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Young Writers Society


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Another Day-Chapter One

by WritingAngel777


Chapter One

Our world was like a rose-it was beautiful; something to be envious of. It was full of vibrant color, and thriving with brilliant life, but of course, it had its thorns. There were flaws-dangers-minor hiccups, but it was still tremendously gorgeous beyond measure.

It was really something; I only wish I had seen more of it before it wilted away.

Nearly five years ago Earth, our beautiful rose, became a battlefield. It was invaded by extra-terrestrial beings and assaulted with nuclear bombs that left our world in rubble, and as if that wasn't already awful enough: they now haunt what's left of our race.

Our rose has been plucked of its prime petals, and the few that are left are withered, shriveled, and soon to fall off into oblivion.

There aren't many humans left, but those of us that are group together. Survival is a natural instinct in any creature, and we all know that having another body in between ourselves and an E.T. is only logical. It means that the other human's body is mercilessly robbed of its flesh instead of yours-gruesome and inhumane, but true.

At the moment I'm traveling in a group of thirteen: my older brother, Ethan; my younger sister, Em; my brother's best friend, Dave Fuller; our friend from six crumbled towns ago, Thomas Winkly; the man who calls himself the leader of our "squad", Cpt. Jeffrey Hawkins, former military; myself, Molly Tate; and seven No Names, the people who will most likely die before I bother to learn who they are.

We're all headed to the same place: Oasis, one of the only few cities in existence that isn't comprised of ruins. If we make it there's hope that we'll survive, but the odds of that are unbelievably slim. The only reason I'm still alive is because of my father’s training. He was a former agent of a secret government program not even I was allowed to know the name of, and he taught me and my siblings how to persist against the worst situations.

It was a wasted effort at first though. During the first ambush Em and I weren't prepared. We didn't have the slightest clue how to protect ourselves against what we saw-a Destroyer, a massive black ghostly anomaly with eyes and a mouth made of fire and lengthy black hands extending out ready to shred away our skin and rid of us our bodies. With fear running through our veins Em and I did nothing but cower, killing this thing seemed impossible, but it turns out their bodies aren't ghostly at all, and just about anything that can kill a human can kill them; the only difference is that when they die fire spills out of them.

Our whole house went up in flames that day, and my parents along with it. They saved me and my siblings though and even though I wish they were still standing here; I know that it was probably best that they died that day. Truthfully, it would have been best if we all died that day. That day was one of the better ones.

Today alone we had encountered sixteen Destroyers and seven Scavengers; and now that the sun had fallen it was only a matter of time before the Shadows came out.

No one really knew what Shadows did, but that's what made them so frightening. Their capabilities could be endlessly horrendous knowing what the other E.T.s can do.

"...and Molly you'll go last." the captain's voice bombarded my thoughts, breaking me away from my grim imaginations.

"Sorry, what?" I questioned, lifting my head up to face him.

We had all gathered around a fire, sitting next to it as we ate our miniscule dinner rations. The Captain was three people to my left, watching me as if I were a Shadow.

"What's wrong with you today, Molly? You've been zoning out all day!" The captain shouted at me as if I were a new recruit at boot camp, "I said that you're on watch last tonight."

"Oh, alright, sorry." I replied before taking a spoonful of the stew that Em had prepared tonight. She was the best chef among us, but besides that she didn't have much "value" and the captain was all about that.

Em was only ten when the ambush happened so she didn't pick up nearly as much knowledge from our father before he passed, but Ethan and I were brought up on everything from how to survive in the wild to how to ward off attackers.

So, to say the least the captain was very pleased when he found us a few months back. Compared with the rest of these No Names we were the best in his battalion.

A lot of them we had just recently picked up in the last three towns, and I'm surprised that most of them have stayed alive this long. There were several of them that appeared to be half decayed and others that were stick thin. It was sickening-not them-but what the world has come to.

"Hey, you ok?" Dave elbowed me in the arm, gazing at me with his dark blue eyes.

I nodded my head then turned my face back to the fire. I was fine technically speaking, but underneath the technical was the truth; and the truth was that I was far from it

I was exhausted; this life was tiring and even though I was sculpted for it I was tired of always having to check over my shoulder for monstrous black anomalies.

This wasn't all about me though. I wanted Em in school-making friends, falling for the star quarter back, going to prom, making memories; I wanted Ethan at Harvard Law School-fulfilling his crazy dream of practicing law all while having the best years of his life, and finding a girl who's worthy of his genuine love; I wanted Dave at Princeton University-studying business so that he can someday open his own; but these are lost hopes.

The only education offered now is tips on how to survive another day.

But what I struggled with the most in this broken world was the unanswered question of “when you do survive another day what are you really living for?" I had yet to discover the answer...

"You ready for bed, Molls?" Em towered over me, watching me sit cross legged with her stew in between my legs, "You haven't finished yet? Everyone else is done." I examined the other members; all of them were packing up their personal dishes in their packs and standing up as Em already had.

"Sorry, I'll just be a minute. I'll meet you in the tent.'" I told her as I shoveled another spoonful of the stew in my mouth. My stomach was growling, but food wasn't having the affect it should for me tonight.

"Are you sure? I can just wait for you. “Em was always so sweet; she tells me regularly that she wishes she were me. I got our mothers wavy golden hair and glowing green eyes while she got my father's chestnut tinted hair and coffee colored eyes.

She considered herself a plain Jane, but to me she was more beautiful than I could ever be. Her spirit emanated an undefinable quality that made her gorgeous, while mine emanated nothing. I used to be like her, but I couldn't keep it up; maybe if I could find a solution to my impossible question that would change.

"I'm sure, Em, go get some sleep." I replied.

"Alright, but hurry up.” She patted me on the shoulder as she walked past me, leaving a warm feeling lingering on my skin. She was only fifteen and this was her life: sleeping in tents with a knife in her hand, wandering through ruins with a loaded rifle strapped to her shoulder, watching innocent people die before her, and the worst of them all-never ever feeling safe.

"Who has first shift?" I questioned three No Names as they looked over each other before pointing at my brother Ethan, who had ambled away from camp to relieve himself. "Ok, thanks." I told them as I finally swallowed my last bit of stew.

I threw my bowl and spoon into my pack then I stood up and wandered over to Ethan, who was already on his way back to the fire.

"Switch me?" I asked him, "Tonight's going to be one of those nights." I said.

"Yeah, sure, I'm pooped," He responded with a yawn quickly trailing his words.

"Great." I took a step forward towards camp, but Ethan's hand suddenly gripped my arm and pulled me back, "What?" I questioned him as he scowled at me.

"You've had a lot of sleepless nights lately, Molls; I'm just a little concerned." Ethan looked down at me with a tightened expression.

"Do you know what next week is?" I asked him, changing the subject while looking him straight in his hazel eyes as I watched him think over the possible answers.

"Thanksgiving?" He finally answered.

"Try your twenty third birthday." I gazed at him as his eyes glazed over.

"You still keep track?" His voice was low.

"I have for the last couple years, you know that.”

He let out a ragged breath, and then he released my arm from his grip. I couldn't tell what was going through his mind, but I knew what would be going through mine.

Another year that wasn't worth living.

"Well, I survived another year, and with you, Em, and Dave by my side." He responded with the slightest grin covering his agony stricken face.

"That you did." I wished I could fake it like he could...

"Well, I'm going to get some sleep, Molls." He started walking away, but now it was my turn to stop him. I flung myself on him, and engulfed him in a hug. Even though this seemed like a dark endless nightmare, he, Em, Dave, and Tommy at least made it tolerable.

"I love you, big brother." I said as I released him, "Now go get some sleep."

I watched him march his way back to camp through the tall weeds until I was certain I was out of his sight then I un-holstered the pistol that was always strapped to my right leg, and began my shift.

Everyone else seemed to just sit in one place for their shift, but I couldn't stand that. I circled the perimeter, and without fail every night I'd find at least one Shadow lurking in the darkness.

Tonight it only took me five minutes before I spotted one. It was only about 30 yards out and as usual it just watched me. Every time I encountered a Shadow they just stared me straight in the eyes for several minutes then vanished.

They weren't as terrifying as the other E.T.s when it came to appearance. They were simply long lean black silhouettes almost like the shadow of a basketball player except the fact that they had blinding white glowing slits for eyes, but besides that it was really the risk factor that was frightening.

I was waiting for the day that a Shadow would finally attack.

I rested my hand on my pistol, ready to pull it out if the Shadow decided to do more than just lurk today, but so far, it just stood and stared.

It was peculiar the way Shadow's worked compared to their alien counter parts. Destroyers and Scavengers didn't hesitate a mili second before pouncing upon their prey, but Shadows simply stalked their prey. Maybe that was their purpose; maybe they stalked for their companions.

I let out a heavy breath, "What is your purpose?" I whispered to the Shadow.

The Shadow's eyes widened at my words, and I lifted my pistol in response and finally the Shadow did something unfamiliar to me: it screeched.

The sound was unlike anything I've ever experienced. The decibel was so extremely ear piercing that I dropped to the rough ground in an instant. My hands flew to my ears to spare what was left of my hearing, but my palms moistened with blood as the Shadow kept screeching.

Tears spilled from my eyes and I did the only thing I could think to do: roll. I tipped my body over and over trying to gain some distance between myself and the creature, but it made no difference until suddenly the sound ceased.

I fell over on my back exhausted and deafened, and then I wiped the stray tears from my cheeks. When my sharp vision was returned I almost screamed.

The Shadow's fiery white eyes were blazing into to mine mere inches away from my face.


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Thu Oct 31, 2013 4:23 am
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D4RKR4VEN wrote a review...



Hi, WritingAngel. As promised, I shall look at this chapter of your Novel. For the sake of Formality, I am The Raven, Squire of The Knights of the Green Room, and I will be reviewing this work of yours at this moment. My review will be divided up into What Is Good and What Needs Improvement/Suggestions. Do note though that for whatever similar problems that exists in Chapter 2 that exists here as well, I'll just indicate so to save both our time. Now, let's get down to business.

What Is Good:
1) Character development. I like the group dynamics, and the beginnings of a 'social caste system' developing between the 'privileged' and the 'No Names'. It's very telling of how the characters have changed due to the apocalyptic events that came years before. I like how you described their hopes and dreams, and allowed them to fade away. Well done!

2) I like the world you've created. Although the post-apocalyptic genre is highly saturated and beginning to stagnate with the use of tired tropes, you've done fine considering the difficulties of overcoming those limitations of the genre. I'm decently surprised that the ETs decided to use nuclear bombs instead of the traditional kill-one-guy-at-a-time approach. Nice.

Not to mention, your aliens aren't described much, and what descriptions gave us a very brutal and frightening image of them. This has its advantages - namely the generation of a horrifying environment, which is integral to the post-apoc genre. Another advantage you've managed to secure is that it allows the readers to imagine for themselves how the aliens are supposed to look like. I, for one, imagined cybernetic beasts the size of gorillas whose technology somehow evolved to give them unparalleled power in brutal 'unarmed' combat rather than the conventional guns-and-bombs approach.

Of course, you'd have to meet whatever expectations the readers would put on your story. As far as I know, the Shadow variation of the alien has met my expectations so far.

3) In comparison to your second chapter, this chapter is doing exceptionally better. There's plenty of descriptions, plenty of character development, plenty of plot points. Now, you've just got to do the same for the second chapter.

4) I like your use of the rose imagery, which sums up pretty well how the world is like, however, more on this below...

What Needs Improvement/Suggestions:
1) There's that same problem with the dashes again. However, language issues wise, I think you're doing a lot better here than in the second chapter. You must be exhausted while writing the second chapter, I bet.

2) Regarding the rose imagery, a small problem I have with it is the 'bountiful colours' bit. Roses are usually shaded in a single colour, I believe. Red roses, black, maybe pink or white.

3) Character wise, I feel that it is far too convenient to bestow military and police training on your extremely young characters. For one thing, they are too young to even be thoroughly trained even if their father decided to give them such training. There's only so much they could do. They were trained long before the invasion began right? So that's another problem. Moreover, it nudges your characters towards the Mary Sue/Gary Stu territory a little, even if they aren't diving right into it.

To have such extreme training would almost certainly require parental abuse, and to give them training without abuse would be almost inconsequential to their survival chances, as there's only so much they could absorb given the limited time they have, their physical limits impeding their training. The most they could be given would be survival lessons (at most some light jungle survival), and some knowledge, but a kid who's too young would certainly not be holding a rifle anytime soon (as in long before the invasion).

I speak from experience (used to be in the army). Already, even with the full infrastructure of the army, to train ordinary young adults in the art of warfare and survival is difficult enough. What more for a father and his (probably unwilling) children in a DIY situation?

Well, that's all I got for now. I hope this review helps as much as the previous one. Keep writing!






Hey! Thanks again! I'll make some more adjustments! Also I changed the second chapter slightly if you can tell me you like and tell me what you don't! Thank you!! :)



D4RKR4VEN says...


Sure, I'll get to that later. I've ran out of free time :) I'm glad I helped :)



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Wed Oct 30, 2013 4:53 am
Ventomology wrote a review...



Whoa! Such a cliff hanger!

I really enjoyed this one. It has a nice length, with lots of details and exposition-perfect for an opening chapter-but still with plenty of action.
Some of the details came in a little bluntly, like when you tell us that the world was invaded by aliens, there were lots of other, more dramatic ways of putting that. I would have either started with that part, slipped it in gradually, or implied it.
Otherwise, this was pretty cool!
(One last thing, a decibel measures volume while ear-piercing implies high pitch. I understood your point, but I'm a stickler for scientific correctness. Sorry to be so... mean about it.)




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Tue Oct 29, 2013 12:25 am
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beccanadon wrote a review...



Hey, I'm here to do a review! I love the plot. Even though it's apocalyptic, it seems not utterly hopeless. I like how you gave the audience a feel for the other characters' personalities and interests when Molls goes into detail on what she wishes for each of them. I think that you should put another reference to the rose at the end; the visual of pricking your finger on the rose's thorn could be the ending sentence of this chapter(just to tie in the rose). "Truthfully, it would have been best if we all died that day. That day was one of the better ones." Maybe consider "It would have been the best day for all of us to die; each day since has been sinking deeper and deeper into an endless nightmare." It just needs more emphasis on why that day would've been better than the rest. '"Switch me?" I asked him, "Tonight's going to be one of those nights." I said, referring to a sleepless one.' In this quote you have "I asked him" and "I said", I would get rid of the line "I said, referring to a sleepless one" since the saying "one of those nights" is one most people know-so it shouldn't need definition. Molls' personality is portrayed to the audience very smoothly and I like that the reader understands her personality from just the first chapter. Just make sure that the character background stories (if you refer to them later) match up with the characters in this chapter. Yay good work, I can't wait to read the rest!




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Fri Oct 25, 2013 12:16 am
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Bugslake wrote a review...



I definitely love your main character. Molls, strong on the surface but intricate underneath with feelings. I am so glad that you made this apocalypse plot and story interesting, I just hope that you can keep that good momentum. I would really be disappointed if you made this story end up with a bad ending. All in all keep writing and I hope to read more.




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Thu Oct 24, 2013 4:48 am
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Supermeggs12 wrote a review...



Okay, you write really well :)

I love your characters, they all have very defined personalities. Although in the beginning paragraphs, you use too many dashes. Usually, I don't like apocalypse plots, but I really liked yours! Molly has a nice narrative, it's easy to tell what she's thinking and feelings. Good job with this chapter!

- The beloved Supermeggs.




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Thu Oct 24, 2013 2:37 am
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emjayc wrote a review...



This is so amazing!!! You are such a great writer and I love the whole plot and how well you have developed your characters! :D I read through this entire story pretty quickly because it was interesting and really caught my attention. There are a few grammatical errors, but those are easy to fix and did not distract from the in-depth plot. Please write more of this because I really enjoyed it :) Sorry for not giving much criticism, I'm just so in awe ^^






Thanks so much! :) I really appreciate it! I'm working on the second chapter now!




rule #1 of being a potato: potatoes gotta defend their friends from negative self-talk
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