Inhuman
I am a rock,
Carved from a stone,
Like a statue,
Un-moving.
Awkwardly I sit,
Whilst you flow with life.
And I am a rock,
I sit un-moving.
Inhuman.
I am a robot
Unable to react,
Whilst you dance with life.
Across the plain you dance,
Relishing in the waking light.
And I
Break your heart,
As I do not act upon
Your presence,
I cannot.
You mistake my actions.
It is not that I do not love,
Only that
I love too much.
The love that binds us,
The love that complicates,
The love which I cannot control,
The love that I cannot explain,
The love is why I am a rock.
Unmoving.
Inhuman.
My heart is there,
Telling me to act
Yet I do not.
My brain thinks meticulously,
Over every detail
How do I act?
What do I do?
I shake.
I crash.
I do not move,
I sit frozen in time.
Leaving you also broke,
You think that you are the cause.
It is not,
It is I,
I
Who cannot move.
I
Who is inhuman.
I wish that I was human,
That I could express my love
As you do to me.
I wish that when you touch me,
That I would touch you.
Instead I sit
unable to move.
Frozen.
Inhuman.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Brolington, this is awesome. As I have said before. You is le genius.
DDDD
This, is, awesome, dude. Like, totally, awesome. You see what I did there? Huh, huh? XD
Anywhose and a house, you should do a sequel, but like... intend it for Spock this time. Kinda like an add on for the fanfiction.
Thanks brolington as always you fab aha and yes u see what you did the there oooooh
Hahaha, zat is ze anzwer.
Sphealwithit here, good marrow
I really like this poem. The language used is simple but effective. The poem has a real sense of wanting to belong in it. You've conveyed this really well. You pulled off the rythm well too. I can't write poetry if my life depended on it so well done. The lack of rhyme makes the poem seem detached and emotionless (whch isn't a bad thing in this case)
Overall, a really well written poem with well thought out ideas. Keep up the good work
Sphealwihtit out..
Thanks spealwithit, glad you picked up on the emotional detachment!x
Hi there! I really like your poem. It's very simple and deep at the same time! I also liked the way you wrote everything in the center. It interests the reader. I liked that you used the word 'Inhuman' as a single line. It signified the solitary nature of the rock (i suppose!
).
"It is not,
It is I,
I
Who cannot move.
I
Who is inhuman."
I liked this stanza a lot coz it was different from the others and i liked the style. Your poem had a wonderful rhythm. It is also metaphorical in nature.
"The love that binds us,
The love that complicates,
The love which I cannot control,
The love that I cannot explain,
The love is why I am a rock."
in this stanza you start your lines with 'The love' which is another good thing.
Overall, i really liked your poem.
Keep writing,
Cheers,
Shiksha!
Thankyou i really appreciate your kind words:)x
Must empty green room!
I love the repetition. I'm a huge fan of that in poetry if it's used well, and here it is, I just think it'd flow better if you took out the "and."
Honestly, so far the poem is really great, but why does the love make her a rock? Maybe you will go on to explain this, but I heave read slightly farther, and you make great comparisons, but do not tell us why she is robotic and stiff because of it. Is it from fear? Or is it supposed to be because she has not known love before so she doesn't know what to do and instead does nothing?
I think this should maybe have a period after it.
Is this line supposed to imply the one she loves is hurt from her not reacting? If so then I think there needs to be a comma after "leaving."
I think this needs to end in "you" so it would be "it is not you."
I know the whole theme of the poem is being inhuman, but that doesn't mean you can't use different forms of the word. This sounds a little stiff and weird to me with the "is" and the "in" right next to each other so just a suggestion would be to change it to: "I who am not human" or something. But that's an opinion, not really a big deal.
So great poem, again I love the repetition. It has good rhythm and emotion and the stanza divide is great too. I do want to ask again about why she is inhuman, that's my only question otherwise it was easy to relate to, not being able to return love and feeling helpless and all that. I hope I helped a little, keep writing!
Bye now!
Change.
Thankyou, um glad that youve picked up ok n my punctuation as thats my weakest point so by thats really helpful, thanks. The charcter is inhuman because when she is in a romantic situation she freezes, she doesnt know how to act and none of it feels natural so she feels inhuman and isolated as she feels she should be able to show to her partner that she loves him, and yet when she tries she simply cant.
That's what I thought but thanks for the clarification.
Knight Dragon, here to help with the technical!
First thing: your title. That should be centered over the poem, with one line in between it and the first stanza. That may just be a formatting issue you had, but please fix it.
"Un-moving." You use this form of unmoving twice, yet you use the correct version later on. I would advise that you change it to "unmoving" in all instances. It just struck me as bizarre the first time I read it.
"Your presence,
I cannot." I felt there should have been a period after "presence". It's the end of a thought, and "I cannot" is the reason behind that thought. So please change this to a comma.
"My brain thinks meticulously,
Over every detail" I think you should delete the comma here. Regardless, the "detail" needs a period after it.
"I do not move,
I sit frozen in time.
Leaving you also broke,
You think that you are the cause."
Punctuation here: change that first comma to a period. Perhaps change the first period to a comma and the second comma to a period. Spelling, change "broke" to "broken".
Hope this helps!
Thanks! Omg my punctuation saviour aha, i kind of throw my commas in there just as breathers, i mean i know who to use them but i dont in now why but they are always an afterthought, which i realise is terrible of me.
Hello! I am by no means a poetry buff (I can't help you with the technical side of things) so I will be here to simply give you a delicious review sandwich on your content
First things first, the parts I liked;
“Across the plain you dance, Relishing in the waking light. And I Break your heart,” - These are my favourite lines. It immediately turns romantic and I feel for both parties in the poem.
I love you're use of repetition. It's very effective and adds to the emotion.
And now for the constructive part;
“My heart is there, Telling me to act, Yet I do not. My brain thinks meticulously, Over every detail” - I would take this section out altogether. I don't think it adds anything to the poem where every other line feels like it belongs. Just my opinion though.
Good luck! & keep writing
Olive <3
Thankyou!x
i love it.
Thankyou