Young Writers Society

That was extremely intense. "The pieces of my family buried underneath. I miss my family" I wasn't expecting this when I read the title, which is a good thing. Did the narrator kill his/her family cause that is what I am gathering here. "vines noose around my Fathers stretched throat." "Father" shouldn't be capitalized, the same goes for "Mother" in "My Mother almost hovering on withered grass." This was a very intense, creative, well written poem! Great job! its very twisted too, which makes it even better!

There are just minor errors. "My sisters tiny hands" sisters should be "sister's" because it's possessive. Also, you should really capitalize the first letter of EVERY line. Another thing, press shift-enter to drop one line instead of two, this way you can have stanzas.

I was slightly confused about who killed your parents. It was the little sister, right? And she also killed the narrator? Please just comment to confirm that. I thought it was a good poem, aside from the obvious confusion and simple errors. I definitely thought you used great words to bring on the creepy ambiance of the poem. Your adjectives were genius. There is one more minor error.

"I miss my family;" There should not be a semi-colon here, there should be a period. I hope this helps. Again, great poem. I love horror fiction and I thought this was great.

Hey there! Cailey here for a review.

Okay, I love the tone of this piece. Props to you for making a poem into a horror story. I have yet to figure out how to make poetry sound scary, but you got me hooked and got me goose-bumped.

I won't say anything about the stanzas, since I totally understand not being able to format things properly. It happens to me all the time!

You have a few mistakes scattered throughout the piece, a lot of missing apostrophes, and a few misspellings. But I think if you read through this a couple more times you should be able to catch those and fix them up in no time.

At the beginning I was tempted to say that you had too many adjectives. I mean, every noun is preceded with an adjective, which can be pretty annoying and distracting. However, I only noticed that for the first three lines, and then I was so wrapped up in the poem that I didn't notice any problems with this. So maybe you can work on a way to not make those first lines so adjective noun, or maybe it's perfect and I'm just crazy.

Anyway, I love how you fit so much detail into the piece, and went back to what happened and showed the situation without saying anything too obviously. It was very emotional and very creepy and very sad.

The one thing I could find that you could work on is the last line. I feel like "I miss my family" just takes away the tone of the poem. It's cliché and obvious, and it doesn't fit with the feel of the poem. I don't know what you could write instead, but I think you should be able to find something that is less abrupt and more unique.
You've got a great style here, don't end it with something that anyone in the world could say. Go back to your unique voice instead of falling into the cliché.

I hope this all made sense and helps. Let me know if you have any questions or comments.

Just so you all know, there should be stanza's every 5 lines. However when I submitted it it wouldn't let me and nothing changed when I edit it So just pretend that there are 6 stanza's each 5 lines each