All was silent as I sauntered though the house. Creeping past the big, kaleidoscopic machine, careful not to disturb it from it’s hibernation. I never understood how my people could watch it from a distance while all of those colors were constantly flashing in every direction. I slowed to a halt when I came across little objects scattered about the floor. The Squeezer and The Loud One were always playing with them. Stacking them and such. I batted at a green one, watching as it tumbled away from me. I tilted my head, my heart racing with curiosity. However, I constrained myself. I’d have to make sure to return to this location and deal with these phenomenons later. For now, I had rounds to make.
I made my way to the front, where The Questionable Ones liked to enter our home. I sat, peeking out of the window, searching for anything suspicious. I found a short time ago I could maintain control of the neighborhood best from this standpoint. I was about to continue patrol when I caught a glimpse of something. My eyes darted as they followed the black long blob moving to and fro. Coincidentally the blob was moving simultaneously with my tail. I was no stranger to these blobs, as they were my most frequent opponents. My eyes widened as I focused on it, watching it very carefully. I knew I had to destroy the enemy, to keep my people safe. I waited for the right moment and pounced. It receded rather quickly.
Victory was mine.
Before checking on my people, I investigated a potential napping area with southern exposure. I paused, snapping my head towards a soft clatter I thought I had heard. I sat patiently, listening for the noise, searching through the windows frantically. Waiting ten minutes before moving forward with my safeguarding. I stealthily ran up the stairs and nudged the door, slipping inside. The Loud One’s arms were flung in an odd manner, but he was sound asleep and in no harm. I continued to The Squeezer’s sleeping quarters. She was also fast asleep, squeezing The Fuzzy One. The Squeezer, aptly named for her squeezing and non-gentle tendencies. I found it in my best interest to flee when she was near, to avoid capture.
I retreated downstairs to keep an eye on The Feeder and The Quiet One. I could hear The Feeder making that noise again. A noise so loud and obnoxious... A noise I just could not permit.
The Quiet One began stirring in her sleep. If she didn’t achieve a sufficient amount of rest, the probability of her playing with me the next day would curtail. Something else I could not permit as she seemed to enjoys our shenanigans as well. I knew what I needed to do. I leapt onto the bed with grace, a grace that was very much under appreciated by my people, and maneuvered in between the two. I stared down at The Feeder, carefully streching out a paw to cover his breathing tunnels. His hand flew up to swipe away my attempt, rolling over onto his side, ceasing the thunderous noise. I carefully balanced as he shifted, maintaining a standing position. His motion caused The Quiet One to move along with him. Once they found comfort, I settled into the space between them. Our home was finally secure and I was able to rest.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Morning! Happy review day to you
Here to review your short story for review day. I will review as I read so that it will make a little more sense to both me and you. I tend to ramble on otherwise!
I was just getting well and truly into it when it finished 
Here goes!
I really like the subject of this story. I've never written or read anything from a kittycats point of view before! It made me laugh once I had figured out what was going on.
"“However, I constrained myself.” - I'm not crazy about the word 'constrained' here. Maybe you could think about changing it to the word 'denied' or 'deprived.
I love the names you have given to the humans! Especially 'The Squeezer'. It's sweet and adds that comic side into the piece. Very cleverly done.
I really enjoyed reading this! my only wish its that it was a little longer
I'm looking forward to reading some more of your stuff!
Olive <3
Hi Slushy!
manisha here to review!
Happy Review Day!
Oh, I like your avatar! Its funny!
Alright to the review-
I liked that this was written through the eye of a cat. Cats aren't know to be very loyal to their owners but they always never forget the duty they have towards the.
I also like that you kept in mind how cats are. Words like 'sauntered', 'stealthily' can be easily associated with a cat. It makes it easier to imagine the animal's movements.
I loved the way you made the cat refer to it's owners with names like 'The Quiet One', 'The Feeder' etc.
Reading this it reminds me of the story "Rikki-Tikki-Tavi" by Rudyard Kipling which is written in the view point of a mongoose.
Your ending is commendable. Especially the way the cat refers to it as "our home".
Overall, I loved this story!
Great job!
I look forward to reading more of your works!
Keep writing!
-manisha
I didn't catch on until I heard the nicknames. It's a cat!
Ah hem. First and foremost, welcome to the Young Writers Society! This is a great piece of work. How and why did you get the idea to view life from a cat view? It's very imaginative, and frankly, better than that one series. I can't think of the name. At first I thought it was a view from a dogs, but then I thought, no, I better read on. I can't think of what kaleidoscope thing is. What is it? I hope you write more in the future and I wish you good luck.
With All Do Respect
Wholesomereader
Well, I have a cat and she is ALWAYS watching me. I thought maybe she was trying to protect me in her own creepy way. And then I wondered what she was thinking about and wallah! This is the outcome. The kaleidoscope thing is the television. My cat gets very distracted by it, and tries attacking it, but I'm going to find a way to make that clearer! It seems like not a lot people caught on to that. Any who, thanks for your review!
Hey Slushy!
I thought this story was really cool. In a cat's point of view, right? I might be being a bit biased because I'm absolutely IN LOVE with cats (it's slightly unhealthy), but still you've definitely written this well and while using some really cool techniques. I think the best part about this piece was that it was quite humerous and it definitely brought a smile to my face. Something that is quite hard to write, and you've done a really good job here!
This is quite a short piece, and I really thinking it could do with some fleshing out. I mean firstly there aren't really any descriptions of anything so everything just falls a bit flat. I mean what is actually around this cat. That big weird box that plays flashing images (the tv) or his favourite scratching pad (the uh-oh leather couch). Do you see what I mean? You could describe some boring old everyday things but add even more humour to it because after all it is from a cat's point of view.
Using 1-2 line paragraphs can be really effective but here I felt they were used too much so they almost lost their effectiveness. I think this is the case with a lot of things, they're good techniques to use but too many and it would ruin the piece. I don't think here it's ruined it though, but just keep an eye on how many you use. It can make the piece a bit difficult to read because it keeps on stopping and the flow of it gets disturbed.
It was a bit hard to understand what was actually happening. Like, I had to re-read it to get more of an understanding of what had happened. I think this might be because there weren't enough descriptions but I also think with these sorts of things you shouldn't over-complicate the vocabulary too much. Of course have some nice sophisticated words, but just don't use too many.
Overall, I really liked reading this, yay cats! Next steps would be just try not to rush things too much. Take some time to add in some more descriptions and really think about what you're writing. I hope this review helped, feel free to PM me with any questions you have or if you'd like another review on anything.
Keep writing
~ArcticMonkey x
Yup. A cat's point of view. I always continue working on pieces, so I'll probably keep working on this one! I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for your advice and review!
Hey there! I just want to say, this is very cute and quirky. And I sometimes wonder how cats truly see humans, as their "people" or their owners. I have two cats myself and one of them very obviously thinks this way.
So anyway, I liked reading this. I did notice a mistake though. You said, "Careful not to disturb it from it's hibernation", which is like saying,
"Careful not to disturb it from it is hibernation". Other than that, I didn't see any other issues. However, I would re-read it just to make sure.
I'm glad you liked it! And oops! haha I'll be fixing that immediately. Thanks for your review!
I quite enjoyed getting an insight on a cat' life.
Bet line: "The Quiet One began stirring in her sleep. If she didn't achieve a sufficient amount of rest, the probability of her playing with me the next day would curtail."
I liked that line, I found it quite humorous yet accurate.
One tip, widen your paragraphs a bit. It makes your piece look chunky and a bother to read. I made the same mistake with one of my pieces, don't do what I did.
Good description man
Ahhh, thanks for the tip! I'm so used to doing that when I'm writing. Thanks for your review!