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Young Writers Society


12+ Language

Legend of L'Karr Stone: Rise of the Mech-Warriors (Chapter 4)

by LastSilverH3r0


Chapter 4: The First Date

The next morning L’Karr wakes up peacefully. He goes into the living area of the cabin, which he now sees is still uncleaned. Last night was amazing, but he was burnt out by the time he got home.

“Shane!” he calls, but there is no answer. He calls again, and again there is no answer. He must’ve already gone into town to get a job, thinks the younger brother. It’s the same idea that he has. But he wants to get a job with her.

Naomi.

She has to be the most amazing girl L’Karr has ever met. Just the thought brings a smile to his face. The memory of her blue dress, glimmering in the moonlight. Her thick, black hair shining like an onyx stone. She was extremely clever, and witty. She had a certain... power about her.

The thought escapes his mind when he hears a bark from outside. The curiosity brings L’Karr closer to the noise. He steps out into the fresh Ark air, and immediately sees a large brown and silver fox chasing its tail in the yard. Its hair is wavy in the wind, glistening in the morning sun. It's eyes are a light crimson-orange and glow vigorously in the red rays of sunlight.

L'Karr forms a half smile at the sight. Something about the fox is warm and comforting. For a moment he watches the animal, then it stops and stares directly at the young man. Curious.

The fox's eyes are like two black holes, fitted with a single burning star within each. A small bright amber glow, different from what they looked like in the sunlight. L'Karr's gaze seems to be directed uncontrollably at the animal's. Suddenly L'Karr felt a pulse from his heart, like a vibe of power spreading to his entire body.

Then it is over. L'Karr comes back to his senses and remembers to meet up with Naomi at... What was it? Bastidor, Belathor's Armory? Regardless, he plans on seeing her again. He steps back inside to take a shower and prepare himself, but just as he turns to the inside of the house he is again looking at the fox.

"Agh!" L'Karr grunts in startlement. Instinctively he looks back, and the fox is not there as it was before, but instead it is in his home. It stays there, staring at him. "Okay," the boy stepping closer. "I guess you can stay inside until I leave." After saying it he grabs a bowl from the cupboard and fills it with water and sets it on the ground for the fox to drink. The fox still sits in the same place, staring at the confused Sand Fighter.

L'Karr ignores the animal and continues to get ready.

As he steps out of the shower the phone from the other room begins to ring. He wraps himself in a towel and quickly rushes to answer it.

“Lerius,” he identifies himself. He doesn’t often refer to his first name, but he found that sometimes it helps.

“L’Karr,” says Shane from the other line. “Listen, I’m on my way to Estrada. I’m sorry to have abandoned you, but I don’t see any other option. I have to know what happened to Mom and Dad. There’s a conspiracy behind their deaths, and...”

There is a pause.

“Shane. Shane!”

“My phone is about to die. Look, I love you L’Karr. Good luck with everything. Dozen bless you.”

He hangs up. L’Karr stands there for a moment with the phone still at the side of his face, unsure of what to think about this. Then he looks down and shakes his head in despair. A gut feeling tells him that this “conspiracy” will be the death of his older brother. But then he remembers what Shane said. "Dozen bless you." It’s something that no one in this family had said since L’Karr could barely remember. His mom, dad, and even Shane himself all gave up on the twelve gods of Annalise. Maybe Shane didn’t expect to live through this either...

He attempts to forget the conversation, and continues getting ready again. What is with all the distractions, he thinks.

Finally, L’Karr leaves the building, but not without the silver fox trailing behind. L’Karr shrugs and carries onward. It isn’t long before he is in town again. The sun is high enough to give an orange glow to the ancient buildings. He walks shyly around the village, waiting for an invitation to not look so pathetic.

It finally comes when an old fashioned building mostly made of stone appears with a wooden sign above the door that says, “Belathor’s Armory”. L’Karr smiles unintentionally, and tries to maintain a steady pace as he walks to the doorway, not trying to go to fast. All along the way the silver fox follows him.

“L’Karr!” shouts a familiar voice. L’Karr catches himself smiling this time. The girl’s voice is soft and welcoming, as though she just called to an old friend. As he turns around he is invited into a great hug. Naomi is as warm as the season Fira, and even though L’Karr is caught off guard he smiles as he accepts the hug. “I’m glad you came!” she says as she pulls away from the young wrestler.

It sounds lame, but to L’Karr romance has always been the main source of happiness. It’s also been the main source of sadness. L’Karr often remembers his past relationships, and how the simplest things can make him upset. His normal bi polar symptoms become worse when a female is involved. One word can drive his mania into quick depression, or sometimes anger. But for now he is happy. This girl is much more gorgeous and intelligent than any others he has seen.

She guides him inside and teaches him the basics of working in the armory. The armory is at first glance a large and industrial-looking building, filled with many trinkets, odds and ends such as brilliantly sharpened swords and solid black guns. She guides him to the back, which is much messier than the front. There is a pile of weapons and armor pieces. Next to it is a large circular tub. "Look, L'Karr," says the woman dipping a steel knife into the puddle of water. "First, you dip any of the pieces from this pile in the water. Then you wipe off any rust or dirt with this." She explains by pulling a small gossamer cloth from her back pocket and gently rubbing the blade. As the cloth comes off the knife it shines a nice steel color.

"What if I finish doing that?" L'Karr asks, already sure that he can do this job well.

"Oh, you won't finish," she assures with a grin, continuing to better perfect the knife.

"But if I do?" L'Karr pushes.

She hesitates. Then with a chuckle she says, "I'll teach you how to use them."

"Hah! What makes you think that you're better equipped with this than me?!"

"Think? I know!"

They both laugh as L'Karr kneels towards the pile and picks up a chestplate.

After a day of working they finally finish the hard work and decide to get dinner together. The sun sets beyond the horizon, and Naomi chose the best place in Tellistra Village--The Mechanic Dragon.

“They serve the best soup, and in huge bowls that look like dragons!” Naomi exclaims.

“Why’s it called The Mechanic Dragon,” questions L’Karr.

“Well... they use these huge and advanced machines to mix all of the ingredients quickly and hot, which gives it more flavor. The owner, Jack Wuckers, is a friend of mine. He made this restaurant nearly twenty years ago, when technology was really hitting a boom. Oh, wait! Here he is now!”

Just as she said it, an older male appeared with an apron on his chest and large metal spoon in hand. For a moment they look at each other, then Jack invited Naomi into a hug. “Now what brings you to my restaurant tonight, young lady?” asks Jack. His voice is frail, yet powerful. He invites them inside, seats them, and serves them himself. After dinner is over, Naomi bids farewell to Jack and walks with L’Karr around the silent village.

They discuss things that normally would be boring to L’Karr, but the way that Naomi talks is intriguing. Between speaking, he notices a bright smile on her face. It’s the most beautiful smile he has ever seen. They joke around some more, as though they are already the closest of friends. And he knows... this is the perfect girl. Doubt doesn’t cross his mind even for a second, even as she begins getting into her beliefs and a few things come up that he doesn’t quite agree with. It doesn’t matter to him that they are not the same person. He still knows that they belong together, even if he can’t explain why.

But he doesn’t dare say it, fearing it would drive her away.

They're conversation fades to a whisper as the young couple near a large fountain centered in the city. The dim lights of the lamps nearby reflect in the water, creating a red and orange light in the dark town.

As he looks at Naomi he is intrigued by the natural connection that he has for her. She's talking about how she's been doing karate for quite some time, then there is a moment of silence. L'Karr knows that she expects him to respond, but he hesitates. What can he say? With every thought he has he wonders if it would drive her away. So instead he takes the back of his fingers and runs them against her cheeks. They're soft.

Her eyelids fade to a complete close, as does his. He leans in, expecting a similar softness to be found on her lips.

BOOM!!!

Both pairs of eyes jolt wide open. In the horizon a large cloud of black and gray smoke and dust rises into the purple sky. It covers the stars. L'Karr immediately fears the worse; he begins to run in the direction of the smoke, but a soft and light female voice echoes in his head. He knows that he didn't hear it physically, but he still looks at Naomi. Her expression is frightened. He looks back, and notices something silver appear from behind a nearby building.

L'Karr knows who the voice belongs to.


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10 Reviews


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Sat Dec 14, 2013 8:47 pm
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OwaisKhand wrote a review...



Its impressive once again you have impressed me with your basic knack of story-telling and writing i like the idea with a new world with a new cast of characters and I can't wait till the next chapter but i didn't quite get a few things like what was like working in the armory and if he liked it or not and the silver fox i don't really see how it fits in but besides that it is a really good plot for a brilliant story




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Sat Nov 30, 2013 3:15 am
TimmyJake wrote a review...



Timmyjake here to write you a quick review.

I think I will just pull out sections of writing and say what I think is wrong with it.

Naomi is as warm as the season fira.

Not a big deal by any stretch, but I think you mean fire.

She guides him inside and teaches him the basics of working in the armory. After a day of working they finally finish the hard work and decide to get dinner together. The sun sets beyond the horizon, and Naomi chose the best place in Tellistra Village--The Mechanic Dragon.

This paragraph is all that there is for us to know about his work at the armory? I would like to know what he did there. What his job was and if it was hard. etc...


That is abut all I can see, but there is one more thing I noticed. How he thinks of Naomi is rather shallow. All he thinks about is how gorgeous she is, and how soft she is. But not her intelligence or how funny she is. Stuff like that.

Besides those few little things, I think it is awesome. You really have a knack for writing a novel. Your book seems like it is going to have a deep plot, but it is still building.
Keep writing!!






thanks for the review! I definitely see the points you've made here. I don't recall if I went into it, but there are actually seasons, and fira is the name of one of the seasons. but yeah, I'll get to work on this right away!



timmyjake says...


Oh, that would make sense. The season fira is the season summer, I take it?





yeah, I think i might've explained it elsewhere, I just forgot to add it to the story. It's not that important, just a different thing from using summer since its a different world and everything.




Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
— Plato