It's harder to review smaller pieces but when you got good poetry you just gotta review it. I like how you started this but I feel that there is that sort of cliche inconsistency. Probably not intentional but still there. As in the last part:
whether to breathe
or to vanish,
whether to see
or to dream.
When you have such a great (and yes post-modern) beginning it's important to continue on through to add a unique, not expected ending.
Other than that though I am honestly surprised this did not get more appraise as it is really good.
What I meant by inconsistency was when you started off with "reach out, or to look down"
then whether to "breathe or to vanish" there is a sort of connection but if you know what I mean it isn't fully clear, and while that's okay, I feel a slight disconnect because of it. A small way that it could be edited could be:
"whether to reach out
or to fall down,
whether to breathe
or to hold in,
(or drown or keep vanish, I thin vanish is fine, finding something opposite of breathe is hard, haha.)
whether to see,
or to dream."
I believe that helps it to connect a bit more, but to be honest it sounds great and you did a fabulous job. I even like how you formatted it, writing it all in one long sentence. It sounds really great and I truly understand it, the person is falling but are they going to chose to soar up or are they going to just fall and leave themselves to die. I do feel there could have been more added to explain this, but this short poem is beautiful and well done!
Keep dreaming, and writing!
Points: 2117
Reviews: 159
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