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12+

Gregarious

by OliviaWhoWrites


Groups of teenage girls with

Ruffley skirts too short for our age.

Egos the size of east Texas, self esteems smaller than the pallets of cheap

Greasy eye shadow that dons each face.

Artistic interpretation or crooked eyeliner? Or are those crooked smiles?

Read between the lines of that back-handed compliment you'll be the

Inside joke of the week, then at least you'll know you're in

Our thoughts. Possibly loved though still

Unsure because that's what we are

Stupid, underaged, little girls trapped in bodies that make us appear like adults.



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116 Reviews


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Reviews: 116

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Sun Aug 25, 2013 6:13 pm
InfinityAndBeyond wrote a review...



Hi! here to review.

Well, this is a clear view on society's teen girls and you've put across your opinion well throughout this poem. I like that you're very descriptive and understand this topic very well. But there is always room for improvement.


"Groups of teenage girls with

Ruffley skirts too short for our age."

Here, there are a few punctuation and grammatical errors;
The word "ruffley" is spelled incorrectly, it's meant to be ruffly.
You say "our age" but you started with a different tense/persons, you're talking about the teenage girls but addressing the skirts to yourself.

The capital letters are a bit awkward in this, making the flow off and confusing to read when they're in the same sentence as the lower cased letters.

"Artistic interpretation or crooked eyeliner? Or are those crooked smiles?"

I liked this sentence as it made you think about the thinking behind makeup and how make-up is used to hide flaws.


Overall a good poem, keep writing!

-Infinity x




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45 Reviews


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Sun Aug 25, 2013 10:10 am
runawaylove wrote a review...



Hey, Runawaylove here to review your poem!

First off, this poem is relatable. I like the theme.I like the message you tried to convey. My favourite line is:

"Stupid, underaged, little girls trapped in bodies that make us appear like adults."

I loved this line as all girls feel this at some time of their teenage years.

Now, I felt this poem was rather short. I really like the details in the first four lines but you could've been a little more descriptive.

As for the punctuation, you could make use of it a little more. At some places the flow seems a bit off.

"Our thoughts. Possibly loved though still"

The full-stop here doesn't work for me.

Overall, this was a good read. You could work a little more on the punctuation though. Other than that, good job. Keep writing!




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Sat Aug 03, 2013 11:59 am
KLovelace wrote a review...



Hello, K here to review! Hopefully this will be helpful to you!

First, strengths. You do a great job of sticking to one story throughout your poem, and you convey that story nicely. I understand your theme completely, being a teenage girl myself. This poem really did end up quite nice! My favorite line was, "..self esteems smaller than the pallets of cheap/greasy eyeshadow that dons each face."

Nowww, weaknesses. I had a whole list of these before I realized it was an acrostic poem, but now that I realize it is one maybe some aren't relevant anymore. However, one thing that was slightly distracting was how you capitalized the beginning of every line, even if punctuation didn't call for it- and I know, I know it's an acrostic, but I still think it would be okay if you didn't capitalize them. To me, it draws away from what you're truly trying to convey.

Another small thing, your lines are all super different lengths and that causes absolutely no flow for the reader. I have a feeling you didn't edit this poem before you posted it, and I strongly, strongly suggest you do. I think (but am not entirely sure) you are a part of Poetry Partners? If you are, have your mentor help you work on things like flow before you post. Trust me, Aley is my mentor and she has turned some pretty "meh" poems into something so much better.

And last, a super duper tiny little thing- is ruffly a word? o.o If it is, it doesn't seem to fit the poem very well... It sounds like a word a five year old girl would use to describe her tutu. Try... "Rippling."

Overall, i really did love your theme, most of your word choice, and your poem as a whole! I hope you keep writing!




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Sat Aug 03, 2013 3:09 am
Jonathan wrote a review...



Hello Olivia, Jonathan here to write a review, I am truly sorry if this does not help, my excuse is that I have not written a review for about a month. So here goes, hope it helps.

Your first and secound line was pretty good but your third line was the first mistake "Egos the size of east Texas," Small problem, you just over complicated it it might sound better it you just wrote "Texas" not east Texas it messes up the whole stanza, but right after that was the main problem first is that there is not enough context for me to decide what word you are attempting to write by this I mean cheap normally that would be easy but this makes no sense.

The next line makes absolutely no sense to me it like all kind of different words stuck in the same line with no context at all to link them together, read through it and then re write it.

This poem is mounting up to something very confusing but I have a feeling that you have a plot or point to this poem.

Well I am not a little girl but in the end I was in fact right that you had some kind of plot maybe even though we are old we will still be remembered as kids by our parents and old friends who knew us then or maybe you are saying that we act like we are older than we are.

I hope this helped and encouraged you about your poetry, if it was really negative then sorry this poem was well written. Keep writing.

~Jon~





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