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E - Everyone


by PumpkinCat

Sometimes I cry alone at night

Whistling away that tune

Whilst you are gone I think of you

With my everlasting strides

Sometimes I give you a rose at night

Laying it on that stone

And sometimes I whistle away to you

Crying out of tune

And sometimes I look out that window of ours

And ponder what I could’ve done

But I sit here alone at this table

And whistle away that tune

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103 Reviews

Points: 747
Reviews: 103

Sun Nov 24, 2013 8:59 am
anshira wrote a review...

Hi, another review from the apple dumpling gang. This seems like a really nice, sad poem which has a lot of meaning. To me this poem reflected the regret of a person not being able to do anything while his/her loved one walked away. it's lovely how you' ve expressed your emotion. I also love the repetition of that tune- its the foundation of your poem.

On the other hand, I felt like your poem could use punctuation.

Overall- a good poem. I hope to read more of your work soon.

- anshira

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67 Reviews

Points: 2314
Reviews: 67

Sun Nov 24, 2013 4:52 am
AlfonsoFernandez wrote a review...

Hey there, here for a review.

I loved this poem, and I love the importance you gave to that tune.

Sometimes I cry alone at night

Whistling away that tune

This isn't really gonna help you improve writing, but you can whistle while you cry? That's what I call talent.

I also really liked how the title connects really well with the poem, and gives "the tune" even more importance.

This really is a very good poem, so I don't really know what to tell you to help you improve, except that it would probably look better if you punctuated it. However, on the contrary of spelling mistakes or grammatical errors, that is not an error, just your choice as the writer, so keep it like it is if you wish.

So congratulations for such a wonderful poem, and keep writing!

-AlfonsoFernandez, member of the Apple Dumpling Gang

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74 Reviews

Points: 2830
Reviews: 74

Sun Nov 24, 2013 2:11 am
Omi1 wrote a review...

Very interesting... I like it. It's unique in every regard, and I think the title matches it perfectly. However, it doesn't seem to be following any particular pattern as most good poems should. I would suggest that you try to be less word. Poems are meant to be written with very descriptive, floral words, which you have..but in between these words, there should be fewer small words like, "that, as, at, this, of..." Of course, these words are the skeleton of your poem (and are important in every regard), but you need to leave more room for the meat (extensive vocabulary) of it.

Now obviously, I'm just trying to give you some constructive criticism so you can go further with this, but don't get me wrong, this was very well written despite any minor errors. :) I've read some of your work already (if I remember correctly) and I've quite enjoyed it. I hope you write more poems like this, it was definitely worth reading! The best of luck to you! :)

You are all the colours in one, at full brightness.
— Jennifer Niven, 'All the Bright Places'