as she made her getaway. He picked up the pieces of his pager--they were broken and useless now.
Eager for relief, he swiped up a cigarette and his lighter. Anything would do at that moment, anything. Yet when he flipped his lighter, no flame released from it; the fluid was gone.
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