Young Writers Society

Hey there, Swiftfur here with a review for you!

I though you really showed emotion and meaning in this poem.

Lots of figurative speech, and the reader could tell from start to end where the setting was.


Overall, I enjoyed reading this poem. Keep up the good work!


~Swiftfurthewarrior

Hi Sleeplessend, Dream with quick review on your poem.
Your poem have a connotation meanings and some are easy to understand. I like how you use the imagery with the senses of touch and sight here.

~Touch=cold rough earth
~Sight=lustrous waves

I ponder My eyes amass the beauty between I ponder, My eyes amass the beauty

I enjoy the sensation

Even though

It isn’t mine

Oh man, I really enjoyed the imagery in this poem. You painted a vivid picture in both sight, smell, and hearing. I loved the simplicity in this - I feel like you captured so many details with relatively few words.

I did feel like "lustrous" waves seemed to be a slightly awkward word choice that doesn't quite capture your desired imagery of waves in the context of the poem.

"The earth writhing through my pores" is such a visceral line that I really enjoyed. It's gritty, real, and fascinating.

The last few lines hit it home, though. "... even though it isn't mine" implicates so many things. Almost as though the narrator is a ghost, or possesses someone's body, or simply a person who is thinking so deeply they feel a sense of detachment, or a person who has a sorrowful heart. I find it fascinating how the end lines leave so many options for the reader.

Like a previous reviewer, punctuation needs work in the poem. I also feel like the line spacing could use some work (variance in length would make the poem flow better, I think).

The Messenger Knight here to review for KotGR.
So this review is basically technical stuff since this poem for me didn't say a whole lot. I think a part 2 would help a lot to tell me what's going on.

My fingers sift through the gravel

The earth sifting through my pores