The breaks in waves of heat
Show startled knives of fear.
Your taste is bittersweet.
I need you near.
I cannot find the truth
In tender words of prey.
I am just blushing youth.
You have your way.
Perhaps I’m being led;
A buck (or hart) of stone.
The first time, when I bled,
I felt alone.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
I love your poem I must say...I keep coming back to read it :3 <3 love it!
I read this, and a bit of a cold sweat breaks out when i do. I cannot but read this, without imagining some poor girl laying there, hurt. perhaps not having been raped, but used and abandoned like so many people i know. This leaves so much to the imagination, almost too much. Just enough that you want to find this person, hug them, shed a tear, and then beat the crap out of whoever did this. I find this to be one giant ball of pathos.
To compare and contrast this with your other poem, "Perfect Men" briefly:
This poem seems to be dwelling on a past where the speaker was hurt somehow, physically or emotionally by a lover, or love interest. It dwells on the speakers apparent innocence, and need for the other, but explains the feeling of loneliness, which seems to be caused by the aforementioned lover or love interest.
"Perfect Men" appears to be explaining how the speaker used to take bits and pieces of other's personalities, attitudes and physical features to try and create the perfect ideal of the prefect man, but soon realized no such man truly existed. Then, later in life the speaker perhaps is meeting men such as those created in these fantasies, and convinces themselves that those people will only bring them pain in the end.
This is of course only how i myself interpreted it, so i could be totally wrong
Good poem very understanding
This poem puts me in a dark place. I am not sure what you are tell the readers in this poem, however I picture someone who fell in love. And, the person they fell in love betrayed them. The person they love not only breaks said person heart, but they take advantage of the person's love for them. I think of a rape maybe have taken place. The person who was in love gave their heart, but wasn't ready to give everything away. And the result was feeling alone.
Hi Frances, Your poem is very interesting with a convincing tone of voice and diction are also impressive. Just little things that you might pay less attention here is the correlation between each line to the next line down.
Metaphor and personification that stands out here, but what is the connection that can be given to the waves and the knives? I think you can choose one other thing to symbolize the fear but still have a close correlation with the waves. You might say the fear is pierced, sharp as a knife, but in this line it less highlighting the actual strength in conveying the meaning.
The effect of the impact of the poem is also effective. It gives the reader something to think about. The speaker may mistakenly believe such person until he/she feels like a victim, killed for his/her blood. It's just like with willingness.
In fact can also be understood from various points of view.
Overall, good poem to read. Keep it up
Kudos, cheers.